Not a Crapalogue
by jade-fae
Summary: In honor of November, a new Epilogue each day that does not suck like the one in the book.
1. Chapter 1

Not a Crapalogue

Explanation of title

I would just like to start by saying I am a big fan of Harry Potter.

That said, I think the Epilogue is a table full of prairie pie, fresh, warm, right out of the cows hindquarters.

Now I understand what it really is. That being the author's way of telling the fans that this is the end, I will not be writing more of this story, be happy with what you have. And for what it is it serves its purpose. Not exactly well but nobody is perfect. Of course that being the case, I understand why a lot of people do not consider it canon, being as I am one of them.

Crapalogue is probably a more provocative word (albeit made up) than I would normally use but in this case it serves its purpose to help describe what I am doing.

In honor of November which challenges young authors to write their novels, I intend to post a new "Epilogue" each day. Some are inspired by other fics that I have read though not necessarily epilogue fics, some will be crossovers with other series (which might be seen as cheating but, oh well), while others will just be completely out of left field.

Each new fic will be written and edited the day it is posted so they will be posted in the evening (late evening like 7 or 8 most likely).

To those who chose to join me on this literary adventure, welcome and I hope you enjoy the ride.

P.S. while I have just under forty ideas already written down for this, if any readers have an idea they would like to see me take a crack at leave it in a comment and I'll see if it tickles my fancy, but I warn you now, No gay and Not a Ginny fan.


	2. 01 Sail Away

Sail Away

The deck shifted under her feet like a rolling serpent. Her stomach heaved in time with each passing wave though she had long emptied it of anything to heave. Hermione Weasley was miserable. She had been on board the archaic little ship for two weeks now and had been ill for most of it. Why then was she on the horrid little vessel one might ask. Because she had been asked by the minister himself to join the party that was being sent to retrieve Harry Potter from wherever he was.

It had only been a few months after the final battle with Voldemort that Harry had disappeared without word. By that time of course many of those still alive from the death eaters had purchased their pardons and were back in their cozy little manors. More than a few crowed on how they had driven the man-who-won from the shores of Britain. Hermione doubted any of them had a thing to do with it.

She remembered all too well how haunted her best friend had been. They had been through so much together yet she didn't know how to help him. She admitted, though only to herself, that she hadn't actually tried all that hard being somewhat wrapped up with her boyfriend, now husband Ronald, and trying to help put right what had been wrong for so long in the magical world. It had taken her an entire week to even realize he was gone.

No one else knew before her though since Harry had taken to hiding away in Grimauld Place where very few could find him and even fewer could get in to see him. Recollection of the last times she had seen her friend did absolutely nothing to settle her rebelling stomach and she prayed that she would find him soon before her gut won the rebellion and her insides became her outsides.

…

She was below deck when the craft was spotted. A small sailboat, easily crewed by a single person who knew what they were doing or so it looked. The auror holding the tracker they had been using was called up and confirmed that he was inside. It was really quite fortunate he was all alone on his boat because the tracker wasn't all that accurate giving only general directions which became vaguer and vaguer the closer one got.

The sun had almost fully set by the time it was spotted and fully set by the time everyone was on deck and ready to make the jump. They were still a good fifty yards from the boat and would be apparating right onto the deck. It was a bit risky with so many people and such a small deck but that was the plan.

"Are you ready Mrs. Weasley" asked the lead auror?

"As I'll ever be" she said glumly, the revolt in her guts only momentarily quelled.

"Now you know what you're supposed to do of course?"

"I am aware of my role auror" she snapped, "Let's just get this over with."

The auror gave her an appraising eye but said nothing further, "alright everyone, you know your jobs. On my mark we jump."

A series of cracks were followed by a series of splash though Hermione only registered the noise in the back of her mind as she crashed to the deck, the rebellion returning with renewed vigor. She weakly managed to make her way to the rail and saw the entire rest of her team bobbing about in the water. Some were having a bit of difficulty staying afloat as their big heavy robes soaked up more and more of the ocean.

"What a soggy looking bunch."

Despite her agony she couldn't help but chuckle. Then her mind caught up and she turned abruptly to look at the deliverer of said comment. Just before she blacked out she was sure she saw a man in shorts and a thin white jacket with the most vivid green eyes she had seen since…

"Harry" she managed to groan before everything went dark.

…

Vivid colors blended into each other in a kaleidoscope of senses. Her body was on fire. So hot, so hot. Everything was wrong, the smells, the sounds, memory's that should have felt right felt wrong, thoughts that should have made her happy filled her with rage. Nothing was right, what was she doing? Harry, have to find Harry. WHERE IS HARRY!

"Harry!"

She awoke from the feverish dream with a start, jerking upright then slowly lying back down as her body protested most adamantly to such movement. The pain in her stomach was gone replaced by an all-encompassing pain.

"Uugh, what happened" her head fell back into a soft cushy pillow.

Even her brain seemed to have been caught up in her body ache as it sluggishly churned away trying to determine the who when what and where of her situation. It didn't take long for clarity to return now that she had achieved consciousness and the first thought that came to her mind was…

"Harry".

She had apparated onto his boat while the rest of her team had been dropped in the drink. She had seen him only a glance but she knew it was him. It was probably safe to assume then that Harry had brought her here, wherever here was.

She looked around the tiny room with little luck. It was small, unadorned, the only other thing in it besides the bed she lay on was a full length mirror on the opposite wall. This of course gave her the second start of the day as she got a good look at herself for the first time.

Her hair was, no surprise, a bushy tangled mess but someone had tied a band of some sort around her forehead to keep it pulled back out of her face. Her robes were gone as was everything she had been wearing underneath it. In its place was a biking which gave her flashbacks to her Yule ball gown with its periwinkle color and lacy straps. It was easy to see why she hadn't realized the change upon waking, it was really quite comfortable, though that didn't change the fact that she was going to throttle whoever took liberties with her unconscious body.

Slowly this time, she rose to a sitting position and then ever so carefully came to her feet. She took a moment breathing in huge breaths of air and feeling some of the pain ebb away. She took a moment of vanity to examine herself in the mirror and couldn't help but smile. Whoever had made the rather daring bit of swimwear certainly knew what they were doing because she looked good. Even after two children she still looked good.

The thought of her children brought a frown to her lips which she didn't fully understand. Putting it out of her mind she took a cautious step, then another, and so on and so on till she reached the door that would take her out of the little room. With a deep breath to brace herself, she turned the knob and stepped outside.

…

The bracing gust of air nearly blew her back into the room and the sudden burst of sunshine blinded her momentarily as she came out on deck. Before she was able to get her bearings a familiar voice rang out from behind her.

"Avast fair lass, who that lovely maid be stumbling about on my deck."

She turned, her back now to the sun, and spotted him immediately. He had changed that was for certain but she still recognized him. The scrawny boy with the messy hair had been replaced by a man, bronzed by the sun, hair swept by the wind. The bones that seemed to poke out in places were now well hidden beneath a most appealing layer of well-toned muscle. He looked good.

"Harry" she whispered, more for her own peace of mind than to actually be heard.

With surprising grace for someone who could barely move moments before she was across the deck and wrapping her arms around her best friend for the first time in over ten years.

"Oh god Harry I missed you."

She felt his arms go around her, "Nice to see you too Hermione."

The stood there for a time as wind blew and sea rolled around them. She hadn't had a good hug in the longest time and for some reason being there in Harry's arms felt more right than the rare occasion her husband embraced her.

That thought caused her to pull away and he let her, though only to arm's length.

"You look good" she said, finding it difficult to remember words as she admired her friend up close.

"You always did" he shot back which mad the light blush she'd been sporting bloom like roses.

"Speaking of which" she said in a dangerous tone, "who was it that saw fit to strip me naked while I was unconscious and slip me into a bikini?"

"Sorry bout that but there's a dress code on my boat and I enforce it most strictly" he said, not the least bit intimidated.

The mention of his boat distracted her from her current line of questioning when she was reminded of what had happened upon boarding.

"What happened to the others, the others that were with me?"

"You think I just let every Tom Dick and Harry apparate onto my ship" he said with a look that said exactly what he thought of that, "now a Hermione, that's a completely different story."

"Harry" she said exasperatedly.

"Or Tom or Dick if you prefer" he said.

"Prat."

"That to" he said grinning.

She felt she shouldn't have but she just couldn't help smiling back. She couldn't be mad at him, even if she wanted to be, and if she were being honest she didn't really want to be. Which made what she was about to say all that much harder.

"Harry, the ministry wants you back."

"Oh. Really?" he said, stepping away from her and back to the wheel.

"The minister himself asked me to join the team sent to retrieve you."

"Retrieve me aye" he said giving her a sidelong glance, "and what exactly does Shacklebolt want with little old me?"

"Uh, Fudge" she mumbled.

"Come again, I didn't hear you with the wind in my ear."

"Cornelius Fudge is minister now."

That got his attention and she squirmed under it as he stared wide eyed at her. Then with no warning at all he broke out into laughter as if he had suddenly gotten the joke.

"Oh that is rich. They really put that overstuffed baboon back in office? And he actually thought that I would step foot in that country while he was in charge" He fell back into laughter again for a while, unable to form whole sentences.

Hermione could only stand there and wait for him finish which took much longer than necessary she thought.

"Harry this is no joking matter" she insisted.

"You tell me that Cornelius Fudge, the only minister to be kicked out of office in the past two hundred years somehow got back in and is now demanding I return like I was some ruddy dog he could order around and you can't see the joke in that?"

"Harry, it's not like that, he's not ordering, we came to ask you" she insisted, because that is what she had been told.

"Hermione you tried to get onto my boat with a full contingent of aurors. What possible reason would you need all that manpower for to ask someone to come with you?"

Considering the question it did seem rather obvious she had not been given the whole truth.

"Well, I wasn't wearing the bikini then" she shot back childishly, regretting it immediately as it made her feel both stupid and self-conscious.

"Looks good on you" he said.

She didn't know what to say to that so she just blushed, hugging herself in a poor attempt to cover her assets.

…

Things were awkward for a while so Hermione found a seat out on the deck to mope on. It was really hard to mope though with the sun shining down like it was. She didn't even notice when she uncurled herself and lay back on the bench to better soak up the sun. It was warm and delicious and felt so good on her skin. She never noticed when the boat began to slow or when Harry left the wheel and began pacing around the deck.

She probably wouldn't have even noticed him picking up the harpoon if it hadn't cast a shadow across her vision.

"Harry" she said groggily, "what're you doing."

"Catchin lunch" he said before walking by her around the edge of the deck.

She wanted to ask him what he was talking about but never had the chance as he suddenly dove over the edge of the boat and disappeared with barely a splash. She shot up and ran to where he had dove of the boat but couldn't see him anywhere in the water. She looked about frantically and was almost ready to dive in after him when he finally surfaced, scaring the living daylights out of her in the process.

He climbed up the side of the boat using some sort of invisible handholds and stepped back on deck with harpoon in hand and a half dozen brightly colored fish skewered on it. The sudden adrenaline rush and appearance a hot dripping man flesh only distracted her for a minute (maybe two) before something she hadn't even noticed made itself imminently clear.

She wasn't sick. For some reason it simply hadn't occurred to her until then that the illness that had plagued her since she had set sail was completely gone. Not just that, but she was hungry.

"Uh, Harry" she said sheepishly.

"Yes Hermione" he replied.

"You were going to share weren't you" she said giving him her best doe eyes.

"Of course I was" he said without a second thought, "Why wouldn't I?"

Yeah, why wouldn't he?

She said nothing as she watched him remove the fish from the spear and with a practiced ease begin to prepare them. Of course she knew Harry would never have let her go hungry, it was completely against his nature. She knew why she had asked though. It was just the first thing that came out of her mouth after so long living with Ron. He wouldn't have shared, not unless she had asked/demanded.

It was but one of the many ways that the man she had married was different from the man before her. Ron had never really looked this good she mused as she watched Harry go about his work practically naked. She had seen Ron completely naked plenty of times and he had never looked this good. Ron had always loved to go on about Quidditch and insisted it was great exercise. The truth of the matter was quite evident however as she compared the two men in her mind.

Harry surely had not developed those sinewy muscles and that nice tight butt by riding around on a broom. She didn't even realize she was staring until he turned a bit and smiled at her. She knew she'd been caught but she couldn't find it in her to care and just smiled back.

Harry took it as a challenge and setting the fish to spinning in the air stood up and stretched. It was really a fantastic display, all those muscles pulled taught, straining against the skin. It took a physical effort not to drool at the sight.

Of course two could play that game and as Harry turned around Hermione leaned back into a stretch of her own, arching her back, pushing her chest out in the most appealing way. She didn't think for a moment about what she was doing, knowing she'd lose the courage to do it and there was some niggling part of her that kept insisting that she really wanted to do it.

When she opened her eyes again Harry was looking at her, his expression said it all.

'Well played'.

She grinned back at him, 'I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about'.

Eventually the smell of cooking fish drew both their attention and Harry returned to his floating fish as they cooked. Hermione watched in fascination. She had seen magic used to cook countless times but Harry had no wand that she could see and there was no visible flame of any cooking the fish yet they were obviously cooking if the smell was anything to go by. And where did he get those seasonings and the table, and those chairs, and was that violin music.

Harry, oblivious to her inner musings walked to one of the chairs and pulling it out, motioned for her to take a seat. Walking as gracefully as she could across the deck she took the offered seat which he then pushed in.

The fished appeared on plate's right before each seat as soon as Harry had taken his. The smell was overwhelmingly delicious and her manners were far from proper as she dug in to the delectable dish. Three fish later she sat back, sated and content. Her hands were greasy but her tummy was happy so she didn't really care.

"Sorry about that" she said after the plates and bones had vanished and the table was clear, "I don't know why I was so hungry."

"Four days with nothing to eat will do that" he said offhandedly.

"Four days?" she said, confused.

"You passed out on my deck four days ago. I had to purge your system before the illness would pass."

"Purge my… what do you mean, what was wrong with me?"

"Understand Hermione" he said, looking her straight in the eye, "the energies move much differently out here on the water than they do on land. Magics behave differently, even potions may not do exactly what you want or expect."

"Potions, why did you mention potions" knowing his distaste for the subject it seemed odd.

"Because that's what was wrong with you. The love potion someone's been dousing you with was reacting badly to the churning energies. That's what was making you sick" he said calmly.

"Love potion" she whispered, as though unable to believe it, "But who."

He raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'you really have to ask.'

"No, it couldn't be Ron I mean, Ron hates potions he's could never brew something like that" it was a flimsy defense.

"I doubt he did" said Harry, "It was probably Molly. Given what we know about her own romantic past it seems like the sort of thing she'd do for her most useless son."

It was hard to argue, especially when she so easily remembered Molly's favorite story to tell when it was just the girls about how she'd gotten Arthur to notice her when they were in school. It made complete sense. Damn it!

"I just can't believe, all these years, two children, all based on a lie" she felt like crying.

Not for a marriage based on a lie. Not for two children produced by what was basically rape. The Marriage had never been that good and the children were far too much like their father at that age except they didn't listen to their mother. No, she wanted to cry for all the time wasted, lost because she had been careless.

Harry could easily make out her emotions as they ran the gamut across her face. He left his seat and lifted her from hers, then wrapped his arms around her. Without thought she buried her face against his neck hugging him back like a vice. He was her anchor, her safe place, and even as she quietly sobbed against him she couldn't help but wonder why she'd never seen it before.

Harry hadn't been perfect but he had always been there when she needed him. When it really counted there he was, her hero, her white knight. Whether it was a troll that needed tackling or a hundred dementors, nothing was too much for Harry. Why hadn't she seen it before?

But a morose thought made her pull away from her safe place and sniffle, "Even so, he's still my husband. They're still my children."

Harry only nodded as if to say he understood, "Yes, Hermione Weasley has a husband and children."

"What do I do?" she pleaded, ready to throw herself back into his arms.

"Stop being Hermione Weasley" he said matter of factly.

"What?" her confusion for a moment overcame her sorrow.

"Stop being Hermione Weasley. I personally much preferred Hermione Granger."

"Harry, it's not that simple" she said weakly.

"Isn't it?" he challenged.

She tried to respond but couldn't find the words, a few tears slipping out at her frustration. Harry reached a gentle hand out and brushed them away stepping in close so their noses were almost touching.

"Let me put it this way" he said, "I could never do this to Hermione Weasley" and without warning he captured her lips.

Her resistance melted away instantly and she stifled a small groan when he pulled away much too soon.

"But Hermione Granger" this time she was ready and embraced him even as he ravaged her lips with his. Her entire body was aflame with passion like she had never felt before. She never wanted it to end though inevitably they did have to come up for air.

"Hermione Weasley has an unworthy husband and two ungrateful children she has to go back to" he panted against her neck which made her tremble with desire, "but Hermione Granger…"

"Isn't going anywhere" she whispered lustily into his ear.

…

P.S. If the boats a rockin, don't come a knockin


	3. 02 Love is thicker than Blood

Castle Transylvania

According to Bram Stoker it was the home of the most notorious vampire to ever not live.

As Hermione Weasley stared at the massive gothic monster she could totally believe the place housed vampires. It was made even easier to believe by her reason for being there in the first place, to attend a meeting with vampires.

And not just any vampires she reminded herself, these were the royals among vampires, every one of them more than two hundred years old if her research was correct. Not to mention the possibility of the vampire king being in residence. Intel had been sketchy on his exact location which meant it was completely possible that the father of all vampires was in fact waiting for them.

"Is everyone ready?"

She turned from her inspection as the leader of the ambassadorial team spoke. She had never met the man before and given his obvious biases in his limited interactions with her considered him a very poor choice for this sort of mission. But as the ministers hand-picked appointee for the mission there was nothing she could do but nod and follow as he headed for the castle.

It was horror story cliché as they approached the foreboding abode. Dark clouds hung overhead stretching out for miles as lightning cracked and thunder rumbled like some angry sky giant.

She walked in the middle of the group of seven sent on this particular mission. No one spoke and she couldn't begin to imagine how any of them felt about this particular assignment. It was easy to tell however that most of the team resented her presence. Let them, she thought, she knew why she was here, she knew why she had agreed to come to this dark and desolate local.

It wasn't because the minister had asked her to go, Cornelius Fudge was many things but suave and charming were not among them. It wasn't because she feared the new dark lord, not that she thought he would spare her if the situation came to that but she'd been through worse. It wasn't even just a good excuse to get away from her husband and children, though it was mighty close she admitted to herself.

No one had seen Harry Potter in nearly a decade and things had not been going well before that. The last time she had personally seen her best friend he had knocked her husband over a table when said husband, also drunk, had said something very foolish about Luna Lovegood who had just become Luna Longbottom. For once she had stayed out of it, not that it would have done any good to intercede as the punch that sent him sailing ass over teakettle also knocked him out.

Harry had apologized profusely to the bride and groom who both assured him it was alright and informed her that it was perhaps time she took her husband home. Of course the words used to describe Ronald had been a bit more harsh and not at all the sort of things she had ever expected to hear out of Neville of all people but they were right and she had, with some difficulty, taken her idiot home.

She had only seen the Longbottoms sporadically since then but that had little to do with her and much to do with them as Luna, now free of Hogwarts, had taken to dragging her husband all over the world in search of new and fascinating creatures to report on. Neville, according to Luna, was a somewhat sub-par photographer, but he sexed her up so she couldn't complain. There had to be some truth to it as well since their first and only child thus far would be turning seven soon.

She had kept in some manner of contact with most of the students in their year at Hogwarts, even the ones who had left the country or the magical world entirely still wrote to her on occasion. All except one, and it was that one that she hoped to find in awful bleak Transylvania Castle.

They reached the castle gates and waited while the team leader approached and knocked on the massive double doors. They waited and when no answer came he knocked again, harder. Rubbing his sore knuckles and scowling when no reply came again he motioned for one of the others to try.

Hermione just shook her head. They'd need a sledgehammer to be able to knock hard enough for anyone to hear them. Obviously there had to be a different way and as she surveyed the doorframe she noticed a pile of something of to the right which looked a bit like a coil of rope. It was barely recognizable by now but she had a hunch she knew what it used to be and looking up she saw she was right. Up and to the right of the door was the rest of the rope, or in this case, the remains of a primitive doorbell.

Pulling her wand she gave a short flick which tugged on the end of the rope. A gong like bell rang out which had the entire rest of her team jumping about in fear and grabbing for their wands. Sad to say only two of them managed to do so without dropping them first.

She audibly sighed, it was just a good thing they weren't expecting a fight, she thought.

It was only moments later that someone at last answered the door. A dour looking man who could have been mistaken for a skeleton with skin looked out at the assembled wizards and one witch with a complete lack of interest.

"Yes."

Pompously the leader of their team stepped forward, "Yes we are the delegation from the Ministry of Magic of Great Britain. I believe we are expected."

The skeletal doorman stared at him, and stared at him, and for a change of pace stared at him some more. His eyes showed no emotion and were completely blank making it impossible to tell if anything had actually gotten through. The angry little man seemed about ready to curse when the doorman at last spoke again.

"Come inside" he said stepping back as he pulled the door open further for them to enter.

With an indignant huff their leader did so, the rest of them following close behind. The continued walking forward though without any clear direction and Hermione felt a small chill when she heard the massive door swing shut behind them. She spared a glance back only to discover the doorman had already vanished. Her sense of foreboding grew.

The distance to the keep from the outer wall was considerable, certainly more than it had appeared at first glance and they were all a bit winded when they finally reached another pair of massive wooden doors. Before they had a chance to repeat their earlier routine the door opened and out walked a fabulous albeit gothic looking woman.

Her hair was jet black which contrasted beautifully against her pale whit skin. Her pants appeared to be some form of black leather by the way they gleamed in the torch light and so tight they looked painted on. She wore a black corset with vertical red bands over a white silk shirt which appeared too short to reach past the bottom of the corset, revealing a tantalizing bit of skin between bottoms and tops. Her most striking attribute however were the pearly white fangs displayed against ruby red lips that, shamed as she was to admit, sent a shiver down her spine that had nothing to do with fear.

The ambassadorial leader, apparently finding his throat quite dry attempted to speak but was fortunately save from making a fool of himself.

"The delegation from Britain I presume. You are expected of course" she said, her voice like sweet honey to the ears.

Pushing the massive door open with ridiculous ease she motioned them inside. Gathering their wits, slowly, they did as bade, shuffling inside past the delectable temptation that had greeted them.

The room they entered was pitch black and they all stumbled into one another as they entered, less like a group of ambassadors and more like a clamor of clowns.

"My apologies" crooned the honeyed voice, "we have little need for illumination, we see so well in the dark."

There was a sound like a wind blowing all around them and Hermione felt something brush past her, like a hand caressing her face.

"Darling, some light for our guests before they begin walking into the walls" there was more than a hint of mirth in her voice when she said that.

Much to their relief however, a soft glow began to light the room as dozens upon dozens of candles came alive, holding their tiny flames atop their heads like obedient soldiers. As the gloom of darkness lifted they could finally make out the room they had so willingly stumbled into.

They were currently under a low ceiling which ended at a series of pillars wear the ceiling rose considerable, disappearing into the darkness above which looked to possess similar enchantments to the ceiling in the great Hall of Hogwarts as the storm outside could be seen with startling clarity. Old armors lined the sides of the rooms like patient soldiers, some still holding their halberds in hand while others held more practical implements of tall many tiered candelabras.

At the far end of the room stood the woman who had greeted them, standing next to an austere looking seat upon which was a finely dressed man with rich black hair tied in a single ponytail, holding a diamond topped cane in one hand while the other rested under his chin while the elbow was propped against the arm of his throne.

This could only be one man, thought Hermione, the vampires king himself. She wasn't the only one who came to that conclusion and she soon found herself rushing to keep up with the rest of the group as they approached the throne at what she thought was rudely brisk pace.

The vampire king didn't seem to pay their abruptness any mind, simply watching as they stopped barely ten paces from him and gave their shallow bows. Hermione for her part gave what she hoped was a respectful curtsy.

"Greetings sir from Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic for all great Britain and Northern Ireland" spoke their leader, his loud bombastic voice making Hermione cringe a bit.

The vampire king gave barely more than a nod in acknowledgment which made her smirk a bit. It wasn't kind but she really didn't like the annoying little bureaucrat.

"I am the Vampire King, you may call me sire" replied the ancient royal, "And you have already met the Grand Duchess Elizabeth Duvalier."

"Indeed" he admitted, poorly concealing his efforts not to stare at the Grand Duchess, "Well sir, we are here on a most grave matter."

Hermione flinched at the word grave.

"Really" said the vampire king with clearly feigned curiosity, "and what matter could possibly be so, grave."

The way he spoke the word sent an unpleasant shiver down her spine, unlike the one she had received from the Grand Duchess which had been only embarrassing.

"It has come to our understanding that you have taken in one of our citizens and even now hold him against his will."

Could he be less diplomatic, she thought.

"Is that so?"

The vampire king looked thoughtful. Hermione considered this a good thing since it meant he was less likely to kill them all, at least right away.

"Elizabeth, are we holding anyone right now?"

"The dungeons are currently empty sire" she replied, "As is my bedroom, for the moment" the last was said with a salacious look that had the rest of her party trying very hard not to look at her which only made her grin.

"Well there you are" said the king as though that settled the whole affair.

The obvious dismissal was not taken well, "Now see here, we know you have him. Our intelligence…" he began to say.

"Your intelligence is a joke told by everyone who has ever heard of it" interrupted a voice which echoed through the chamber.

All present turned toward the sound of heels on stone but Hermione was the first to see him. He wore a long black coat which was buttoned down to and flared out at the waist where it fell to his knees. Long black pants were tucked into the tops of solid looking black boots of what she immediately assumed were of muggle manufacture.

Staring at him there could be no mistaking him as even though he wore thick goggles with green tinted lenses that hid his eyes and covered what remained of his notorious scar, his hair was still the same rat's nest it had always been.

"Harry" escaped her lips before she could stop it.

"Potter" exclaimed the leader, following her pronouncement.

"Yes and yes" he said, "though I haven't actually been called Potter in some time. Most of my peers simply call me Lord Black."

"Mr. Potter, by the authority of the Minister of Magic you are hereby summoned to return to the Isle of your birth, that being Great Britain."

Harry looked at the pompous ambassador and gave disdainful snort, "You know I was mildly upset when I heard that the previous minister had been assassinated, Hello Hermione" he said as he walked past her, "upset, but not surprised. Of course I was then overcome with a completely different emotion when I heard who replace him. Care to guess what that emotion was."

"Elation I would hope."

Harry chuckled, "Mirth actually, I was overcome with mirth. I laughed so hard I pissed myself and nearly cracked a rib."

This did not go over well as the lead ambassador appeared to idolize the minister, not unlike a rather distasteful woman Hermione remembered, "Now see here Mr. Potter…"

"Oh shove it up your arse you pathetic little pencil pusher" said Harry, calmly striding up to the Grand Duchess, though giving a brief bow to the king first.

The Duchess for her part gazed at him through half lidded eyes and slid an arm around his shoulder as he drew near, "Hello Darling" she cooed.

The entire room was suddenly stilled by the power of their kiss and Hermione felt a small pang of jealousy which she found very difficult to ignore.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Potter cease this nonsense at once. As a citizen of Great Britain it is your duty to answer when called by your government and its auspicious leaders" he began what Hermione recognized would be a long rant.

"Duty is it" said Harry, cutting him off before he could really get into his speech, "I have many duties, to many people, but as for that corpulent corpse Cornelius Fudge, I have no duty to him. Certainly no duty that involves the slaying of a certain dark lord that's been giving you lot on the island trouble of late."

They were all taken aback at this, Hermione less so despite being the least informed of the entire group.

"Oh, didn't think we knew about that" he said mockingly.

"Regardless of what you think you know, you are to return to Britain and deal with the situation by order of the Minister of Magic and counter signed by the Wizengamot" at this he produced a very official looking parchment with a long list of signatures at the bottom.

Harry looked unimpressed but it was the Duchess who spoke first, "that would be something of a conflict of interest seeing as the vampire court has already signed a treaty of neutrality with this dark lord".

There was a collective gasp as this was apparently news to them, and not the good kind.

"My life mate is right, and as a member in good standing of the vampire court it would really be quite impossible for me to do this thing you demand I do, even if I were of a mind to do it, which I'm not" he amended at the end just so there would be no confusion.

All at once they began shouting at him but Hermione remained silent. It wasn't that the dark lord had treated with the vampires that had her in shock. That was just politics and good politics on the part of the dark lord. No, it was that offhanded way he referred to the Duchess as his 'life mate' that had her standing as still as a statue. The kiss should have tipped her off but it was the casual way he claimed her, the possessive arm around her waist as he weathered the mindless shouting of her own people that did it.

Her stomach sank like an anchor. Of all the things she had expected to find in Transylvania, this was not among them.

Finally the mostly ignored king of the vampires grew tired of the noise and with single tap of his cane sent a concussive wave blasting out before him. It wasn't enough to hurt them but it did shut them up.

"That will be quite enough of that" he said in a tone that brooked no argument, "you have your answer, now be gone, you have thoroughly exhausted my patience."

"Now see here".

It was stupid, anyone would have said so, but Hermione firmly believed that most Purebloods were a bit off in the head and those that went into politics even more so. All it took was a pronounced jerk of vampires cane and the fool went flying across the hall. He didn't stop there though. Hitting the floor he just kept going, presumably out the keep across the yard and out the gate.

The rest of them took only a moment to consider before following their leader, but doing so on their own power. Hermione waited though till they were all gone, looking at her old friend, and the beautiful woman in his arms. What should she say? What could she say? For the first time in her life, she didn't know.

"It was nice seeing you again Harry" she mumbled, then turned and strode from the hall.

Her movements were precise and controlled, her face fighting to hold back tears, praying that he would speak. Something, anything, but there was nothing and as she left the keep the tears came but she would not turn around. She would not let him see her cry.

…

The three members of the vampire court waited stoically till their 'guests' had left the grounds.

"Well, that was exciting" said the Vampire king jovially.

"Oh really now Igor" said the Duchess which only made the kings smile bigger.

Turning to her love she noticed he still looked pensive, "Darling, darling what's wrong?"

He didn't answer her, instead turning out to the hall and speaking in a loud voice, "Orchid. I know you're there. Come out now."

The two vampires looked surprised and began glancing around the room but unable to find anything even with their heightened senses.

Harry on the other hand raised his left heel the stepped down hard. A slight tremor ensued and an undignified 'eep' followed by a little girl in with long black hair tied in pigtails.

"Orchid Lillian Black."

The little girl flinched at the use of her full name but stood up to face her punishment none the less.

"What have I told you about lurking in the shadows?"

Her little face turned up as she spoke, green eyes sparkling, "Stop getting caught, it's embarrassing!"

Her father's serious face turned into a smile, "Now if only you'd actually do it" he said lifting his daughter up into his arms.

"I'm getting better" she insisted, "Momma and Uncle Igor didn't know I was there."

Harry said nothing to this lest he suffer his lover's wrath.

"Oh you little rapscallion" said her mother, "What am I going to do with you?"

The little girl smiled but then looked over her father's shoulder, "Daddy, who was that lady, she seemed sad?"

Harry's smile became rueful at this, "An old friend sweetie, someone daddy hasn't seen since before you were born."

Or was likely to see ever again after this, he thought.


	4. 03 Crazy wizards building towers

Crazy Wizards building towers

"So Jones, this'll be your first time seein it then aye."

Junior Auror Jones nodded at his new partner, Senior Auror Ronald Weasley.

"Of course I've heard about it before sir I mean who hasn't, but I've never actually been there myself."

The Senior Auror nodded, "Truth be told not a lot of people have. Only been out there twice myself."

"And, what was it like" the young auror made little effort to hide his curiosity.

"Tall" said Ron, "Very tall".

"That's it?" said the dejected Jones.

"Well you understand the tower is the only thing you can see past the wall. He obviously wanted his privacy. Even the gate, this fancy looking thing all full a swirls and patterns and what not, can't see through there neither. Got some sort of spell on it that blurs everything."

"Oh, I see."

"We even tried usin brooms to get above the wall and see inside but no go, all ya could see was some illusion, a grassy hill, even the tower disappears once ya get above the wall" Ron said with a shake of his head, "bloody nutter".

"So, you've never seen the inside then?" asked Jones.

"No one has, well probably no one. Looney Lovegood claims she has but ya can't believe half the things that girl says ya know."

"Of course sir" Though he only vaguely knew who 'Looney Lovegood' was he figured his partner probably knew what he was talking about.

"Alright then you know our assignment, get in, find him, deliver the message."

Nice, simple, easy to remember, Ron's favorite kind of missions.

"Do we know for sure he's even in their sir?" said Jones, bringing up a valid point.

"Nope. And if he isn't we just wait until he is. Ya don't build something like Potter Tower without a way to know when people get in" said Ron confidently.

"They say you used to be friends with him sir. What was he like?"

Ron grinned, even more than ten years since he'd since he seen the bloke people were still asking him that question.

"He was a decent bloke most of the time ya know, a pretty good friend, and weren't no one better to have at yur back in a fight let me tell you."

"Was he really as good as they say?"

"Well, you know how rumors are, but I'll tell ya, When he defeated You-Know-Who it wasn't by accident."

"Whatever happened to him then?" asked Jones, "why become a hermit like he did?"

"Well ya gotta understand" said Ron, "Harry, he had a dark side to him. Right scary at times and there was the drinkin to. After he won he started drinkin and just never really stopped. Course his friends tried to help but he wouldn't have any of it, said he just wanted to be left alone".

"So, did they leave him alone?"

"Most of em, not me though. Wouldn't be much of a friend if I had" said Ron, nodding to himself, "Yeah, last time I saw im we were both into our cups a bit, don't really remember what was said but he got all mad about it n' stormed off. Next thing I know he's building a tower."

"So, you haven't seen him in more than ten years?"

"Yep, figure he's had enough time to cool down."

…

Potter tower was, just as Ron had described, tall, very very tall. A simple enough structure of large black stones arranged in a cylinder that just went up and up and up.

"Told ya it was tall" said Ron as he waited for his trainee to take it all in.

"It hardly seems possible for something like that to stand even with magic" said the awestruck Jones.

"Maybe if you're lucky you can ask him how he did it when you meet him" said Ron stepping down the path toward the gate.

Jones had to run a bit to catch up and they reached the gate together. The senior auror hadn't been lying about the gate either. In all his life Jones had never seen anything so incredibly intricate. The person who crafted this must have been a genius, he thought, or irrevocably mad, he added.

"So how do we get in?" asked Jones?

Ron seemed to ponder this for a moment before walking right up to the gate.

"Oy, Harry, you in there!" he shouted, much to the disbelief of his partner.

Ron leaned against the gate to try and get a better look inside and much to his surprise the gates swung open.

"Well, how bout that." He said, "Well, come on Jones".

Confused and still a bit awestruck the young auror followed. Because of this neither noticed when a sign at the side of the door stating 'Private Property' flashed, followed by the one beneath it which said 'You Have Been Warned'.

…

Ron could admit he was amazed by what his old friend had built. Just past the gate was a massive garden. Stone plinths stood with decorative vases full of ornamental flowers and shrubs. Some even held young trees in full fruit which Ron was quick to take advantage of. Further in was a ten foot hedge wall though this was clearly only meant for decorative purposes as in had a break every ten feet or so which coincided with the tile that cover the ground, an alternating black and white much like chess board where each 'board' was separated from the next by a pure white line that went between the hedges.

Honestly, Ron thought, the whole thing looked more like something Neville would have built.

"Senior Auror, are you sure you should be eating that?" said Jones, referring to the apple Ron had been munching on.

"Why not?" said Ron with a mouthful of fruit.

"Well, it could be, poisoned?" he said weakly, knowing just how lame it sounded.

"An apple? Really Jones, who ever heard of a poisoned apple?"

He scoffed, tossing the core away before following the closest path past the hedge, Jones following close behind.

Past the hedge wall the decoration changed dramatically. The tile became all white and set in a circular pattern moving out from the tower itself. The plants in vases had been mostly replaced by marble statues. Wizards and witches stood about in various poses, a half dozen goblins in full armor stood at attention behind a flowing fountain where two stone women sat, one whispering into the others ear.

Ron barely glanced over any of this, his attention being drawn almost immediately to the table full of food in the midst of it all. He could smell even from where he was that it was real and fresh and delicious. Two Large hams with slices already waiting sat between two turkeys of respectable size, their juices gleaming in the light. Baskets and baskets of fresh rolls, still steaming, dotted the table amidst bowls and bowls of potatoes and a half dozen boats of thick brown gravy. Vegetable trays full of celery and radishes, crinkled carrot sticks and luscious cherry tomatoes, all fought for a place in the nooks and crannies left between the other dishes.

It was a sight to behold, a meal fit for a king, a wonder that the table was still holding under the weight of it all. For Ron Weasley, well, he didn't even have to think about it.

So while Jones was admiring the statuary, Ron was appreciating the culinary. Not that big a surprise to anyone who knew him of course but Jones had only just become Ron's partner and was thus incredibly shocked when he found the senior auror cramming a cherry tomato into his mouth with one hand while the other held a half-eaten turkey leg.

"Auror what are you doing!" he screamed, aghast.

"Oh don't tell me this is poisoned as well" said Ron rolling his eyes.

"That is beside the point" he insisted.

"I wouldn't waste your time talking to him when he's like that."

The young auror turned to the new voice startled, grasping clumsily for his wand. What he saw stilled him in an instant. He sat upon a massive stone lion posed in a crouch, the tails of his long coat hanging over its mouth open in a defiant roar.

"Harry Potter I presume" he said with only the slightest of nervous stutters.

The man nodded his messy black hair waving with the motion while his piercing green eyes remained on the nervous auror, unmoving.

"You presume correctly, though" he said, sliding off the statue, "given where you are and who is known to live here, I doubt it was a difficult conclusion to come to."

"Uh, yes sir" he said bashfully.

Harry simply nodded again, "State your business."

"Well sir, we, that is myself and Auror Weasley" he said gesturing to the table only to find that his partner had wandered off.

He began to panic for a moment till he heard a small splash. Both men looked to the fountain on the other side of the table to find Ron who had discovered a goblet somewhere and was filling it from the fountain for what appeared to be the second time.

"I don't know what this is but it is ruddy good!" he exclaimed before downing the whole thing in a single go and returning for another refill.

Jones was mortified, "I am so very sorry Mr. Potter."

"He's full capable of apologizing for himself" said Harry, with disinterest, "Not that he will."

Jones didn't know what to say to that so he did the only thing he could thing of and returned to the previous question.

"Well as I was saying, we were sent by the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, to deliver a message to you sir."

"Oh really?"

"Yes sir" said the little auror.

"And what message would the good minister wish for you to impart to me?"

His tone hadn't changed but something about the way he asked made the young auror nervous as he searched his robes for the official transcript he had been entrusted with. Finding it he thrust his hand out, betraying his nervousness, and offered the paper to its intended recipient.

"Oh, I'm afraid I don't have my reading glasses with me" said Harry, "Would you be a good chap and read it to me."

Jones would have pointed out that Harry was in fact wearing glasses but being in the presence of a living legend, the man who had slain a dark lord single handedly, he thought better of it.

Breaking the official seal he unrolled the parchment and, holding it like heralds of old, began to read.

"To Mr. Harry Potter.

Greetings from Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic for Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

It is of a most grave nature with which we pen this missive. As you may or may not be aware, in the past few years a new dark lord has arisen in place of the one you so gallantly vanquished and begun a campaign of terror against the good people of England"

"Wow, must've pulled out his thesaurus for this one" quipped Harry.

"Uh, sir?"

"Continue" he said with a wave.

"Among his targets have been some of our most noble and prestigious citizens, each a paragon of societal virtue."

"Right, all wealthy purebloods" he interjected again to Jones confusion.

"Well, yes sir."

Harry simply nodded, "Continue."

"Sadly, though through no fault of their own, our auror forces have been unsuccessful in either capturing or stopping this menace. Thus we call upon you the great slayer of Voldemort to aid us in this endeavor that we might bring peace back to our lands again. It would be a great honor to arrange a meeting that we might discuss this matter at greater length.

Sincerely yours

Cornelius Fudge"

"Roughly summed up the aurors are worthless, we need you to save our asses yet again, come see me. Does that sound about right to you Jones?"

"Uh, well, mostly right sir" he said, taking some offense to the 'aurors are worthless' comment.

"Hmmm" said Harry taking on a thinking pose, "well I don't know, what do you think Ron?"

Jones turned, expecting to see the senior auror still gorging himself, and was understandably shocked by what he saw instead. Ron Weasley, senior auror, stood with his head tilted up, a goblet tilted down above it, and a turkey leg bone in his hand. The shocking thing was not his pose but the fact that he wasn't moving, at all. And that he appeared to be made of white marble.

"But who, what could have done this, how… why?" wailed Jones as he rushed to his petrified partner.

"Huh, that just leaves out when and where" quipped Harry, following at a more sedate pace, "but given the circumstance I suppose we already know the answer to those."

"Mr. Potter really this is no time for jokes" shouted auror jones, "what's happened to him?"

"If I were to guess I would say he's been turned to stone."

"But why, and how?" said Jones simply restating his earlier query.

"Why, because I do not abide thieves auror Jones" said Harry conversationally, "and as for how, well obviously, with magic."

Jones stared aghast at what he was being told, "You, but you were standing over there with me, when did you…" he couldn't even finish the question so boggled was his mind.

"Did you perchance, auror Jones, see the sign next to the gate which state that this is 'Private Property'?"

"Uh, no sir, I must have missed it" he replied automatically.

Harry nodded in understanding, "I thought as much. Then I suppose you wouldn't have seen the one below it making it very clear, 'You have been warned'."

"No sir."

"I thought not" said Harry, "you see auror there are many magic's in the world. The best kinds do not require so paltry a tool as a wand to cast. Intent and will auror Jones are the corner stones of all magic, and they are all you really need."

"I don't understand sir" said Jones, feeling far in over his head.

"Auror Weasley is a weak willed man" he said, "If he sees a temptation he is far more likely to succumb to it than he is to resist. This for example" he said gesturing to the table "is a trap. As are the flowers in the outer garden, as is the fountain which tastes of sweet nectar."

"A trap, but a trap for what?"

"Thieves auror, please do pay attention, must I repeat myself" Harry grouched, "You think the two of you are the first ones to make it in here? Look around you Auror, look around you at all those who have come before."

Realization his him with horror close behind. There were dozens of statues and he was now being told that these were all living people once.

"How! How could you do this, all these people, no well-adjusted person could do something so beastly" he shouted his outrage overriding his fear of the man before him.

"Ah but you have said it yourself, no well-adjusted person. I am not a well-adjusted person auror Jones. No one who has been through what I have possibly could be" said Harry, casually turning his back on the auror.

"Wha… But this can't possibly be legal. You won't get away with this. I'm taking you in" he declared drawing his wand, annoyed that the man wasn't taking such horrendous acts more seriously.

"Wrong on all counts I'm afraid. If you look at the laws concerning the protection of private property you will find that what I am doing is perfectly legal, therefore I have nothing to, as you say, 'get away with'. And that being the case you have no legal grounds to take me anywhere, and besides" he said with a chuckle, "even if you did have legal ground, taking 'me' in is completely beyond your ability" mocked Harry.

"You shouldn't take me so lightly" said auror Jones, his confidence bolstered by outrage and not any real hope of beating the dark lord slayer.

Harry just turned and grinned, an infuriating grin, the sort of grin that would have driven Severus Snape into a homicidal rage.

"You may want to consider for a moment where you are auror" he said, "inside my wall, on my ground, under my wards."

The auror paled which made Harry laugh.

"You really think you'll walk out of here alive unless I deign to allow it" he chuckled at the thought then gave a dismissive wave, "run along now."

Auror Jones remained frozen in place, fright and confusion stealing his ability to move.

"What…But."

"As diverting as this little conversation has been I'm afraid I really have more important things to do today you see. I had the most marvelous game of croquet in mind" he said.

Conjuring a wooden croquet hammer from nowhere he approached the statue that was once Ronald Billius Weasley and with a mighty swing and a declaration of "for" decapitated the man and sent his stone head sailing.

"Ah drat, sliced it" he said as the projected struck the tower and shatter into tiny pieces, "but then again, that's golf not croquet" he said before reeling back and popping the statue square in the family jewels which fell away into pieces, one of which happened to be the size and shape of a croquet ball which he then pursued.

It was at this point that Auror Jones came to the most obvious conclusion. This man is mad as a hatter. Showing a degree of common sense not often seen in wizards he turned quietly with the intent to sneak away from the lunatic unnoticed. He flinched when the mad man called back to him before he'd even gotten two steps.

"Oh Jones, be a sport and give my condolences to his wife would you. Oh, and tell old Fudge if he wants to talk he'll have to come here. As you can see I'm much too busy to be running about" he said, giving his new croquet ball a good solid whack.

Without a work Auror Jones ran for his life. Past the hedge, down the white path and out the gate he ran, as far away from the crazy wizard and his tower as he could possibly get.


	5. 04 Fast Track

Fast Track

The letter was addressed to the Garage on fourth. What sort of person lived in a garage? And for that matter what sort of parent named their child Sprocket? Probably the same kind that lived in a garage, she mused.

It had been ten years since the fall of Voldemort and Hermione Granger was exactly where she wanted to be, Professor of Transfiguration and Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. It had been a long road to that point and one she had been forced to walk mostly alone. The loss of Ron Weasley in her life was hardly worth mention, she was actually much calmer without him around, but the disappearance of Harry Potter had been a blow that had taken her some time to recover from, almost resulting in the biggest mistake of her life.

Brushing some invisible dust from her skirt she walked toward the garage which appeared to be open but stopped short when someone came out. He was wearing a thick pair of goggles and his black hair was an absolute mess. He didn't seem to notice her as he peeled off the heavy coat he'd been wearing to reveal a firmly toned and muscular body with a tattoo of a stylized lightning bolt running from his left shoulder to his left pectoral.

The streaks of black grease did little to mar the perfection she was staring at and stare she did. Her cheeks colored as she imagined what she would like to do with that body and decided that if things went well, she just might try and find out.

All that changed when he pulled off the goggles and she got a look at his eyes. All the blood rushed from her face which went from cherry red to sheet white in an instant. She knew those eyes. There were no glasses in the way sure but there was still no mistaking those eyes. Only one man in the world could have eyes like that and upon closer inspection she saw it, the faint remnants of a scar on his forehead. She'd found him.

"Harry" she choked out.

It was all confirmed when he looked up upon hearing his name. He blinked, then blinked again, she was afraid for a moment he wouldn't recognize her, that he'd forgotten her.

"Hermione?"

That was all it took. She practically teleported the distance between them and wrapped her lost friend in a Hermy hug that threatened to crack bones, all dirty thoughts from earlier gone (which was probably for the best, the rating for this story doesn't cover what would be happening if they weren't).

For a few minutes she just cried, crushed her now found friend and cried. Harry took it rather well, snatching a breath where he could and waiting ever so patiently for her to calm down enough to let him go.

Eventually she did let him go. Harry rather wished she hadn't as she then slugged him in the arm.

"You insensitive prat, where have you been?" she yelled.

"Here? " He said, confused, "what sort of time frame are we talking about?"

"How about since the last time I saw you, how about ten years".

He seemed to consider for a moment, "Here" he said, "Mostly here."

His answer elicited an exasperated sigh from his friend which just made him grin, that same grin that she could never stay mad at.

"Oh Harry" and the hug was back.

This time he was quick enough to save his arms which Hermione was thankful for since he used them to return her hug full force. In that moment she couldn't have been more happy. Of course time must move on, and she did have work to do. Not that there was any rush of course, though it was an odd coincidence finding Harry here of all places when she was delivering a Hogwarts letter.

Her mind locked up, a thousand what if's vying for attention.

"Harry?"

"Yes Hermione" he replied, giving his friend space as she pulled something from her robe.

"You don't live, Here, do you?"

"Yes, why do you ask" he said giving her a quizzical look.

She held out a familiar looking letter expecting some sort of reaction. She was sorely disappointed.

"Was wondering when she'd be getting one of those" he said with complete disinterest, "Sprocket!"

"What!" came the replying holler.

"Come out here for a second."

It wasn't a moment later that a small girl in surprisingly clean and well mended overalls with her hair in a simple ponytail came walking out.

"What is it? I was working on Carl's. You know he needs it for tonight. You finish welding that part?" she fired off, seemingly without taking a breath.

"Yeah, just finished. It's sittin on the bench it just needs a quick polish before ya put it in" he said.

"Okay" she said and turned to leave.

"Whoa there, hold on a sec, that's not what I called you out here for".

The little girl looked back and seemed to see Hermione for the first time, "Customer?"

"Nope, she's and old friend from school".

"So she's a…"

Harry just nodded. They both obviously knew what she was.

"Well why's she here?"

"She's here to see you" he said.

"What for?"

"Ehem, if I may" interrupted Hermione.

Stepping up to the little girl named Sprocket she held out the Hogwarts letter. Instead of taking it she simply read it, making no move whatsoever to touch it.

"Oh I see, this is the infamous 'Hogwarts Letter'" she said, so infamous it apparently required air quotes.

"That's correct. You've been offered the opportunity to study magic at the most prestigious school in all of Great Britain and…" began Hermione, preparing to roll into a well-practiced speech.

"Yeah yeah, that's great and all but I really have to pass," she said, "Now if you'll excuse me I have an engine to rebuild."

And without another word she walked back into the garage and disappeared. Hermione was dumbstruck.

"What just happened there?"

"She said no" replied Harry.

"What, but she can't just…"

"Sorry Hermione I hate to cut you off but you came at a rather busy time and as much as I'd love to stay here and debate this with you I have stuff I have to be doing" he said patting her on the shoulder, "But feel free to stop by some time. It was nice seeing you again. Later."

And just like that he was gone and she was alone, standing there stuck in a mental loop wondering what the hell had just happened. Sure she'd had people say no before but not so blatantly or dismissively. She had gotten up that morning expecting to have nice visit with a muggle family and explain to them that their child was special and needed to go to a school where they would learn to harness that special for the betterment of society. She had not expected to come to someone's garage, find her long lost best friend, get blown off by some little girl and then ignored by the recently rediscovered best friend.

"What the hell is going on here" she said to no one, as there was no one else there, or so she thought.

"Scuse me, coming through, beg your pardon" said a muffled voice from behind her.

She turned just in time to nearly be run over by a pair of heavy looking grocery bags. Ducking out of the way just in the nick of time she caught a glance of the face behind the bags and nearly tripped.

"Daphne?"

"Yes" the blonde woman replied stopping despite the apparently heavy load.

"Daphne Greengrass" it was impossible, the day just kept getting weirder and weirder.

"Uhhh, maybe" she hedged, shifting her bags around so she could actually get a look at who she was talking too.

When she did at last it didn't take but a moment for her to put a name to the face.

"Granger, what the devil are you doing here?"

"Me, what are you doing here?" Hermione shot back.

"Grocery run" she said hefting her bags.

"Hogwarts letter" she said flashing the still unopened envelope.

This bit of news seemed to calm Daphne, "Oh right, we were wondering when that'd come."

Losing interest Daphne resituated her cargo and headed into the garage. Hermione however had had quite enough being left outside and followed her old classmate in.

Having grown up muggle for many years she had seen the inside of a car garage before. The one she walked into held only a slight resemblance to the ones she had seen. Her father had always taken his auto to a local fellow he trusted who owned a small garage that never seemed to be clean. He called it an organized mess, though she'd never understood how all the oil splatters on the floor could be considered organized though she certainly understood the mess part.

Harry's garage was much larger and infinitely cleaner. No random oil splotches on the floor, no dirty tools or broken parts just lying around, and of course there were the cars. Her father had driven a classic auto, her mother a family oriented one. The cars sitting in Harry's garage were neither classic nor family. She had never seen such machines though clearly they must be new given the sheen every one seemed to have.

Following Daphne through the garage she spotted a small butt sticking out of one of the hood, immediately assuming it to be Sprocket and thinking, what the devil are they letting a little girl work on cars for? Are they mad? But Daphne had disappeared into a different room so Hermione had no time to stop and voice her thoughts.

Once she caught up she saw that her unknowing tour guide was already stowing her cargo in an old fashioned looking refrigerator.

"Daphne."

"What, Granger, Sprockets out there" she said waving dismissively.

"I already talked to her she said no."

"Well then there you are, have a nice day."

"She wasn't the only one I talked to."

Daphne stopped, "You saw Harry then I take it."

"Yes I did" she said with a sour expression, "would you mind explaining to me just what he is doing working in a garage."

"He doesn't just work in the garage, he owns it" Daphne corrected.

"Wha… owns it. Why on earth would Harry Potter own a garage for? How did that happen and for that matter what the hell has he been doing the past ten years? Where did he get a little girl, is she his? And what the hell are you doing here. Has the entire world been turned upside down and someone forgot to tell me" she was practically manic by the time she finished.

"If I say yes will you go away?"

"NO!" she screamed.

Daphne rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated sigh, "First of all, no, Sprocket is not his child. What he's been doing for the past ten years and how he came to own the garage I don't know, I only ran into him about three years ago. As for what I'm doing here, that's really none of your damn business."

Hermione seemed ready to retort but Daphne didn't give her the chance.

"Save your self-righteous prattle for someone that cares Granger, I don't need to hear it."

Hermione scowled at the blonde before her. It was the same scowl she used on students who lied to her. It had yet to fail in yielding a confession. The way Daphne raised an eyebrow as if to say 'you don't really expect that to work' meant her perfect record was about to be tarnished.

"Hey Daphne your back" the duel was interrupted as Harry came in, still shirtless.

"Yes" she said frostily.

Harry looked dumbfounded at her tone until he noticed the other woman in the room.

"Hermione, what're you still doing here?"

It really wasn't the best question to ask at that point.

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here, what is she doing here, why is there a little girl working on a car in your garage?"

Harry discretely leaned away from his apparently unhinged friend as he considered his answer very carefully.

"I'm here because I own the garage, Daphne's here because she has food and Sprocket is working on the car because it's her customer. Was that all of them?"

"Harry!"

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting a quiz" he said sheepishly.

"I believe what Miss Granger really means is why you are living here like a filthy muggle and not out amongst proper magical society" stated Daphne icily.

"Not exactly how I would have put it" said Hermione, still scowling at the other woman in the room.

The sudden roar of an engine shook the room. The sudden cacophony startled Hermione, had Daphne examining her ears with her finger and Harry had a look of absolute euphoria.

"There is no sound more pleasing to the ear" he stated, "even Phoenix song pales in comparison."

Hermione looked at her friend as if he'd gone mad, "that noise?"

Harry just shook his head, "it may be noise to you, but its sweet sweet music to me." He said, "You see Hermione, this is why I own a garage. I love cars, and not just cars, fast cars. There's nothing I enjoy more than shooting down the road listening to the roar of the engine grow louder and louder as I go faster and faster. I love that more than I ever loved flying."

"I hate flying" Hermione groused.

"Then you'd hate driving with Harry" said Daphne.

"Alright fine so you like cars, but why did you leave? You could have had your hobby and still been a part of magical society." She said, not quite passing the border into pleading.

"First of all, this is not a hobby Hermione, it is a passion" he said rather vehemently, "second, after all we went through, after everything we did, magic just didn't seem magical anymore. I needed something else."

"But did you just leave? Why didn't you tell me?" now she was pleading.

"Because you would have stopped me" he said simply, "If I'd told you, you would have told Ron and then everybody would have known."

"But… I" she tried but simply couldn't think of what to say, "I don't understand."

"I'm sorry Hermione" he said, "but this is my life, and this is how I choose to live it."

She didn't know what to say. What could she say? She looked at her friend, then looked at the other woman and scowled.

"I have to go" she said.

And, with the original purpose of her visit completely vanished from her mind she left.

"Well, that could have gone better" mused Harry.

"Maybe, but I'm actually more worried about what happens when word gets back to my family about where I've been hiding" said Daphne, before turning an innocent doe eyed face to Harry, "You'll protect me, won't you?"

Harry looked away, "what's in it for me?"

Daphne's sweet and innocent ploy changed to hot and sultry in and instant, "Oh I think you know" she said, reaching a practiced hand down his pants.

"I might" he admitted, poorly hiding his grin, "Still, I think you'd better show me, just so I know for sure."


	6. 05 The Knight in the Wood

Knight in the Wood

It was highly irregular to deliver a Hogwarts letter to a magical child with magical parents. Obviously there was no need for a child raised with magic to have the existence of magic explained to them. Some might then wonder why Deputy Headmistress Hermione Granger was delivering this particular letter.

The reasons were quite simple really. The letter was addressed to a Jasmine Artemis Potter, The flower room, The Knight in the Wood.

It had been fifteen years since Harry Potter had defeated Voldemort, and thirteen since anyone she knew had been in contact with him. Obviously he'd been up to something in that time, the sort of something that made children. And while she was eager to see her old friend again, she was also rather curios about the 'Knight in the Wood' as well.

The 'wood' part became quickly evident as she walked down the path surrounded on all sides by towering trees. There had been an interesting muggle diverter at the head of the path, placed upon two statue's, each shaped like a very familiar looking dog sitting watch.

She was fairly sure Sirius had never stood watch like that in his life but smiled at the sight.

The path was long and not terribly uniform. The width of it seemed to go in and out, in some places it seemed as if the trees were right at her shoulders and at others you could drive a pair autos side by side with room to spare. It was at one of these wider points that she came upon another pair of statues. A pair of life sized stag's stood facing each other, heads raised proudly as though they were much too good to go simply charging like common deer.

The sight of these erased any doubt in her mind that she would find Harry at the end of this road. She nodded to the two sentries and carried on, hoping the house wasn't too much farther.

Sadly she was not so fortunate, and her feet were sore and aching when she came upon a third set of statues. It took only a moment to determine their symbolism, the wolves howling at the moon. And so it was complete, she thought, the marauders guard the way. How fitting.

Bolstered by the statues presence she proceeded past the statue. As soon as she did the air before her rippled and the path that had been before her vanished. Hermione froze in her tracks.

There was no doubting she had at last arrived at the Knight in the Wood. The house, which she assumed is what it was, was shaped like the chess piece its name suggested. Leading from the door was a small stone path that extended out past the well-kept flower beds on either side. Amidst the flower beds stood various bird houses, baths and feeders, and at the very end of the path were two pawns which seemed to serve as lamp holders, judging by the look of them.

"Now all we need is Luna and her house and we can play the world's biggest game of chess" she quipped to herself.

"We tried that once actually."

Hermione nearly jumped out of her skin. Standing right beside her was a woman she barely recognized as Luna Lovegood. It was the fact that she had gotten within inches of her without making the slightest sound that had poor Hermione's heart trying to leap out her chest.

"Luna!" she exclaimed.

"Hermione" said Luna, looking at her with those big silvery eyes of hers.

Of course the eyes were all too familiar and they weren't what Hermione was looking at. The last time she had seen Luna Lovegood she had still been a skinny little thing just starting to come into her curves. Before her stood a grown woman with an enviously trim figure and the sort of wide hips and full breasts that made men drool, all of which was poorly hidden beneath a white tank top and long brown skirt.

"You know if you keep checking me out like that I'll have to set my husband on you" said Luna.

"Wha…" said Hermione before the words had really penetrated, "Oh, sorry bout that" she said, blushing.

"Oh that's alright, I wouldn't really set my husband on you" she assured her old school acquaintance, "I'm fully capable of tying you down to the bed and spanking you myself."

Hermione gaped like a fish at this admittance.

"And I suppose after I was done I could probably let him have a go at you while I rested my arms."

At what point had Luna Lovegood gone from silly little eccentric to perverted deviant, thought Hermione, though her presence here and the mention of a husband did raise certain questions.

"Luna, you mentioned your husband."

"Did I?"

Hermione groaned, "You did."

"I did" agreed Luna.

Taking a deep breath, "So that would make you…" it was probably a mistake letting Luna fill in the blank.

"His wife" she said with a chipper smile.

"Yes, which would make you…" prodded Hermione, not sure why she wanted to hear it from Luna herself instead of just coming right out and asking.

"His tit carrier, todger sheath, personal love slave" offered Luna helpfully.

"Tit carrier?" Hermione interrupted.

"Well he keeps insisting they belong to him" she said giving her jugs a bounce, "but I'm the one that has to carry them around when he's not using them."

She wished she hadn't asked, "Mrs. Potter" she finally said, trying not to growl.

"Yes."

"That would make you Mrs. Potter" Hermione clarified, or so she thought.

"What would make me Mrs. Potter?"

Hermione stared blankly, then without warning her had rose up and slapped her in the forehead. This was followed by an appropriately aggravated groan.

"Are you alright Hermione?"

"Fine, fine, just forgot what a 'pleasure' it is talking to you Luna" she said through gritted teeth.

"It's been nice talking to you too Hermione, even though I have no idea what you're doing here."

At last, thought Hermione, a topic she could handle.

"I believe there is a Jasmine Potter living here" said Hermione, pulling the official Hogwarts acceptance letter from her robes.

"You mean you're not sure?" queried Luna, tilting her head like a curious bird who'd discovered a peculiar worm.

"What, of course of I'm sure, why wouldn't I be sure" Hermione retorted.

"Well you said you believe, that implies you're not really sure and if you're not sure I have to wonder why you would think that a Jasmine Potter would live here of all places."

"I'm sure she lives here" said Hermione through gritted teeth, "in fact I'm absolutely positive."

"Only fools are positive" said Luna.

(Reroll earlier clip of hand to forehead, only angrier this time)

"If it helps any, she does live here" offered Luna.

Taking several deep calming breaths before speaking, "May I see her please?"

"No."

Repressing urge to repeat earlier hand to forehead, accomplished. Barely.

"Why, pray tell, can I not see her?"

"Because she's not here right now obviously" said Luna.

"Where is she then?" said Hermione, trying to repress a sudden twitch in her left eye.

"Out flying with her father" said Luna, "they should be back before too long if you'd like to come to the back yard we can wait for them there."

"Why don't we do that then" said Hermione, starting to calm and letting down her guard.

"I don't know" said Luna "is there some reason you think we shouldn't?"

Repressing urge to repeat earlier hand to forehead, failed. Miserably.

"No Luna" she replied.

"Well then, let's be off" said Luna, turning on her heel and setting a course around the house.

Hermione, reluctantly, followed the maddening woman. As they walked Hermione bot a better look at the scope of the gardens. They appeared to go half way around the house, creating a sort of fat C with the base of the knight serving as the inside curve. It was all quite expansive and the way each garden was separated from each other by lines of white rocks spoke of great care and dedication.

Harry must have done it, she thought.

"So, how is Harry?" she ventured.

"Who?" asked Luna?

"Harry, your husband" said Hermione, trying very hard to be patient with the deranged little lunatic.

"Oh him" she said while Hermione looked up to the heavens plaintively. "I'm sorry Hermione, we don't actually call each other by our given names that often. I feel a little silly forgetting it like that."

Several uncharitable thoughts on Luna's silliness ran through her mind but she chose to keep them to herself.

"Do you not talk to each other?"

"Oh no, we talk all the time" Luna assured, "we just don't call each other by our names is all."

"Well, what do you call each other?" asked Hermione foolishly.

"Mostly just pet names, you know, Darling, Honey, Sweetie, Cuddle bear, Sugar Tits, Big daddy, that hot blonde, sexy piece of ass, Velma and Daphne, Pedro'."

The more Luna spoke the more mortified Hermione became until that last one.

"Pedro'?"

Luna just grinned.

…

The morning sun shone brightly on the keep warming the sentry as he stood his post. He carried himself well, twas a great honor after all, not to mention the best seat in the house and the farthest away from the fighting when it got started so he was really quite happy.

And there he was, the great commander, come to inspire the troops before the battle began.

"Men, we stand upon the precipice of war. The enemy, filthy vermin that they are, seek to take this castle. Will we allow that?"

There was a roaring cry of descent in response.

"Of course we won't. Never say die, never surrender, that's our motto. Now I won't lie, some of you may die, but, it is a sacrifice I am willing to make."

The troops nodded with enthusiasm. Truly what great commander they thought.

"Oy you worthless tit, let us in" shouted a voice from beyond the wall.

"Kiss my great harry arse" the brave commander shouted back to the jubilant cries of his men.

"Maybe I will" came the reply followed directly after by the first giant stone and thus the battle was on.

…

Hermione watched, unsure exactly what to make of it.

"Are those garden gnomes?"

"Yes" said Luna.

"Are they wearing armor?"

"Yes" said Luna.

"Are those real weapons?"

"Yes" said Luna.

"Wha…" said Hermione.

It was true. There were roughly two hundred garden gnomes evenly divided between the two sides of the siege, each side appropriately attired and armed and appearing to be making their best effort in killing the opposing side. All the while two identical boys shouted orders and occasionally called out to one another with various insults using language she would normally be appalled to hear from her seventh year students, and these boys couldn't have been more than eight or nine.

"How can you let them do this?" demanded Hermione, "I mean I know their just garden gnomes but their still living creatures. And for that matter how did you get that many garden gnomes to go along with this?"

"In the order asked, very easily, yes they are living creatures, and training, lots of training" said Luna.

"But, why…" she started but was interrupted by a cry from the battle field.

"Hahaaa, the day is mine" crowed the boy defending the castle, "Your forces are decimated, admit defeat."

Looking around the invading general surveyed the carnage. Seeing all of his own men among the corpses he really had no choice.

"Alright Ares, you win."

This proclamation triggered something within the castle and a wave of light erupted from the keep. As soon as it passed each "dead" body got up, dusted itself off, and proceeded to line up in their respective groups.

Seeing her guest look of bewilderment Luna explained, "the weapons and armor are all enchanted. They stay 'dead' until one side wins then everyone comes back to life and begin preparing for the next one."

Hermione could only watch the process as each boy debriefed his army, pointing out positives and negatives of their performance and laying out a training schedule to improve on the negatives. She felt terribly foolish for believing that what was happening could have been real. As if Harry would actually allow his children to set mindless creatures to slaughtering each other for their entertainment.

"Boys, make sure you box up all the weapons and armor so you're farther can look them over before the next engagement" said Luna as the little gnomes began stowing their gear.

Hermione looked at Luna quizzically.

"Darling is the one that made the boys their toys" explained Luna.

Before Hermione could make an inquiry, a sudden wind came up and a massive shadow fell over the yard. The boys looked up unconcerned while their now naked troops ran about in circles screaming and panicking before rushing down a single large hole at the edge of the battle field.

"Dads home" said one of the boys as he stared up at the sky.

Hermione almost didn't hear him as she too had her gaze riveted on the massive thing blocking out the sun like a great dark cloud. As it descended into the yard the outline became more defined, taking on the shape of a bird. A very big bird she realized as the creature touched down. Within its talons it carried a massive wicker basket full of stones and as she looked she saw another, much smaller bird, sitting atop the stones.

"What is that" she exclaimed.

"A thunderbird" said Luna calmly.

Hermione wanted to deny it but she was too busy being further shocked when said thunderbird hopped off its perch and in mere moments had shrunken from massive avian to an all too familiar man with messy black hair and piercing green eyes. His sons obviously did not suffer from her stupefaction as they meandered up to their father.

"Hi Pop" said one.

"Those for us?" queried the other, gesturing to the basket of stones.

"Who else around here would use them?" said their father quirking a grin.

The boys rushed their sire and hugged him round the legs, which was all their height would allow, then dashed over to begin plundering the spoils. Seeing them approaching the little bird took wing and flew to Harry's waiting hand.

"Well, you weren't planning to stay like that all day were you" he inquired of the little bird.

It chirped and hopped around on his hand in response.

"No I will not change you back you are fully capable of doing it yourself" he said as though he understood.

The little bird flitted lazily to the ground and chirped again.

"That is a weak excuse at best" he reprimanded, "and you are better than that."

A tweet in response.

"No that does not mean you should think of a better one."

Giving a little birdy sigh of defeat the small creature began to grow, changing proportions as it grew in size. The process was far less fluid than the one she had just seen but there was no mistaking what was emerging was human, though of a much smaller variety. It took almost a full minute before the small bird had at last become a small girl.

"There, now was that so hard" said her father.

"No daddy" she replied trying not to smile at him but failing.

He chuckled, shook his head and kissed her forehead, "you just keep practicing, you'll get it" he encouraged.

"Darling" interrupted Luna.

"Yes Sweetie" he replied, looking up at his wife who merely pointed to their still stunned guest.

"Well well, as I live and breathe, Hermione Granger" he said pulling his daughter along as he approached the two women.

"What a surprise, we weren't expecting you" he paused for a moment and looked at his wife, "were we?"

Luna merely shook her head.

"Oh good. I'd have felt terrible if we were and I'd forgotten" he said.

Hermione tried to say something but was interrupted yet again.

"Daddy" squealed a high pitched voice which came barreling from the house and into her father's waiting arms.

"Buttercup, did you miss daddy?"

"Uhuh, lookit" she said holding up a piece of paper.

"Well now, that's very good" he said, "but I think the beak needs to be a touch smaller next time, but the pattern of the feathers is very nice."

The little girl took the critique well and beamed at the praise. Hermione made to speak again but was stopped as something pushed past her leg.

"Da da da da da" she chanted as she approached her father to be scooped up in his free arm.

"And how is my little Rose bud" he said.

The Rose bud just giggled and hid her face in her father's shoulder. Her father laughed and began walking toward the house with his three daughters in tow.

Calling over his shoulder, "you staying for lunch Hermione?" he enquired.

"Uh, well, I suppose" she stammered out.

"Smashing" he said.

…

Dinner with the Potters was an experience. The table had a similar crowded feel to it rather reminiscent of the Weasley's but much better organized and far more mannerly. Lunch had been a rather simple fair of sandwiches built ala assembly line. Everyone pitched in, even little Rose lent a hand putting pieces of cheese on bread she was handed.

The meal itself was full of a near constant stream of chatter. The way they all talked you'd think they hadn't seen each other in weeks. When it was over the boys disappeared outside talking about rebuilding a rampart and the youngest two decided to try and coax the gnomes out of their hole. The eldest, Jasmine moved to follow the youngest two but was stopped by her father.

"Just a second Jazzy, I believe our guest has something for you."

Not even giving a thought as to how Harry knew why she was there she pulled the letter from her robe and handed it the oldest Potter child.

Jasmine took the offered letter but made no move to open the thing, instead looking to her father.

"This is what I think it is?" she asked.

Her father nodded.

"Right then, if you would be so good as to carry my reply madam."

Hermione began to say it was unnecessary to send a reply until the girl reeled her arm back and pitched the letter like a shuriken, right into the hearth. The envelope quickly began the process of carbonization, rendering swiftly to ashes.

Hermione, not for the first time that day, was speechless.

"My response is simply this, I would not come within a hundred meters of that horrible place even if my life depended on it" she said bluntly, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go make sure my sisters haven't crawled into the gnome hole."

And with that she turned and walked out the back door.

"What the bloody hell" she exclaimed.

"Hermione, language" chastised Harry playfully.

Before she could tell him exactly what she thought about his language.

"Oh Darling, I had the boys set their things aside so you could check them over like you wanted."

Harry smiled at his wife, "You're a peach" he said standing from his seat.

"Does that mean you want to eat me out" she asked hopefully.

"Maybe later."

"Oh poo."

"Well it's been nice seeing you Hermione but duty calls" he said and with nothing more than a wave disappeared out the back door.

His departure was so abrupt it took her a moment to process it. In that moment Luna had started clearing the table and was halfway done when Hermione returned to her senses.

"What did you tell her" she demanded.

"Who?" asked Luna, not even bothering to look up from her work.

"Your daughter, what did you tell her about Hogwarts?"

"The same thing we tell all our children" she said, "The truth."

"Truth, what sort of truth would have her saying something so awful and rude" demanded Hermione.

"I'm surprised you have to ask" said Luna, "You were there through most of it."

"That was different, I was a muggle born, there was a war going on" she insisted.

Luna scoffed, "and you think being a muggle born you were the only one who had a hard time of it, or that things were only really bad because of a war? Truly Hermione you are blind."

Hermione, obviously, took offense at that but Luna never gave her the chance to retort.

"The simple fact is Hermione, if my mother hadn't died when she did, I never would have gone to that horrible school and I have no intention of sending my children there to be mocked and ridiculed just because they don't conform to the narrow minded ideals of small thinkers."

"Just because Ravenclaw was mean to you doesn't mean the others houses were like that" she insisted heatedly.

"Oh really, and just how many times did that entire school turn on Harry without even the slightest justification? How many times was he hurt because the teachers couldn't protect him? How many times was he nearly killed because those in charge left him out to hang?"

The passion in the married woman's voice brought her up short and she left the Knight in the wood with the parting words of , "Do try not to pick up any strange rats on your way out" ringing in her ears.


	7. 06 Welcome to the Jungle

Welcome to the Jungle

The sun was beginning to dip in the sky when they appeared. He had been laying out in the sun for a time just listening to ocean rise and fall, the sand soft and pliant beneath his back. The weight on his arm had lifted and wandered off some time earlier but he had remained, communing with nature a bit longer. Arguably it had been a mistake.

The crack of their apparition was like a thunder clap and he slowly opened his eyes to see ten wands all pointed at him. He looked at the assembled faces, pausing for a moment on the cute female in the group before coming to rest on one he recognized all too well.

"Hello Ron" he greeted nonchalantly.

"Harry, don't make this harder than it has to be" his wand not wavering on his target.

Harry smirked, "Really Ron there is a lady present, you really think you ought to be talking about me getting hard while I'm lying here all naked."

The aforementioned lady blushed but was professional enough not to look away. Ron just scowled.

"Don't play games Potter, you're coming with us" he growled, doing a poor impression of Mad-eye Moody.

Harry considered his reply for a moment, snickered to himself and decided, "Nah, too easy."

Ron didn't have the slightest idea what he meant but apparently someone did as her aggravation overcame her professionalism and she slapped herself in the forehead in an effort to clear the nasty thought.

"My my, you must have a very dirty mind" said Harry, turning a lecherous grin at the only female auror present.

"Oh shut up you" she snapped, which only made him grin.

"Alright, enough of this, stand up, hands where we can see em" commanded another of the aurors.

"Hmmm, No" he said, and before any of them could react he sank into the sand out of sight.

"Dammit" cursed Ron, "How'd he do that without a wand."

"Maybe he used his other wand" quipped one of the aurors.

"Oh shut up Johnson" snapped Ron.

"Johnson is exactly what we were talking about" snarked another which set the rest of them to snickering.

"If you little boys are through making dick jokes" said the lady, hands on hips with a disapproving stare.

"Indeed, no more dick jokes show a little class would you."

As one the aurors turned and saw their quarry standing on the edge of the forest not twenty meters away.

"Stop" one of them shouted.

Harry just smirked at them, "Go" he said before prancing away into the wood.

"After him" commanded Ron.

Stumbling about in the soft shifting sands they did as ordered albeit a bit slowly which meant that by the time they made it to the edge of the forest he was nowhere in sight.

"Blast it."

They looked about frantically hoping to find some clue but there was nothing to be found.

"Run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man" he sang, though still out of sight the aurors went charging into the wood in the general direction of the song.

For the various birds watching it was a laughable little sketch as nine grown men and one woman in heavy maroon robes went tearing through the thick wet vegetation following some crazy fool singing nursery rhymes.

Eventually they stumbled into a clearing, that being a place where the vegetation wasn't so thick it seemed to be trying to drag them to the ground and at last spotted him.

"DON'T… Move…potter" gasped Auror Ron as he fought to catch his breath.

Harry just snickered a bit then began laughing outright as the assembled aurors struggled to catch their breath after their little jaunt.

"You lot are so pathetic" he said between cackles.

One of the aurors stood up straight looking to say something but then immediately doubled over again and began puking.

Harry just shook his head.

"Well, now that were all here, let's talk aye" said Harry jovially.

"There's nothing to talk about, you're coming with us" declared Ron, once again pointing his wand at his onetime best mate.

"And why is that?" he queried, "Why is it after all these years the ministry is sending its loyal dogs out to retrieve little old me?"

Of course he didn't expect an answer and his audience did not appear eager to provide so he filled in the blanks himself.

"I think, you're here because you've got another dark thingy going bump in the night back home and the highly officious ministry has decided you bunch of tossers aren't up to handling it so they send you out to find little old Harry Potter, registered buster of boogey men and dark thingy slayer extraordinaire" he finished with flare giving a highly exaggerated bow.

The aurors scowled at him but didn't refute.

"So you'll come then" said the female auror, just a hint of hope cracking her angry façade.

"No."

Had they been Japanese there would likely have been a massive face fault following that, but being British, they were much too naturally stoic for such nonsense.

"I washed my hands of silly things like ministries, society's, and just civilization in general years ago. I certainly have no intention of going back and more to the immediate point, there's not one of you here that can make me" he said looking mighty smug.

"Think so" sneered Ron, "Well I count ten of us and only one of you, now, you gonna come quietly or are we gonna have to rough you up a bit first?"

Harry just shook his head, "Clearly there's no reasoning with them, don't you agree Harry" he said looking to left.

"One track mind Harry, like a dog with a bone" agreed the other Harry who was holding back a rather bendy looking branch.

Breath now caught and seeing double, the aurors didn't know how to react to the sudden appearance of a second Harry Potter.

"Don't be fooled, it's just an illusion" deduced the female auror.

"Think so sugar tits" said Harry number two releasing the branch and firing off its cargo.

The projectile came to fast to block or throw up a shield and impacted her right square in the chest, exploding into a syrupy green slime that covered her from head to toe.

"Ooo, nice one Harry."

"Why thank you Harry."

"Fucking bastard" said the angry dripping female.

Sensing the likely coming of violence in their direction the two Harry's made a split second decision.

"TTFN" said one.

"Ta Ta For Now" said two.

And with no further warning they took off in different directions, leaving the aurors fuming impotently.

"Whu do we do" asked Johnson.

"You four come with me" ordered Ron, "The rest of you go after the other one."

"That hardly seems like a good idea" said the angry sticky woman.

"We have magic, he doesn't, sooner or later he'll slip up and when he does, we nail his ass."

She would have debated the likelihood of that happening before he got the rest of them but Weasley was the senior auror on this particular mission so she really had little choice but to follow his orders, even if she was wet, sticky, and mad.

Ron and his team followed after Harry one which proved to be much easier than expected. He was clearly making no effort to hide his tracks and was following what looked to be a preexisting trail. Of course trail was a bit generous a name, what it really was in fact was a break in the green, some dirt but mostly mud or standing water.

"I swear when I get hold of that bastard I'm gonna choke him till he turns blue" grumbled Ron.

"Whatever floats your boat Weasley" muttered one of the other aurors.

Ron turned around to ask him just what the hell he meant by that but made the mistake of stepping into what looked like a shallow puddle. Come to find out it was not as his leg sank into the viscous mud up to mid-thigh.

"Great Bloody 'ell" he exclaimed, losing his wand in the undergrowth as he fumbled about in his incredibly awkward position.

"Really put your foot in it this time Weasley" snarked one of the aurors which made the others chuckle.

"Oh shut your gob Richardson and help me out."

Moving forward everyone watched as the two men struggled to pull the ginger auror from the mud. It took a good five minutes of pulling and yanking and the language used during the exertion would have made any sailor proud to hear and have every mother reaching for the nearest bar of soap.

At last, with one final mighty heave it was accomplished and both Weasley and Richardson went crashing into the undergrowth, but thankfully not back into the mud.

"Uugh, stupid jungle, stupid mud, stupid Potter" grumbled Ron, "well come on, we've wasted enough time."

Crawling to his feet he looked about for his companions only to find them gone. There was Richardson of course right next to him but the other three were gone.

"Now where did those idiots wander off to?" he asked sourly, not like things weren't already going bad enough.

"Travers! Jones! Wood!" Richardson called, but no answer came.

"Bloody Hell, he must a gotten them" declared Ron, looking about nervously.

"Who got them?" asked Richardson dumbly.

"Potter you idiot who else. He got Travers, Jones, and Wood. Good god Man, Potters got Wood."

"I do not and how dare you imply such a thing, dirty boy."

The two aurors spun around to see the man in question leaning casually against a tree.

"You" screamed Ron.

"Me" agreed Harry who nimble dodged the sizzling pink spell thrown at him before dashing off again cackling madly.

Meanwhile…

Weasley and Richardson weren't the only ones having their trouble as Johnson and his team had lost what little trail there was. They did however find something else.

"A river, finally" exclaimed the filthy female auror.

"You really think you can wash that gunk off with water Weaver?" said Johnson.

"Won't know unless I try" she insisted and plunged in headfirst.

"You know if you're going to wash you really ought to take off your cloths."

"In your dreams Fletcher" she made a point to scowl at said Fletcher.

"Definitely in mine" said the other auror.

"Drop dead Hobbs."

Johnson snickered at the less than playful banter, "What about you Bowman anything to add?"

Silence was his only answer and when he turned to look he found that his fifth man had vanished. Before he had a chance to start panicking about that however there was a cry of distress from the river.

"Hey, what the hell is happening to my robes" exclaimed Weaver as she made a futile effort to hang on to her dissolving cloths.

"Craziest things you find in the Jungle" said an echoing voice.

The aurors spun around and around looking for the source of the voice. Weaver looked about franticly then turned around and froze.

"Hello baby."

She shrieked in surprise and fell fully into the water, losing sight of him in the process though it hardly mattered as her remaining teammates could still see him and fired off spell after spell in an attempt to stun, bind, and otherwise immobilize him. This would have been all well and good if they had actually hit him.

Sadly they seemed to suffer from storm trooper syndrome and kept missing even as he dodged about rather lazily before simply vanishing beneath the water's surface.

"Fletcher, grab Weaver and get her out of there, we can't lose him now."

Even as Fletcher moved to obey his commander, the unlikely duo of Weasley and Richardson were chasing after their own Harry Potter.

It was clear to anyone watching that he was playing with them as he remained just out of range, giving them the occasional glance before disappearing again. Ron being of a rather temperamental nature to begin with was practically frothing at the mouth. Of course that made it harder to breathe which was why Richardson was actually a few paces ahead of him and why when Richardson ran head first into the giant spider web, clever old Ron Weasley was just barely able to stop himself in time.

Of course as his partner struggled and called for him to help, a creeping, horrible thought occurred to him. Where there was a spider web, there was usually a spider, and a web that big would mean.

He momentarily lost control of his bowels when he heard the horrible hissing clicking sound he remembered all too well from when he was twelve. Creeping down from the trees was one of the biggest spiders he'd ever seen. Now some might assume having survived Aragog and his brood, one giant spider wouldn't be enough to frighten him anymore.

Of course they would have to realize that regular sized spiders still scared him so seeing one of the giant varieties he did the only thing he could do. With the loudest most girlish scream he could muster he ran as fast as he could away from the nightmare inducing abomination, leaving the last man on his team without a second thought.

At that same moment, Johnson and Weaver were having their own problems. Fletcher and Hobbs had been the first across the river and after Potter and had been nowhere to be found once Johnson and Weaver made it across. The only sign had been a spot where there tracks simply stopped and potters kept going.

With no way to track their missing comrades and night time quickly closing in on them they pressed on, praying their fallen mates would forgive them.

Johnson was in the lead, holding his wand up like a torch leading the way while Weaver followed behind, clutching one of Johnsons spare wands as hers had all vanished along with all of her clothing.

The slime, she realized had been some kind of specialized solvent as it had done nothing to her hair or her skin but perfectly dissolved everything she had been wearing from her auror robes to her cotton panties. Of course, there was more to it than that and every step she took she became more and more aware of it. Something in the slime had also made her skin hypersensitive.

Everything she touched she felt more acutely than she had ever felt before. Smooth big leaves caressed her thighs like silt while others with fuzzy little hairs on them caressed her as she walked by sending chills down her spine and into places she'd really rather not think about. Her libido was rising quickly and she was finding it harder and harder to so much as think let alone walk a straight line.

Johnson didn't notice and came to a halt when the tracks just disappeared.

"Blast, where did he go."

His exclamation yielded no answers and Weaver didn't even hear him as every ounce of her will was being used to hold back the waves of pleasure coursing through her body. She let out a small whimper which he must have heard since he turned and took a step towards her which was a terrible mistake.

The rope caught his foot and pulled before he could even register its presence and poor old Johnson disappeared into the night, leaving Weaver all alone, if only for a moment.

"My my, what is this" said a voice.

"A poor little babe lost in the woods, oh what a terrible shame."

Weavers will wavered, the voice sounded so nice, so soothing, what was she supposed to be doing again? All thought processes stopped however when she felt his hands stroke her arms. The wand she'd been holding fell from her fingertips and she arched her neck as burning lips placed butterfly kisses from her ear to her collarbone.

"Don't worry baby, daddy's going to take good care of you."

It was hours after dark when Ron Weasley finally reached the tree line. By this point he had lost his wand, his spare wand, his backup wand, his backup, and his dignity, what little there had been to begin with. He was dirty, smelly, wet, cold, and ready to just lie down and cry for his mommy.

But it was alright now, he was out. No more evil mud holes or giant spiders to get him out here on the sand he thought happily, taking a good look around him as he thought this. It wasn't the same beach he'd arrived on, the body of water wasn't big enough, and he could see the other side. He must be in the middle of the island he supposed.

As he continued to look around, he spotted a light, the man made variety. Thinking in the way that Ron Weasley thinks his first thought was, I wonder if they have any food.

Trudging down the beach, he was able to make out a single person sitting against a log, facing the fire. So glad to finally see another person after hours of stumbling around in the jungle it never occurred to him who that person probably was.

"Hey! Hey, excuse me, can you help me?" he shouted as he drew near.

"At this point I really think you're beyond help Ron."

The voice froze him in his tracks. No, it just couldn't be.

"Harry" his voice quavered.

"You were expecting someone else" said Harry, glancing over his shoulder briefly.

"No. No. It can't be. Where are the others, Johnson, Wood, Travers, where are my men?" he demanded frantically.

"There right here."

He turned just in time to catch a rope with eight bits of wood tied to it, thrown by the second Harry.

"It can't be" he stammered, looking down at the bits of wood, each in the shape of a man, "What did you do to them? Why's there only eight?"

In response to the second question, the first Harry reached down in front of him and pulled up a brunette head, attached to a very nice and very naked body.

"Weaver!" exclaimed Ron, seeing his naked subordinate tongue wrestling with the man they'd been sent to retrieve.

"Poor little thing was so pent up we just couldn't leave her like that" said the second Harry, as the first one's mouth was a bit busy, "Don't worry, we'll send her back when we're done. Maybe."

Ron sputtered and stuttered and tried to say something but never got the chance and he just had enough time to register the tug behind his navel before the portkey whisked him away.

"Uuh, Finally" said Harry number two.

In a rippling of light, Harry number two vanished, leaving behind a very curvaceous, very naked, and very blonde woman.

"Now then, where were we" she said looking down at her equally naked compatriots, "Oh that's right, TLC."

Harry, the real Harry chuckled.

"I do love jungle rules."


	8. 07 The Man on the Moon

The Man on the Moon

Everyone has family, this is the plain simple truth. Whether it is simply by fate of birth or their own construction, everyone has family, even if they aren't keen to admit it. In many cases, when the family is large enough, there are usually uncles, and that being the case there is a better than fifty percent chance that one of them might be a little odd. Or of course in some cases far more than a 'little' odd.

For Molly Weasley, a woman who knew a thing or two about family, she was a grandmother, which in her mind was the highest calling any woman could ever hope to answer, except perhaps great grandmother. And as she looked out at her table one afternoon in summer as her family was trickling in for lunch and she looked at all her grandbabies, she couldn't help but think on that one member of her family that was a little odd.

Now let it be said that many people thought the Weasleys in general were a bit odd what with their massive family, that one boy marrying a veela of all things and another off in Romania playing with dragons. Oddly it was the one Molly herself used to think a bit odd that was most well liked among her boys, being a successful businessman and all. But no, to Molly Weasley, her boys were just spirited, her daughter too though she rather wished she'd settle down a bit.

It was actually one of those that she'd adopted into the family that caused her concern, and not just because he was all grown up and still single. Harry Potter had been such a sweet boy and in her opinion had been forced to do things no child should ever have to do. What Dumbledore had been thinking she would never know but it wasn't proper to think ill of the dead so there was no point continuing down that road.

It wasn't that there was technically anything wrong with the boy, far from it whenever she saw him he was kind, polite, an absolute joy to be around. Her grandchildren simply adored their uncle Harry and he reciprocated that as often as he could. It was just when she didn't see him that she worried as that was typically when no one else saw him either.

When Harry wasn't spending time with the Weasleys he was locked up in Grimmauld place, that awful house that was once the seat of power for one of the darkest family's to ever live. By virtue of his grandmother the house and title of Lord Black had fallen to Harry though he had never claimed the title to her knowledge, he had claimed the house and for whatever reason, decided to live there.

She had of course tried to talk him into living somewhere else but the conversations had never gone as she'd wanted. She never really could understand how he could so easily divert her from her intended topic but he always did, and she never seemed to notice until later, usually after he'd gone. She would be upset but he always said such nice things and whatever it was he was doing in there clearly wasn't hurting anyone so she'd always let it be, at least till the next time she saw him.

Hermione Weasley however was a bit more persistent on the matter, her concerns a bit less altruistic than her mother in laws. While Harry was locked away in Black Manor doing Merlin knows what he could have been out in the world, using his fame and power to help change the world for the better. She had tried to talk to the other members of her family on this topic but with little success.

Ron simply didn't care and usually got mad when she started talking about Harry. Bill didn't really have an opinion on the matter which was made up for by his wife Fleur who had a very strong opinion, that being if Harry was happy and no one was being hurt he could do whatever he wanted. Talking to George and Angelina had been challenging what with Harry being the silent partner in George's business and Angelina being one of the unofficial big sisters, they usually told her not to worry about it.

She couldn't of course, she knew Harry better than anyone and the one thing she knew best about Harry was that when he was alone, he was getting into trouble. It was like a rule of the universe. Of course that lovely summer afternoon while Harry was entertaining all his nieces and nephews with illusions and tricks had probably not been the best time to bring it up again.

"Oh not this again" Ron had groused.

"We ave said all we vish to say on the matter" Fleur had stated crossly.

"I really don't see what all the fuss is about" had been Charlie's take on the matter.

"I really don't see how it's any of our business" said Angelina, also rather sick of hearing about it.

"We're his family, the only family he'll claim at any rate, that makes it our business" Hermione had insisted, a bit too vehemently.

"Just because we're family doesn't mean we have a right to pry into his personal life" said Fleur, "If he does not wish to tell us we should respect his privacy".

"So you're not the least bit curious as to what he might be up to?" Hermione said, looking around at her assembled family, "You don't care that he's wasting his time and talents doing nothing when he could be out an about changing the world for the better."

"Didn't he already do that" said George who sat calmly leaning against his wife, "you know, slew the great evil, made the world safe for fun and frivolity again?"

"Oh honestly is that all you think about" Hermione shot back caustically.

"That is my business" he said, choosing to ignore her tone.

"I think we're all missing the big point here and that point is, is Harry happy" said Molly, finally putting in her two cents. "While I admit it don't like that he lives all by himself in that awful old house and I really wish we would see him more often and I would certainly have no objection in him taking a more prominent place in the community. But if he is happy and safe where he is then I see no reason he should have to change that, I for one am content to spend as much time with him when he is around as possible and simply look forward to his next visit."

Hermione was shocked. Of all the people she had thought to be on her side she was certain Molly would be one of them.

"Well…"

"Oh give it up already" said Ron sourly, "he's perfectly fine, leave im alone."

Like hell she would. If no one else would help her, she'd simply have to take matters into her own hands.

A series of bangs and a sparkling rainbow in the sky drew attention and applause from the entire extended Weasley family. The children were especially energetic even the older ones who themselves could perform magic were clapping and cheering like it was the greatest show on earth. Of course as far as any of them were concerned it was.

"Harry, might I have a word" said Hermione, strolling through the crowd to her friend.

He appeared to be thinking about it before declaring, "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

"Wha…" she said.

"You asked for a word, so I gave you one and a fine one as well" he said with a grin.

Hermione scowled at his childishness and grabbed him by the arm, "come with me" she said, dragging him along.

"Don't worry Ron, I'll bring her back unspoiled, promise" Harry called back over his shoulder.

"We are not going to have sex" said Hermione crossly as she briskly marched them away from the assembled Weasleys.

"Of course not, I promised Ron, your wicked wiles won't work woman" said Harry most eloquently.

Hermione only groaned at his prose. Honestly when did sweet lovable Harry become so irritating. Deciding they were far enough away she released her friend and turned to face him.

"I want to know" she said.

"I want to yes, I suppose we meet in the middle and agree to maybe."

The stupid wordplay was just one of the many ways he distracted the others. She wasn't about to fall for it though.

"I want to know what you're doing in Grimmauld Place" she said sternly.

"Um, living" he said confused.

"That's not what I meant" she said stamping her foot, her patience already run thin.

"We'll you're being awfully vague, it's really not my fault I can't give you a better answer" he insisted.

Taking a deep calming breath she stared hard, pinning him with her eyes before speaking in a very calculated voice.

"Harry, what are you doing when you're not here with us, what do you do in you free time when everyone else isn't around, when you're all by yourself in Grimmauld Place?"

Harry considered his answer for a moment before deciding on "Magic."

When he said nothing else Hermione began to fume, then sputter, then gesticulate wildly while screaming incoherently, her temper finally reaching its point.

"Ron, I think I broke your wife" shouted Harry which was probably a mistake as it refocused her attention on him.

"You, infuriating git, here I am trying to help you and you, you, graaahh" she screamed.

Harry gave her an odd look and shook his head. Hermione probably would have gone on longer but Harry was saved by the timely appearance of his favorite niece.

"Uncle Harry" she cried.

"Dani" he replied, squatting down and catching the smiling child in his arms.

"Uncle Harry lookit what I found" said the five year old daughter of Bill and Fleur, holding up a small wild daisy.

"Well now that is lovely" said Harry enthusiastically.

"Will you put it in my hair uncle Harry?" she asked.

"Oh I'll do ya one better love" he said, taking the flower in his hands and then blowing on it.

The flower went flying onto her head, multiplying by five, each flower weaving itself into her hair like they belonged there.

The little girl squealed and hugged her uncle round the neck. Harry stood up carrying his niece and began the walk back to the rest of the family, leaving Hermione fuming where she was.

So that's how he wants to play it then, fine Harry, I'll find out what you're up to whether you like it or not.

…

It was three weeks later when she performed her incursion. It didn't take long to locate the secret hole through the wards that Sirius had once used to escape without his parents knowledge. Obviously Harry hadn't changed the wards since he'd started living there.

The back door through the kitchen was closed but not locked. A little oil on the hinges and she was in without a sound. She began her search on the first floor but found nothing but dust bunnies and cobwebs. The place had only gotten worse since she'd been there last.

Next she tried the basement and apart from a strange slime on the wall that she felt was watching her there was nothing out of the ordinary, at least, ordinary for a dungeon in the basement.

That just left the upstairs. It took much longer than the other two floors as she had to scour every bedroom making a stop in the library between each one, just in case he happened to have gone in there when she wasn't looking of course, but by the end she still hadn't found him.

Exasperated she plopped down in a chair, in the library of course, facing a wall of bookcases. As she looked at the bookcase in front of her she became further annoyed because the case was sticking out at an odd angle. Shaking her head she got up and made to push the case properly into place. To her surprise however it move flush with the others easily, but then swung back out even further than before.

The light bulb went on in Hermione's brain and she took hold of the edge of the case and swung it wide. Behind the faux bookcase was an ornate doorway, edged in symbols and runes she didn't recognize and of such variety and complexity she wasn't sure she ever could. At the top of the door at the center of the arch was a crescent moon. She had no idea what the symbol meant but this was a room she hadn't checked and so, rather like a girl writing in a diary that writes back, she opened the door, and was unexpectedly sucked through, the door slamming shut behind her.

…

Hermione landed hard on the ground and rolled down a hill, stopping at the base face down.

Grumbling with exasperation she pulled her face from the grass and spat out a clod of dirt.

"Well, that was not one of my better ideas" she said.

"Of that we can be sure."

Hermione was able to look up just far enough to make out her friends face. He did not look happy.

"Ello Harry" she said, faking a smile.

Harry wasn't faking anything with his very neutral expression, "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here given your usual level of persistence. Doesn't stop it from being annoying though."

"Well if you weren't going to tell me" said sitting up and dusting herself off.

"You'd just break into my house, skulk around and find out anyway" he finished for her.

"Not exactly how I'd put it" she said, very pointedly not looking at him.

"I'll bet."

"So, where is here anyway, some hidden room we didn't know about?"

"Look up" was his only reply.

Giving her friend a quizzical look she did as bade, and almost immediately wished she hadn't. Directly above her head where the moon might be at night was the Earth. She gaped, what else could she do as her brain tried to justify what she was seeing.

"But that's impossible, I mean if that's the Earth then we'd have to be on…"

"The Moon" said Harry.

She was dumbfounded. It was impossible, it had to be. No magic she knew of could have gotten them here and the moon certainly didn't have any grass, or air for that matter. It had to be a trick.

A sudden motion caught her eye and her head jerked. The sudden motion sent the little head ducking back under cover.

"What is that" demanded Hermione with a hint of panic in her voice.

"Not what, who Hermione" he corrected.

As she watched, the little head poked up again and she got her first good look at whatever it was. She could tell instantly that it wasn't human, the ears were too long and pointed at the ends, the eyes a little too big and the features a little too fine. It was certainly humanish, and a child judging by the size of it.

The little thing gave a tentative smile and wave. Hermione, still in shock, only managed a startled squeak. This once again startled the little creature and this time it leapt up and took off running.

"Wha… what was that, it wasn't human".

"While that is mostly true it does sound terribly rude to say it that way" Harry chastised.

"Harry" Hermione moaned.

"Oh do relax she isn't going to hurt you, none of them will. It's completely counterintuitive to their natures to harm any living thing."

One part of that statement stuck out in her mind, "They? There are more of them?"

"Well of course there are more it would have been silly to just make one" he said, as though the notion were simply laughable.

At this point most people would have been broken down and sobbing. Hermione however reacted a bit differently when her brain reached overload.

"Alright you" she growled, grabbing hold of him by his shirt, "You are going to tell me where we really are, what that thing was, and just what the bloody buggering hell is going on here?"

"Language Hermione."

SLAP!

"Answers! Now!" she repeated.

"Was that really necessary?" said Harry rubbing his stinging cheek.

Her glare told him it would be foolish to press the issue so wisely he didn't.

"To start off with, we are exactly where you think we are the moon of Earth, or Luna prime as I like to call it."

"That's impossible" she said.

"Why, because you think it should be" he said disdainfully, "Then you're really going hate the rest of what I have to tell you."

He began walking and with no other option, Hermione followed.

"But if we're really on the moon, how come the muggles haven't spotted you?"

"Magic obviously" he replied, only expanding on his answer when she looked ready to slap him again, "Once the atmospheric wards were set up it wasn't all that hard to create an illusion that made it look exactly as it should to anyone on the outside looking in. And of course no one has actually set foot on the moon in decades so I didn't really have to worry about that."

"Alright, supposing I believe that we are in fact on the moon" she said, her tone making it clear she believed no such thing, "then what was that thing that startled me?"

"First off, I think it was you that startled her. Secondly, please stop calling her a thing, it's very rude."

"Well then what should I call 'her'?" asked Hermione.

"She's a V" he said, "that's what I call them anyway. It's a roman numeral actually, it's short for series five, that being what they are, the fifth incarnation of my little project."

"What do you mean project? You can't mean to tell me you created them from scratch like some sort of golem."

"I wouldn't say from scratch exactly and they are certainly not golems. They are real living breathing thinking beings." He said with a certain amount of pride.

"But, how?" she said.

Her answer had to wait as they came upon a white stone statue that bore a striking resemblance to someone she knew.

"The statue of mother" said Harry, "like it?"

"Why?" was all she could think to say?

"Can you think of a woman more representative of mother than Molly Weasley?"

"I'm just, let's just go back a step here, what did you mean when you said living breathing thinking beings?" she said, trying to focus her mind through the bewildering situation she found herself in.

"What part of that did you find confusing exactly?" He asked.

She gave an exasperated growl but stopped short of slapping him again, "Just, where did they come from Harry?"

"Now that is the question isn't it" he said, and began walking again.

"Do you know how many people die each day Hermione?" he asked.

"No" she replied, hoping he wasn't getting off topic.

"Millions. The funny thing is the number is actually much higher when you count all the abortions that take place every day" he said, strangely smiling as he said it.

"And what does that have to do with anything?" she said testily.

"All those lives cut off before ever having a chance to live. Do you think that's right? Don't they deserve a chance?"

"What are you talking about?"

"It was easy really, all I had to do was stake out a few abortion clinics, watch how they did business, who went in how long they were there, what they did afterward. It took me all of a week to find a way to disguise myself as a doctor then use magic to speed along and simplify the procedure. You wouldn't believe how many repeat customers I had either, I guess it's just like Cindy Lauper said, girls just wanna have fun."

"So, you stole dead babies" she said, not bothering to hide her disgust.

"No Hermione I collected discarded fetuses, pay attention" he corrected, "after I had them of course I could continue the process that had already begun but better, with more control. I certainly didn't just want to make a baby, I mean anyone could do that, I wanted to make them better, make something better. And so I did, merging their DNA with other, non-human DNA."

"Why would you do that, why do any of this?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time" he said flippantly, "And why improve them you ask, because they were flawed, terrible so. They were human after all."

"And what's so wrong with being human" she demanded hotly, she was human after all.

"Are you joking, have you seen the world lately? If I didn't have people I actually liked down there I'd have burned down Grimmauld Place and never left this place. As it is I don't all that often anyway but, really I just have so much work to do."

"What kind of work" she was almost afraid to ask.

"Well you remember how I said these were series five?"

"Yes" she said cautiously.

"You didn't wonder what became of one through four."

"Alright, what became of them?" she asked, throwing caution to the wind.

"They died" he said.

She was about to say something rather caustic when they happened upon another statue, this one too looked familiar.

"And I suppose this is the statue of beauty" she snarked looking at the statue that looked just like her sister in law Fleur.

"The statue of mourning" he corrected, bowing his head respectfully.

"Wha… why mourning?"

"You see what she's holding there" he said, gesturing to the bundle in her arms.

"A baby" Hermione guessed, "I still don't get it."

"Not all baby's ever make it to their mother's arms" he said quietly.

"But, why Fleur then?"

Harry looked at her angrily, "Truly you don't remember, you are so wrapped up in yourself you don't remember Antoinette?"

"Who?"

Harry turned away from her, speaking harshly he said, "She was to be Bill and Fleur's second child. They already had her name picked out. The whole family was thrilled, but when she arrived there was no life in her."

"Oh the stillborn, yes I remember that, Fleur was devastated" said Hermione, feeling a bit foolish.

"Devastated hardly seems sufficient to describe, she was suicidal Hermione, she tried to kill herself at least once."

"What, no that can't be true, we would have known, Bill would have told us."

"Bill never knew. It was only by chance that I returned after the stillbirth and reading through my mail heard the news for the first time. I was beside myself and rushed to Shell Cottage. Bill wasn't there, but I found Fleur lying on the floor with her arms slit from elbow to wrist.

It took everything I had to save her, and when she woke she cursed my name. She wailed and screamed and asked me why I couldn't just let her die. All I could do was hold her as she let her grief out. She pleaded and begged me to bring her baby back. Were it within me to do I would have done it in an instant. But I couldn't. Even now that is beyond me and for the best I think."

He sighed, "After she had calmed down Bill returned. We didn't tell him what had happened and he assumed mostly the truth that I had received the news and come to offer my support. He would never know that I was the only reason his wife was not a corpse when he returned.

During her recovery I spent almost as much time with her as I did up here. We talked a great deal and I felt that in her I had found a kindred spirit that might understand what I was trying to accomplish up here. So I took a chance, and showed her. She was shocked at first of course but upon meeting the series three she could not help but be won over."

"Oh and why's that?" she asked skeptically.

"Take a look" he said as they crested a hill.

Down below were dozens of what appeared at first glance to be children. Of course Hermione knew better but she couldn't help but be taken in by them. They were so sweet and innocent looking frolicking about in the grass, skipping hand in hand around the field or just laying their enjoying the passing of the day.

"Their sweet little things" said Harry.

"By design no doubt" she found herself saying.

"Naturally. If you were going to create your own race from a preexisting one you'd remove all the bad parts wouldn't you?"

"Theoretically speaking I suppose" she admitted, "Their awfully quiet for children."

"They don't speak, at all."

"Why, are they simple?" she asked, quick to point out obvious flaws.

"Quite the opposite actually, their empathic, they communicate through emotion."

"When I brought Fleur here she was full of sadness and the three's sensed that, shared it. They didn't like it so they went about changing it. They shared their happiness, their joy and contentment, and it worked. Of course they were still just test models and not very long lived. When they died I made that statue in memory of all that was lost. I think it helped Fleur find closure with the whole thing but it certainly didn't bring any of them back.

We talked for a long time after that, she was very interested in my project and just what I'd done and how I'd done it. Eventually we came to a point where she asked me if it would be possible to modify a fetus while it was still inside the mother. Quite easily I said. And then she told me about Veela. The more she told me the more I began to understand what she was asking me to do.

It was doable of course but there was no way to know if I'd be any more successful that I had been with the thirds. I needed a new DNA, what I was using clearly wasn't enough."

"And just what dare I ask were you using?"

"House elves."

"Wait, you crossed humans with House elves?" she said disbelieving.

"Yes, but they kept dying so I need to add something else. The side project of modifying a Veela turned out to be the key to it all. As I was studying one night, who should appear but my old friend Fawkes."

"Dumbledore's Phoenix?" said Hermione.

"Not hardly, Fawkes has been around since long before Dumbledore. He told me he knew what I was doing and wanted to help. This was just the break I needed. With the Phoenix natural regenerative powers I was finally able to work through several of the problems I had with series three and modifying the Veela was mere Childs play."

"So wait, you mean to tell me…"

"That Danielle is the result of that project, yes." He said proudly, "out of all I've done here she is what I am most proud of."

"Alright I think I've heard enough. Clearly I was right to worry about you, you've gone completely mad. Stealing dead babies, flying to the moon so you can play god."

"I don't believe in god Hermione. After all, how could a benevolent being of infinite power allow his grand creation to go so horribly wrong? I shudder to think this is how the plan was meant to go from the start."

"Harry, you need help. Come on, we're going to Saint Mungo's" she said reaching for him.

"I'm sorry you feel that way Hermione, but I must protect my children."

Before the words could even register in her mind, Hermione was taken by the spell and slipped into darkness.

…

Hermione woke from her nap feeling lethargic and with a nasty crick in her neck. She sat up, stretched and yawned. Sitting there while her mind fired up after its rest she began to wonder how she had fallen asleep on the couch. Come to think of it, didn't she have plans today? Something to do with Harry.

At the thought of Harry a sharp pain shot through her head. The pain receded a bit and settled down to a minor throb in her skull. Realizing the headache was not going to go away on its own she went in search of a potion to deal with it. She never noticed the man looking in the window or the satisfied nod he gave before vanishing without a sound.

She would eventually get back to figuring out what she had planned to do that day, but really, for some reason it just didn't seem all that important.


	9. 08 The Game Man

The Game Man

It was the Hogsmead weekend that everyone had been waiting for. The students of Hogwarts had been on the edge of their seats with anticipation all year. Not since the return of the Triwizard tournament had an event been so anticipated. Yes, Potter and Weasley were opening another game house, another Black Arcade.

…

The first Black Arcade had come out only two years after the fall of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Still riding high on his fame Harry Potter along with business partner George Weasley had opened up a house of games, named in honor of Harry's deceased godfather and dedicated to the ideals he stood for, that being fun and frivolity.

Most people didn't know what to think when they first entered the Black Arcade. It was unlike anything any of the Purebloods had ever seen and unsurprisingly it was the children who were the first to get into the swing of things. They'd never seen video games before and the spent knut after knut learning to play. Parents didn't really mind, it was just a knut after all and that was usually worth three or four restarts. Children loved it because it was bloody wicked, or so one young man had said.

The genius behind the games had been a couple Muggleborn named Dave and Shawn who had been bored at Hogwarts and decided to try and recreate their video games from home. It had been a great success, in school anyway, but after school when they had been ready to enter the real world they found that things hadn't really changed much since the defeat of the Dark Lord. It was still purebloods hiring purebloods and before long they found themselves on the street and desperate.

It had been poor luck, or a sign of providence, that when they had turned to a life of crime their first victim turned out to be Harry Potter in disguise. He had been out and about, hiding in plain sight and they had tried and failed to mug him. They were incredibly surprised when he didn't hold it against them and asked if they would like to accompany him to dinner.

They were so shocked they almost missed the opportunity but after a little coaxing they agreed. No matter what they had read before they were completely unprepared for the real deal that was Harry Potter. He was polite and quiet, he listened more than he spoke, and when he said he understood them they truly believed he did.

Reminiscing about their days at Hogwarts, Harry showed an interest in their video game created with magic. So much to their surprise they found themselves in warm beds with full belly's that night, and a workshop in Black Manor the next morning to recreate the game they had created at school. Harry was thrilled when they finished and asked if they could make another one, a different one. They were more than happy to comply.

And that was how it began, from copying old video game ideas from the muggle world to just making up their own. It wasn't long before they had a dozen different games and that was when Harry had dropped his big idea on them. They were flabbergasted at first but they quickly started nodding. The magical world had never seen anything like it and with Harry Potter behind the project it was almost guaranteed success.

The advertising started two months before opening. The handbills were bright, colorful, and very prominently displayed the name Harry Potter. He was the hook, the thing that would draw people in. For the grand opening the street was packed, in the front were every child and the adults behind them all waiting impatiently for the appearance of Harry Potter.

There was a roaring cheer when he did appear in a display of pyrotechnics that had everyone bouncing off the walls in anticipation.

"To start off with I'd like to ask how many of you read anything on our little adverts besides my name."

A surprisingly small number of hands were raised, more surprisingly it was the children where most of the hands in the air came from.

"Shame on the lot of you" he said not unkindly which got a chuckle from the crowd.

"What we have here," he said gesturing behind him, "is something you've never seen before. And entire building dedicated to fun and time wasting. Not since Weasleys Wizard Wheezed has there been such a grand waste of space and time than right here."

The audience laughed his self-depreciating humor, just like Harry Potter said some.

"Ah but you all didn't come here to listen to me yammer on, Welcome to the Black Arcade" and with another flash of fireworks the doors burst open and people started piling in.

He had been right too, no one that day had ever seen anything like it but they warmed up to the concept quickly. While the children immediately took to the video style games there were also more traditional games, chess, checkers, all played against a board that played back which got progressively better each time you beat it.

There was even a flying tunnel for those who couldn't fly at home with special brooms all enchanted by Harry Potter himself as well as the challenge tunnel, a flying obstacle course said to have been inspired by Harry Potter's adventures. In the first week alone they were financially in the black and making money hand over fist. Every trip to Diagon Alley usually included at least a brief stop at the Black Arcade.

So when news got out some ten years later that another was being built, people were understandably excited.

…

When Harry Potter mounted the stage outside the Full Moon Arcade the cheer was deafening. He was older now, maybe a bit taller, more broad in the shoulder, but he still retained that same youthful vigor that people remembered and had come to associate with him. When he raised his hands the crowd fell silent, such was their respect and admiration for him even more than a decade after.

"My friends" he started, smiling kindly, "Today we embark on a new chapter in the book of Fun."

This statement brought raucous applause and he waited patiently for it to die down.

"It's been ten years since George Weasley and myself opened Black Arcade. And I can proudly say we have not been sitting round on our butts just counting the money. Most days anyway" he said and the audience laughed. "What you see before you is a decade's long dream finally made reality. What we have learned through Black Arcade has been used on this the Full Moon Arcade, to make it bigger and better than its predecessor."

Pause for cheers.

"All your old favorite games are still here as well as a couple dozen new ones, and let's not forget the life sized wizard's chess boards, inspired by our own dear Headmistress McGonagall."

Said Headmistress was blushing like a cherry when the audience all turned and applauded her.

"But, there is an extra surprise we hope you will all enjoy, I'm wearing them right now" he said and the proceeded to slide down the stairs, stopping inches from the ground, "we call them floats, we put them on the bottom of your shoes and instead of walking you float" he said, doing a couple spins just for fun.

The crowd was impressed and excited.

"But, you didn't all come here just to listen to me yammer. Welcome to the Full Moon Arcade."

The fireworks for this one practically blasted the doors off their hinges and a massive crackling dragon soared into the sky and exploded into a massive colorful display.

…

They spotted the figure in the dark cloak the minute he walked in. He would have needed a sign stating 'Minion of the dark lord, fear me' to be any more obvious in what he was doing. From their private table George Weasley watched as his partner surveyed the crowd.

"Trouble just walked in" said George.

"Your sister just walked in" said Harry fearfully.

"No, the other trouble" said George, reaching about in his coat pocket for something.

Harry looked puzzled for a moment then, "Oh, the Dark thingy and or his minions."

"That's the one" said George, finally pulling from his pocket a small telescope.

"What this all about?" said Minerva McGonagall who sat by the last occupant at the table, Professor of transfiguration, Hermione Granger.

"Oh nothing much, just some guests we were expecting finally arrived" said Harry, pulling a compact mirror from his pocket and flipping it open, "Amanda."

"Yes Mr. Potter" came the reply from the mirror a moment later.

"Grab that shady fellow who just came in and throw him in the box, we'll deal with him later."

"Yes Sir" came the reply and Harry slapped the mirror shut.

"Just what is going on Harry" demanded Hermione, looking concerned.

"When George and I decided to open up Full Moon here we suspected that dark lord everyone is talking about these days would show up and cause trouble."

"And?" she prompted.

"We took precautions" he said then turned to George who was currently looking through the telescope, "See anything?"

"The streets are empty and I mean empty, not a soul to be seen anywhere."

"Of course not, their all in here" said McGonagall looking out at the massive throng that filled the building.

The Full Moon Arcade was exactly as Harry had described it, bigger and better than the original. The game floor was easily three times larger and was settled next to two life size wizards chess boards which allowed people to step into place of certain pieces and serve in their place, rather like another such set from years ago. Past these were the Fly Tower and Cyclone Tunnel course where special brooms could be flown, freely in the tower and racing through the obstacle course. In separate rooms was a team based game called flash tag where special wands fired special beams of light to tag people. This was one of the new things and it was clearly going to be a favorite in the coming months by the look of things.

Of course in the middle of all of this was the float pond where people could fully enjoy the new bit of magic they received upon entry while listening to music played by the DJ who was by far the most energetic person Minerva McGonagall had ever seen. Now if she could only remember his name.

"Ah ha, there they are" announced George.

"Lemme see" said Harry, taking the telescope and peering through.

What he saw was about what he expected. The street empty save for seven men walking purposefully in their direction. The one at the center wore was a fairly handsome man that Harry didn't recognize but assumed was likely the Dark lord as the others all wore masks. The masks were an improvement over the old death eater masks as each one was some sort of demon and unique from every other.

"I like their masks" said Harry.

"Let me see" demanded Hermione, snatching at the telescope.

Harry was quicker of course and slapped it shut before giving a sharp clockwise turn and setting it down in the middle of the table. A moment later an image appeared floating above it, showing what Harry had just been looking at.

"How'd you do that?" said Hermione.

"Magic" said Harry, and was punch in the arm for it.

"An ingenious bit of magic Mr. Potter" complimented McGonagall.

"This one was yours wasn't it George?"

"Think so" he said, "hard to remember sometimes who came up with what."

"True enough" agreed Harry, "This however, was all me" he said, pulling a small square mirror from his pocket and setting it down on the table.

"And what does this do?" asked Hermione.

"Controls the welcome wagon" said Harry with an impish grin.

"Might want to fire it up" said George, "because it looks like he's about to fire us up."

Harry looked at the holographic projection and saw that the Dark whatsit was conjuring up a very powerful bit of fire. Pressing on a bit of the mirror a square lit up red and on the hologram the dark lord was doused with a powerful jet of water. Harry and George snickered at the sight.

"Boy does he look mad" said George.

"It's only gonna get worse from here fella" said Harry, pressing a few more buttons on the mirror.

A dozen jets of water struck all the assembled men outside, sending them sprawling into the mud. George was laughing and pounding the table with his fists.

"Who knew dark lord slaying could be this much fun" he croaked.

"Slaying? I'd hardly call this slaying" stated Hermione, "You're just making him madder."

"Oh that's not all we're doing" said Harry, pressing yet another button on his mirror keyboard.

Outside, small metal balls planted in the ground, now in the mud, came to life, sending millions of volts surging through the water and into the unfortunate conductors sitting in the water. The dark lord and his six men twitched frantically as the electricity surged through them, superheating their insides, cooking them while they were still alive. Smoke had begun to poor from their mouths and ears before Harry turned the fatal Taser off.

The twitching bodies fell lifeless to the ground, their masks hiding the hideously contorted faces, all except the dark lord who had fortunately fell face first into the mud where he now lay.

"Well, that takes care of that" said Harry, sliding his mirror back into his pocket.

George nodded in agreement, McGonagall looked impressed, and Hermione was gaping in shock.

"But, that can't be, I mean, what just happened?"

"I killed a dark lord" said Harry simply.

"But, how, how'd you even know he'd come, how'd you know he'd try and set the building on fire?" It couldn't be that easy, it just couldn't.

"We didn't" said George.

"We didn't" agreed Harry, "We strongly suspected he would come and with that in mind prepared a counter for every possible thing would could think of that he was likely to do. This was actually much easier than I expected this to go either but eh, I'm not complaining."

"But, I just, you can't" her mind was stuck in a loop, it couldn't be that easy.

"Whoop, hold on, looks like he's pullin a runner on us" said George, staring hard at the holographic display.

The smoke had cleared and some manner of incorporeal mist was accumulating above the still form of the dark lord, a mist both Harry and Hermione recognized all too well.

"Son of a bitch" said Harry standing up and pulling something easily the length of his leg from behind his chair, "excuse me."

"What was that he was carrying?" queried McGonagall as they all watched Harry head outside.

"Soul eating sword" said George.

The women watched stupefied as Harry approached the coalescing mist, drew a Japanese style sword from its sheath and stabbed it into the center of the cloud. The mist shivered a bit and was then sucked into the blade of the sword. Its task complete the sword was returned to its sheath and Harry returned, not even breathing hard.

"Now, that that's all settled, I believe Hermione here owes me something" he said with a devilish grin.

"What? What are you talking about" she asked suspiciously.

"You remember after your big breakup with Ron, that night we were together at Grimmauld Place?"

The cherry blush that painted her cheeks said it all, "Yes" she mumbled.

"Do you remember what you said I'd have to do for a repeat performance" he asked with a smug grin.

"Slay another dark lord" she said resigned.

"George, Minerva, if you'll excuse us" he said taking Hermione by the hand and leading her away, "Oh Minerva, I'll try and return her some time tomorrow, though I can't really say what condition she'll be in."

The two at the table tittered as a red faced Hermione was gently led through the crowd and out of sight by a very smug Harry.

"Well, for a grand opening I'd say that went quite well" said George.

"Indeed" agreed Minerva.

"Cheers?"

"Cheers."


	10. 09 Man on the Mountain

Man on the Mountain

"This as far as I go lady" said the guide.

Hermione Granger looked up from the device in her hand at her guide.

"You said you'd take me up the mountain" she said, seeing nearby the bamboo tree line at the foot of the mountain.

"No, I say I take you to the mountain" he said nervously, "you not have enough money to get up the mountain."

"I can get more" she said crossly, scowling at the greedy little rat.

"You no understand. Not enough money in whole world to get up that mountain. Money no good to dead man" he clarified.

"I wasn't lead to understand the mountain was particularly treacherous" she said skeptically.

"Not mountain per say, on its own is just a mountain, but this mountain is haunted, not goin any closer than this" he said stubbornly.

"Haunted, really, by what exactly?" it wasn't that she didn't believe in ghosts, obviously, but there was a difference between the things she'd seen and silly local superstitions.

"The master." He replied, his voice a reverent whisper.

"What masters?"

He looked around nervously, obviously considering whether he should tell her or not but eventually decided he was safe.

"There is story, many story in fact, that tell of the masters of Wudan" he said.

"And who were these master of Wudan?" she asked.

"The greatest Kung Fu masters of their time. According to stories, many students climb the mountain to train but few ever survive to become masters. Wudan most powerful but also most demanding Kung Fu style ever known."

"Oh, I can't imagine that attracts so many students now days" she quipped sarcastically.

"You not understand miss, no one practice Wudan anymore because no one left to teach it after, her."

"Her?" Hermione arched her brow, sure she wasn't going to like what came next.

"Name changes depending on who telling the story but all agree it was a woman that killed the Wudan masters."

"Well, obviously their Kung Fu wasn't all it was advertised" stated Hermione.

"Woman not kill them in fight, use poison at celebration, kill all practitioners of Wudan style in one swoop."

"And why would she do that?" asked Hermione, suspecting a hole in the story.

"She come to learn Wudan style. The masters refuse to teach her because she is a woman and so, in revenge, she kill them. Now their angry spirits guard the mountain, not letting anyone pass who is unworthy to learn."

"And you don't think I'm worthy" she said glaring at him.

"You are woman" he stated without flinching, "Wudan masters never trained Women."

"Sexist pigs."

The guide merely shrugged, "was a different time, not really matter now."

"So" she said after a moment's consideration, "you won't take me then?"

He shook his head emphatically and took a step back for emphasis.

"Fine, I'll just go on my own then" she said.

And after quickly adjusting her pack put words to action and headed for the break in the tree line. The guide merely shook his head.

"Well, never see her again."

…

Hermione grumbled to herself as she made her way through the bamboo wood.

"Of course it would be the woman portrayed as the villain and not the stupid sexist men."

She'd been on something of a women's liberation kick ever since she'd broken up with her one time fiancé Ron Weasley. The breakup had not been pretty and it had been her reputation that was dragged through the mud despite the whole thing being the fault of Ron's infidelities and inability to keep it in his pants. She was only employed because Headmistress McGonagall was not the sort of woman to believe rumors and knew both those involved personally.

Still the whole thing had just stunk of the injustice of their society and she'd been doing everything she could to empower her female students ever since. As such she was not well liked by the Hogwarts board who, much to their dismay didn't have enough leverage to kick her out no matter how much she was rocking the boat.

She didn't care what they thought of course, there wasn't a single one of them she couldn't out duel and none of them was her intellectual equal so why should she.

"Stupid, close minded cretins" she mumbled.

Of course it was because of one of those stupid close minded cretins that she was there in the first place. Given the choice she would much rather be spending her summer back in Hogwarts doing research, or lying on a beach in France soaking up some vitamin D, or just about anywhere else doing anything else for that matter. Trekking up a mountain in search of a man she hadn't seen in nearly thirteen years was very near the bottom of her list of things she'd like to be doing, right above being pregnant and just below having the measles.

When Kingsley Shacklebolt had been assassinated and Cornelius Fudge reinstated as Minister of Magic no one had been more shocked than her. She considered it just one more sign of how nothing had really changed since Harry had defeated Voldemort. Of course when Harry had told her she hadn't listened, still being optimistic and full of hope now that the great evil had been vanquished. She really should have known better.

So when Fudge had called arranged a meeting, she had half expected it to be merely an opportunity for him to gloat. She actually would have preferred that to what happened instead. He had made it clear that a new dark lord was making big moves and that Harry Potter was needed to deal with it. She of course had disagreed and not been the least bit intimidated by the pudgy little bureaucrat. Then he had started playing dirty.

He had told her he'd see her out of Hogwarts if she didn't do it. Said he'd destroy what little reputation she had left and turn all of Magical Britain against her. Said he'd make sure every little girl to pass through Hogwarts would learn to loath and despise Hermione Granger. She wasn't sure she believed he could do it but the fact that he knew just how to attack her had given her pause. In the end she considered the risks too high and had agreed to find Harry and deliver Fudge's message.

And thus here she was, tramping through the bamboo, a special compass made using the parts from the deluminator Dumbledore had left Ron as her only guide. Getting this far had been no simple trick and the further she walked the more she just wanted the whole thing to be over with. It wasn't that seeing Harry again was a horrible proposition, but she hadn't heard from him in over a decade. Would there even be anything left of the boy she had known in the man she was going to find.

She would have just as soon let sleeping dogs lie but the choice had been taken from her hands and come hell or high water she was going to see him.

Something passed overhead that drew her attention but it was gone before she could see it, only noticing the swaying bamboo. A sudden sense of tension filled her as though she were being watch which was silly she told herself. Despite her self assurances she drew her wand in her free hand before continuing on through the bamboo forest.

The further she tramped the quieter it became, the sounds of birds, insects, and various other wildlife slowly tapering off till the only sounds were the ones coming from her and the cool breeze coming off the mountain that rustled the leaves. It was eerie, she hated to admit and couldn't help the creeping fear that began to grow inside her.

Perhaps the guide was right, she thought, and the mountain really was haunted. But if that were true then why hadn't she seen any ghosts. As a witch she should have been able to see any spirits lingering about but thus far she had seen nothing that suggested the story was anything more than superstition. This of course did nothing to quell her rising fear as the day wore on, the bamboo grew thicker, and the dark closed in as night began to fall.

She hated to stop, as it seemed the invisible eyes had grown in number and the chills running up and down her spine had grown more numerous. But she had no choice. She couldn't see in the dark even with magic and if she tried to keep going she was liable to break a leg or worse in the process. No, the best thing she could do was hunker down for the night and wait for daybreak.

Removing her pack she drank a bit from her bottomless canteen after downing a nutrient potion which she was using in place of food for this excursion, and, taking one last look around, transformed into a common looking tabby cat, her animagus form. She was after all a mistress of transfiguration.

The night was long, and she took little sleep even in the feline form which was usually so comfortable. Her superior senses however only made the silence worse as all the little sounds she had come to expect were not there, only the eerie, permeating silence. It was as though every living thing was holding its breath waiting for some unspeakable thing to pass by, praying that it would do so without noticing them.

When morning light finally came Hermione was all too glad to be on the move again, leaving the bamboo forest and whatever unseen horrors dwelt within for the rugged terrain and swiftly rising elevation of the mountain proper. Here on the rising rocks the vegetation came only in small copses and was mostly green and yellow lichens. Occasionally there was a patch large enough to support a few shoots of bamboo but they were few and far between, becoming less and less the further up the trail she went.

As she rose higher into the mountain the wind rose with her, battering her against the mountain wall which grew harder and harder to avoid as the path grew narrower and narrower the further she went. Eventually she came to a place where the path vanished entirely, destroyed by a rock slide from the look of things, reappearing some five feet up and fifteen feet across the chasm. All that remained was a few small outcroppings that had once been part of the trail still jutting out of the wall.

Pulling her wand from her sleeve she removed her pack and levitated it across the expanse, no small feat as the wind seemed determined to take it away from her but she managed to get it across without losing it to the elements. Then, after catching her breath, she resumed cat form and began carefully making her way across, using the jutting rocks as platforms.

It was a perilous journey as none of the rocks was that large even by cat standards and she had a near miss half way through when a gust of wind threw off her ark and she passed over her intended target. It was only with a quick kick of the back legs which just made purchase that she was able to bounce over to the next one, missing a good landing and having to scramble for a couple of minutes to get on. The remaining jumps were nerve racking and she sat for several minutes upon reaching more solid and sizable ground before returning to human form, donning her pack and continuing up the trail.

Perhaps a quarter mile later the trail ended at a sheer rock wall pitted with what could have been hand holds, rising some thirty feet into the air. Hermione groaned in aggravation and consulted her compass which, surprise surprise, told her she had some climbing to do.

Putting the irritating device back in her pack she threw a warming charm on her gloves and began to climb. It was more of a challenge than she thought and before she was even half way there it began to snow, on top of the wind which was still howling in her ears. Her hands were nearly numb by the time she reached the top and her arms felt as though they might well fall off at the shoulders which was only slightly less sore than her back.

Carefully she dug another nutrient potion from her pack and then sat there in the wind and snow for a bit trying to regain some feeling in her upper extremities that didn't make her flinch. Failing that, she lifted her pack only to drop it when pain shot up her arm. Choking back a sob, she took the compass and canteen and abandoned her pack to the mountain.

As she walked the weather grew worse, the snow driving right into her face forcing her to go at a snail's pace simply to avoid walking off the edge by accident. As the day passed and night began to fall she finally reached a point where the trail disappeared once again down a vast gaping chasm. To far across to see with the snow pelting her in the face she did notice a single thick rope tied to a post extending straight out across the gap and disappearing out of her sight.

She fell to her knees, shivering despite the warming charms and the insulated coat. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. After all the trouble she'd been through to get this far how was she to overcome this. She could barely hold her wand at this point never mind casting any kind of spell reliably yet the damned compass insisted she go that way.

In a fit of pique she pitched the thing into the chasm, losing sight of it almost immediately. However far it fell she never heard the crash which was not the least bit reassuring. Cold, hungry, tired and massively upset she did the only thing she was still able to do.

"HARRY!" she screamed, not caring if she brought the whole damn mountain down on top of her.

Spent, she hunched over and began to cry. All her energy was gone and the temperature was dropping quickly. If she didn't find some manner of shelter soon she would freeze to death she knew but just couldn't muster up enough give a damn to think of a solution. All she could think was damn Fudge, damn him to hell.

Moments from unconsciousness she looked out across the chasm only to think herself mad. Walking across the rope heedless of the wind and snow was a man. It was impossible to make out his features at the distance but he walked the thin line across the chasm like it was nothing.

"Harry?" she whispered, but never heard the answer as darkness overtook her.

…

She knew not how long she dwelt in the darkness, flitting between conscious and unconscious but at a point she came awake long enough to be aware of her surroundings. It was a small room of old eastern design, at the center was a short table with a small lantern in the middle. On the walls were several paintings, simple in on paper, of landscapes and animals, a waterfall and an eagle were the ones she liked best, and there next to her bed was a person covered in shadows, lying a warm compress against her forehead. It felt good and she realized how heavy her eyelids were so she closed them.

The next time she opened them her mind felt clear and focused and the room was alight with early morning rays. Slowly taking stock of herself and her surroundings she realized that underneath the many warm layers of blankets she was completely naked. A set of thick looking robes and several pairs of warm socks lay just next to her head. A hint if ever she saw one.

Bracing herself she threw of her comfy warm prison and slipped into the waiting clothes as quickly as she could. Not quickly enough though as by the time she slipped the first robe on certain things were sticking out rather naughtily. Paying more attention to her health than her modesty she was swiftly had the robe closed and tied, followed by two more, all of which dangled down past the top of her new warm and comfy socks almost to the floor.

At the door hung a heavy coat and a pair of sandals which, judging by the size were meant for her. Donning the coat and slipping into the sandals she opened the door and ventured outside. The first thing she noticed was the thin layer of snow that covered the ground. The second was the absence of wind or cloud, which suggested she had been asleep for a considerable amount of time.

Determined to find the man who had saved her she ventured out into the village, following the tracks in the snow to an arena of sorts where a series of posts rose up from the ground. Each was a different height, the shortest half the length of the tallest and hopping around on top of them was what could only be her rescuer. And as threw a kick and spun in her direction she saw his face.

He certainly looked different without the glasses but there was no mistaking, she had found him. He smiled when he saw her and she couldn't help but blush. She hadn't seen that smile in so long it filled her with the sort of warm fuzzy feeling she thought she'd never feel again.

"Hello Hermione" he said, his voice sending pleasant shivers down her spine.

In a move she thought rather reckless he leapt from a top the posts some fifteen feet up and landed atop the snow, barely breaking the surface. He held out his arms to her and throwing away any pride she ran to him and clamped him in a bone cracking hug, burying her face in his chest. He responded a bit less forcefully but no less warmly and she felt those warm fuzzy's moving from her tummy to every other part of her.

She may have convinced herself at one point that she didn't care if she saw him again but the truth of the matter was much different. She missed her first and best friend more than even she knew and being there in his arms pressed up against his chest just brought it all back and my wasn't that a very firm chest, and well-muscled back, and, oh my those were nice.

"Are you quite done with your inspection or would you like me to strip for you as well."

Hermione's hands flew of her friends fabulously firm buttocks like they were on fire.

"Uh, sorry bout that" she said with a blush.

"Quite a grip you've got there darling" he said with a cheeky smile which only made her blush that much harder.

"Oh… You" she said which made him laugh.

"It's nice to see you Hermione" he said with that radiant smile that made her brain all fuzzy.

"It's nice to feel you too, I mean see you, see you, I meant see you" she fumbled, feeling like a silly school girl with her first crush.

"So how was your trip?" he asked.

The look she shot him suggested that had been a poor question to ask, "How was my trip? Could you possibly have picked a more out of the way location to live?"

"There's actually a small meditation retreat further up the mountain" he said glancing toward higher elevations.

"That is not funny, prat" she said punctuating it with a punch in the shoulder which only served to hurt her knuckles, "geez, what are you made of rock?"

"You seemed to be doing a rather thorough inspection earlier, you tell me" he shot back.

"Well I, that is, I mean, Oooo" she said with a scowl that just made Harry laugh.

Pulling her in for another hug he whispered in her ear, "it really is good to see you."

The sweet words melted her temper and she returned the hug eagerly, though not too eagerly this time.

…

"So, how's life been treating you" queried Harry, setting down his bowl.

Hermione's stomach had made itself known so they had retired to the kitchens where Harry proceeded to fill his friends gaping void till she was full and satisfied, lounging comfortably in a chair at a small table in the corner.

"Can't complain really. Deputy Headmistress and professor of Transfiguration at Hogwarts" she said with a satisfied smile.

"Glad to hear it, and in the romance department?" he asked.

"Happily single" she said forcefully.

"Really? I rather expected you to be married by this point the way you and Ron were when I left."

"Ronald Weasley and I have not spoken to each other in a great many years" she said with very familiar look on her face.

"Oh boy, what'd he do this time?" said Harry, setting a small stool at the table and sitting down.

"Oh nothing really, I just caught him in bed with Lavender Brown and some tramp I'd never met before doing a naked conga line. Two weeks before we were to get married no less" she shouted.

Harry simply shook his head, "Ron never did have much in the way of self-control."

"Tsk, I'll say" she said.

Sensing his friends frustration he reached out and took her hand, "You deserved better anyway" he said, calmly rubbing circles along the back of her hand.

Her cheeks colored as his words and the familiar way he touched her. In another time, another place, she could easily imagine them having been together, if only she hadn't been so blind when it really mattered.

"It's not like it matters. I'm perfectly happy without a man in my life" she said with a bravado she didn't feel.

"Hermione Granger, don't need nothin or nobody" said Harry with a chuckle.

"I needed you" she said quietly, with a look that bordered on tears, "Why'd you leave Harry, why'd you run away.

Harry sighed, "Because I was fighting a battle I couldn't hope to win. After I killed Voldemort everyone seemed to know what I should be doing except me. I couldn't take a step without someone walking up to me and asking what I was going to do now that I had saved the world."

"Why didn't you say anything?" she said plaintively.

"I said plenty, it's just no one wanted to hear me" he gave a rueful chuckle, "probably how Ming felt I imagine."

"Ming?" said Hermione, confused.

"She's part of the local legend" he said.

"You mean the woman who poisoned the masters" she said distastefully.

"Ah, heard that one did you?"

"Yes" she replied sourly, "sounds like they got what they deserved."

"She didn't think so" he said.

"What do you mean?"

"You know how rumors are, the tale changes with each telling and that's even assuming the first telling is true. In Ming's case it wasn't, and the truth was far more complex than anyone could ever have imagined." He said frowning thoughtfully.

When he looked up Hermione had her elbows on the table with her chin in her hands giving him an expectant look. He chuckled, took a sip of his tea, and began the tale.

"The first thing you must understand is that Ming was not a woman, she was a girl, not yet thirteen or so she appeared, you see, she was a vampire as well, older than every master on the mountain save the grandmaster. When the Silk Road opened it brought all manner of things back and forth between the empires both the good and the bad and one of those things got to her.

When she arrived at Wudan Village she was fleeing from a group of hunters out to kill her. She approached the masters and said she wished to study the Wudan style. The grandmaster being both wise and worldly saw her for what she was. They would not teach her but they did allow her to stay provided she brought no harm to anyone in the village. She agreed.

She remained for many years, developing a relationship with many of the masters but most strongly with the grandmaster."

"So, you mean like good friends?"

"Lovers" he corrected, which made her gag.

"It may seem odd now but in those days it wasn't terribly uncommon for a girl to be married and with child at the age she looked, and don't forget she was in fact much older.

So time passed, until one day a man came to Wudan and demanded to learn the Wudan style. He was brash, arrogant, but incredibly talented. One of the first things to break when one trains in Wudan is pride and ego and the masters were sure their teachings could humble him, shape him into a proper practitioner of their art, so they accepted him.

Time passed and the masters were happy with the man's progress. They said he would be the shining example of their art, the finest master ever produced by Wudan. But Ming was not so convinced. She was not dazzled by his skills nor fooled by his false humility. She tried to tell the other masters but they would not listen. Even her lover the grandmaster would do nothing, saying only that he trusted things would turn out.

This wasn't good enough for Ming so one night she found the man practicing alone and challenged him. He laughed at her, mocked her, told her she wasn't even worthy to be a scuff on his boots. He had no idea what she was and wouldn't live to find out. While unable to be taught Wudan she was a keen observer and had learned much in her time there, more than enough she presumed to teach the fool a real lesson in humility.

The fight was short and brutal. Ming had not been in a real fight since coming to Wudan and unintentionally some of her more baser instincts kicked in as the fight intensified. When it was over the man was bruised and beaten, too weak to defend himself from a kitten let alone Ming. Unfortunately for him he had awoken the sleeping hunger in that Ming had so carefully worked to suppress. He was barely able to plead for his life before she sunk her fangs into his neck and drained him dry.

The other masters having heard the fight arrived just in time to see Ming drop the lifeless husk to the ground and step back looking appropriately horrified by what she had done. She went willingly with them to the grandmaster and begged his forgiveness. But there was nothing he could do. She had broken the sacred promise she had made when she arrived and for that was cast out of Mt. Wudan forever.

Her misery became like a physical anguish which the beast inside her channeled into a cold rage. How dare they cast her out, how dare they turn their backs on her. She was consumed by thoughts of revenge and would settle for nothing less than the death of all Wudan. Of course she knew in a fair fight even with her vampiric powers she was no match for a true Wudan master. Even her once lover the grandmaster was a force to be reckoned with no matter how old he was. No, she could not win a fair fight, but there were other ways to kill.

It was child's play to gather the things she needed to make the poison, then it was just a matter of timing. The harvest festival was the one time of year when all of Wudan was present. Masters near and far returned to the mountain to honor and celebrate, making it the perfect time for Ming to enact her vengeance.

It was a simple thing to sneak about unnoticed in the dark and see to it that enough dishes were poisoned to make sure everyone got a taste, and then all she had to do was wait. The poison took time, seeping into the body, and by the time one realized something was wrong it was already too late. She walked openly among the dying, those that recognized her through their pain were too weak to do anything and those that weren't were already dead.

Ultimately her target in all this was the grandmaster who lay at the head of the table, one of the first to succumb. But when she looked down at him expecting to feel elation, she felt only remorse. What had she done? Why?

She was mad with grief, filled with such self-loathing that she threw herself from the mountain. It took weeks for her to heal and in all that time she could do naught but regret. When she was once again able to move she went back up the mountain and, as is often custom in the east, burned each body to ash.

Her lover she saved for the very end and as she watched the fire consume his mortal remains she made a vow that she would never again for any reason drink of the blood of men."

Hermione was silent for a time and Harry waited for her to digest what she had been told.

"But, if everyone died, who told 'you' the story?" she asked at last.

"Ming" he replied, "I met her in Hong Kong. She told me about this place, I came to have a look, and decided to stay."

"I see" she said.

It was difficult to find anything to say after that and what she did have to say seemed wholly inappropriate but, she didn't have anything else.

"Harry, do you know why I came looking for you?"

"I suppose it's too much to hope you just missed me" he said with a rueful grin.

"Harry, Kingsley was assassinated last year and, his replacement sent me to find you."

"Oh, and who'd they get to replace Shacklebolt."

"Cornelius Fudge."

Harry quirked an eyebrow at that admission "Wow. Just Wow."

"Yeah, I know" she said.

"And what does old Corny Fudge want with me?" he asked, showing little interest in actually finding out.

"He's ordering you to return to Britain and deal with a new dark lord that s popped up recently."

"Like fucking rats these dark lords" said Harry, "think you've finally got them all turn your back for a second and another one goes scurryin cross the floor like they own it."

Hermione found the metaphor highly appropriate.

"So, I suppose I should craft a witty and eloquent reply for you to take back. How does this sound to you?

NO!"

While she personally couldn't argue with his feelings on the matter and she certainly hated to be helping Fudge in any way, she couldn't help but speak her own mind on the matter.

"We could use you" she said quietly.

"That's precisely the problem" he replied, "If I come everyone will want to use me and no one will want to do anything themselves. It'll be Voldemort and the death munchers all over again. Besides this dark lord, I doubt he's anything you couldn't handle Hermione."

"Me?" she squeaked.

"Do you see any other Hermione's in the room" he quipped.

"But, I'm really not that powerful" she said bashfully, trying in vain not to blush.

"Power has very little to do with it" said Harry, "it's all in how you use what you have."

"But…I" she stuttered.

"You are a brilliant and magnificent woman who is more than a match for any silly dark whatsit dumb enough to show his face. Is that understood young lady" he said, holding her by the chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.

"Okay" she said timidly, blushing like a cherry at his intensity.

"I, I suppose I should probably go then" she said a bit morosely, "If you could just show me the way down."

"Well ya know there's two ways to get down" he said, "there's the long way, and then there's the fun way" he said, his grin positively impish.

…

The fun way down consisted of a tabby cat in a basket carried by a rather handsome eagle. The cat of course being Hermione and the eagle, to her surprise, being Harry. The minute they touched down Hermione was out of the basket and back in human form hugging the ground.

"Land sweet land, I'll never leave you again" she cried.

"Oh really it wasn't that bad" said Harry.

"I hate flying. If witches had been made to fly they'd have been born with wings" she said haughtily.

Harry could only shake his head and chuckle.

"So I suppose this is goodbye" he said smiling sadly.

"I suppose it is" she replied, her own look the same.

"So I suppose I should give you this now" he said, pulling a small well-worn book from his robe and handing it to her.

"What's this, The Art of War?" she said quizzically.

"Trust me, if we'd had that when we were fighting Voldemort we wouldn't have been getting our butts kicked so bad."

"I'll take your word for it" she said, stowing the book in the folds of her own robe.

"So, I uh, I guess this means…" oh why am I so bad at these things she groused internally, just kiss him already.

Her internal debate was interrupted when a strong pair of arms took hold of her and a warm pair of lips pressed gently against her own. When asked later she was not too proud to admit she melted into his kiss. Kissing Harry was nothing like kissing Ron had been, if the slobbering tongue duels could even be called kissing.

She was dazed when he finally pulled away and it took her a moment to realize he had placed a package in her hands.

"What's this?"

"Just a little something I'd like you to give to Fudge when you see him" said Harry.

She gave him a skeptical look which just made him look even more guilty.

"It's nothing really although just a word of advice you probably want to be out of the room when he opens it in fact, out of the building would be better."

She could only shake her head, "Oh you" she said good naturedly.

"And hey if you're not too busy teaching, slaying dark lords, and being a role model to little witches everywhere, you might come visit some time huh?" he said hopefully.

She couldn't find words to say at that but her smile said it all.

"Oh and when you do, you might just want to take the regular trail instead of coming up through the challenge course again. It'll be a lot easier" he said, and before he could even see her reaction he took a running leap transforming in an instant and was in the air with basket in talons.

Hermione could only watch him go with a mixture of feelings, key among them being mortification at how she had made her own situation worse than it needed to be.

"Ya know, sometimes I wonder if I'm really as smart as everyone says I am."


	11. 10 The Lich King

Author's note

And now for our first venture into Crossover land. Can you guess what universe we have merged with.

For all the entries in Crossover land the focus shall of course remain on Harry and company as that is the point of the project. But I saw no reason not to throw in a few epilogue's that threw in characters from some of my other favorite books, movies, anime, etc.

Can you spot what universe we crossed this time. Tell me in the reviews.

End Author's note

...

The Lich King

Standing at the highest window of his tower the Lich King surveyed the writhing throng of flesh as it moved along. Undead they were though not of his making nor the makings of any mage. These were no inferi but creatures created by science gone horribly wrong or, in the Lich Kings opinion, just horribly out of control.

He watched as a handful of witches and wizards attempted to yield the advance, casting fire at the creatures as this was how inferi were dealt with but it did no good. These were not inferi and they had no fear of flame, nor anything else for that matter. The fools would be overrun soon enough and be either eaten or turned, in truth he didn't much care which.

"What are you watching?" asked a sweet elegant voice with a distinct French accent.

"Is it funny, or gory? Ooo, I hope it's both" said another voice, this one guttural with a distinct rasp.

"It is neither I'm afraid. Nothing but fools fires and zombies as far as the eye can see" he replied, continuing to watch despite the boredom in his tone.

"Oh, that's nice" said the sweet voice.

"Boring, we've seen it all before" complained the guttural voice.

"That we have" agreed the Lich King, "thus I suppose is the great curse of eternity. Boredom."

The guttural one snickered.

"You are most eloquent today my lord" said the other.

"Next you know you'll be talking in sonnets" quipped the guttural voice.

"Oh I don't know about sonnets, but perhaps a limerick or two" he said, turning away from the fight outside to the single woman in the room with him.

She was beautiful, the part that could be seen anyway. Half her face was covered with a white mask from forehead to chin, a stylized rose painted on the cheek. The other half was alabaster fair, beauty beyond the pale of common women. Her blonde hair was in two braids, one tied with a pair of angel wings, the other by a pair of tiny skeletal hands.

Her dress was a simple yet elegant affair done all in black and white. The top in white but trimmed in black, and the long flowing skirt in black but trimmed in white while a high collar that covered everything up to the mask was evenly split between black and white while trimmed in the opposing shade. Her appearance was a reflection of the duality of her personalities. Rose and Thorn as they liked to be called were among his most faithful subordinates and little surprise for it was he that had taken away their pain and given them their rebirth.

He reached out and stroked the Roses unmasked cheek. She leaned in to his touch, a look of bliss upon her face.

"You are looking especially beautiful today" he said.

"You're just trying to get in to our knickers now" said Thorn, even as the visible lips of Rose made no movement.

"It that an objection?" he asked playfully.

"Not at all" crooned Rose in a voice that sounded simply euphoric.

"Oh my, this looks terribly naughty" said a new voice, intruding on the scene.

"Go away Banshee" growled Thorn, "It was just getting good."

"I know, that's why I'm here" she said, her glowing ghostly form rising up through the floor, "by all means keep going, don't mind me" she said with an impish grin.

"My lord I, I can't…" said Rose plaintively.

"My delicate Rose" he said, "so very innocent, so very shy."

He placed a gentle kiss upon her cheek which made her blush, and then he withdrew to the window.

"Uugh, Rotten dirty little voyeur" groused Thorn which simply made Banshee titter.

Banshee, his other most faithful was a unique sort of undead, not truly a banshee, but a completely new sort of Spirit. She had been his very first creation, her body beyond repair he had been forced to seek other avenues. A ghost would simply not do, a mere echo of the person that once was and she deserved better than that. He had succeeded in creating the first magical ghost as all her magic remained with her in undeath, a feat no Necromancer on record had ever accomplished.

He watched the battle below as he listened to his two lieutenant's banter back and forth and couldn't repress a smile. When he had first made the jump to undeath it had been in a moment of weakness, an attempt to stop the nightmares that had plagued him since his final victory over his great enemy. Things then had been so different than now, in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, back before he truly understood the repercussions of being the master of death, back when he had still answered to the name Harry Potter.

…

After his own death and the following destruction of the most feared dark lord of their time Harry Potter hadn't really known what to do. How does one come to grips with coming back from the dead? He didn't know, and none of his so called friends had been terribly helpful. Ron who had the emotional depth of a teaspoon had been completely uninterested in his problem, being far more interested in getting into his girlfriend's knickers. Hermione had told him just to put it out of his mind and was much more concerned with things like keeping her boyfriend out of her knickers.

Luna had been honest with him, saying she really didn't know. She at least tried to listen to him but had very little to offer despite her own experiences with death. Her company became one the few he could tolerate after a while, but thanks to the efforts of the youngest Weasley it wasn't a company he was able to enjoy much. Ginny of course had been another problem, latching onto him like a leech and insisting the restart their relationship. He was not so enthusiastic, quite the opposite in fact he found himself completely unattracted to the girl.

Sitting alone in Grimmauld Place he came to the most likely conclusion for the complete turnaround in his views of the little Weasley. There was of course no way to prove she had potioned him but it hardly mattered, he simply made every effort to stay away from the possessive little psycho as possible. In point of fact he began avoiding most everyone after a while. It wasn't that he detested company but by then everyone was demanding to know what he planned to do next, and of course everyone had their own thoughts to offer/ shove down his throat.

It got so bad at points he almost wished he hadn't killed Kreature, the little monster. At least he would have been able to go out and fetch food and other such things. And without his wand what he could do with magic was limited, or so he had believed at the time, and who could blame him, he was a Hogwarts student after all.

One thing he had no shortage of however was booze. At some point, someone had filled the wine cellar with a wide assortment of liquors, everything from fire whiskey to French sounding wines to what he was fairly sure was a very large keg of mead. At any rate, since it was there he decided he should drink it, and thus began a rather dark period of his life that consisted of a great many drunken blackouts whilst bumping around Black Manor, hardly the safest place for such activities.

On top of all this of course were the nightmares. It became something of a game to see which liquor would help him sleep and which ones would just make the dreams worse. It was a crapshoot on the best of days as he didn't have the foggiest idea what most of them were and was usually too drunk to really pay attention.

Strangely enough, his drunken wandering often led him to the library where he would simply grab a book off the shelf and begin paging through. This was also usually the point he would black out, waking up either still in the chair, or passed out on the floor. He couldn't really remember what he'd read but at the time he really didn't care. The hangover would be setting in and that meant he needed to get some more alcohol into him.

Eventually one night it happened and he awoke the next morning stark naked in the middle of strange ritual circle. His mind for the first time in ages was clear of the haze that had clouded it and he could remember things with a startling clarity he had never before possessed. The answers as it happened lay in the book sitting in his usual reading chair, but one of countless tomes in the black library that had no title or author yet he knew what it was about. The book was a detailed overview of Necromancy, a sort of apprentices guide to the art.

The ritual he had performed on himself was a cleansing ritual usually performed on corpses before they were to be reanimated and it gave him chills to know that not only had he performed it on himself but it had worked perfectly. The haze of alcohol was gone as were all the usual aches and pains he associated with having grown up the way he had, and even his vision was clear, clearer than he could ever remember it being.

Not surprisingly he returned to the book and read it again, then went in search of others concerning the discipline. This then became his focus for several years and it was during this time he realized he had no need of a wand to do magic. It could be a help but it was not the least bit necessary. Over and over he cast off the shackles that had bound his mind and performed magic in ways the so called 'experts' claimed shouldn't be possible.

He also retrieved the other two hallows, summoning them with ease and keeping them with his cloak which he used with great frequency to escape his 'home' to retrieve the things he needed to survive, now that he wasn't existing on alcohol anymore. The longer he studied the undeath arts the more comfortable he became with his own condition till one day he came across a reference to the Master of Death that was not in a children's book.

Apparently the necromancers knew a great deal about the hallows in their day and Harry was more than a little frightened by what he learned. The artifacts were more than what they appeared and if used properly could in fact resurrect the dead and not in the fashion of undeath but actually reach beyond the veil and return the dead to life. This had been done once before and swiftly had gone out of control, Opening a portal into the realm of death itself they had released a plague that had wiped out countless numbers.

The Black Plague had been the result of this magic gone awry and the three artifacts had never been brought together again, their existence falling into obscurity and myth with the destruction of the Necromancers guild some hundred years later. Following this story was the recording of a prophecy concerning the master of death. He was horrified as he read of the day the dead would outnumber the living and rise up to cleanse the earth of the curse of life. Reading this he had thrown the book to the grounds and melted it with a powerful jet of acid.

In this state he was of no mind to work and so did something he did not often do. He sought out company, more specifically, company he could stand. He arrived at the Rook around mid-day hoping that Luna would be home. He thought nothing of seeing the door half open, it was not uncommon for Luna to do. He was absolutely shocked however when he found her body lying broken, beaten and, by the look of her cloths, raped on the floor.

He rushed to her side and begged she still be alive. She was but only barely. Throwing her in a powerful stasis spell he returned to Grimmauld Place and did everything he could to save her. Alas, it was not enough. Her body was too badly damaged from her ordeal for even the best Healer to repair but Harry swore he would not lose her.

For the first time since the cleansing ritual he practiced the necromantic arts on another person. Nothing existed in the tomes he had that would be suitable for his needs, her body was too damaged for any of that and the few spiritual type undead seemed so far removed from the quirky girl he knew he didn't even consider them. Instead he began the creation of a new undead, something mentioned in a few books but never before accomplished.

It took three days and three nights of constant work before the ritual was ready. He laid her body in the center of the circle, canceled the stasis spell and began. Her body burned to fine dust in moments but everything else remained, her spirit and her magic changing in such a way that they were all that was needed for her existence to continue. Luna Lovegood had become the first Magical Ghost.

She was confused at first but adapted to her new condition quickly. She told him of the men who had attacked her, old death eater supporters who didn't care for the things she was writing in the Quibbler. Harry was incensed and with Luna's help proceeded to hunt down the guilty parties and share with them his displeasure.

With each death he became more and more disgusted with humanity in general. The men who had attacked Luna were but a few among those he killed in this crusade. It was difficult to be restrained when he came across the filth that polluted the world with their bigotry and hate. He had never suspected that so many had supported his enemy. It was hardly any wonder why Voldemort had almost won.

Disillusioned with humanity, Harry returned to Grimmauld place with his quest completed and Luna at his side. She decided that since she had been reborn she should be renamed as well. She decided on the name Banshee as her voice had become the primary means with which she used her magic. Harry enjoyed the irony that the voice everyone had ignored could no longer be ignored.

Sick of people and all they represented he threw himself into the study of Necromancy with renewed vigor, forgetting all about the master of death and the prophecy he had read.

A decade past and that was when it began. The first reports of them were of an isolated incident in a place called Raccoon city. He watched the newscast on a TV in a window and chuckled. So it has begun he had thought. That night he put the final touches on a new ritual and made his own jump to undeath, choosing to become a Lich, the first and truest magical undead. His skin turned gray and his hair white but he was otherwise left the same and would remain so forever.

It was a simple thing to cast an illusion when he wanted to go out and he did so with greater frequency as the sightings of undead grew in the America's. He couldn't hide his grin when he saw the first report of sightings in other countries. Germany was the first, and then France, Italy, and Jolly old England were soon to follow.

These undead, these creations of science were like nothing described in any of his research and it took him three test subjects and a full week to fully document everything worth documenting, including the necessary spell to take control of them, the usual ones having absolutely no effect.

As the incursions grew and the hordes grew the magical population finally decided to get involved. Sadly it was the Order of the Phoenix all over again, quickly assembled groups of well-meaning but mostly untrained magicals that were mostly worthless in a fight, particularly against an enemy that did not fear, anything.

It was around this time that Harry heard through the grapevine about the injury of Fleur Weasley, by her own husband no less. The details were sketchy and he couldn't help but be curious so he went to Saint Mungo's where she was being treated for a visit. The Healer on duty tried to shoo him out but a mild compulsion and she completely forgot he was there.

Fleur was screened off from the rest of the patients in the ward and the moment he saw her he understood why. Half her face was nothing more than a massive painful looking burn which extended down her neck and under the sheet. According to the chart most of the left half of her body had been burned by a misaimed fire spell cast by William Weasley who had died in the attack.

Upon waking, she looked at him for a moment in confusion before her mind put a name to the face.

"Well well well, look who it is" she said in a sarcastic rasping voice.

"Ello Arry" she then said in a voice more reminiscent of the one he knew.

"Hello Fleur" he said, "How are you."

"A perfect example of a stupid question" she rasped.

"I ave been better" she said.

Harry simply nodded and sat down beside her bed.

"Did they tell you about Bill?" he asked.

"No" growled the raspy voice.

"But they did not ave to, It was only by chance that I did not die with him" said the sweet voice.

"They came at us like a swarm of rats, hideous, horrifying, we all panicked" she rasped ruefully.

"William tried to fend them off with fire but it wasn't working. He started spraying it around in a frenzy, he must not have seen me" she said, tears beginning to fall from her good eye.

"I saw the one that tackled him take a chunk out of his neck before I tripped on that trash bin. Something must have set off my portkey because when I woke up, I was here and screaming my lungs out" said the raspy voice.

"There is nothing they can do?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Non" she said.

"But it doesn't stop the bastards from keeping me alive" she snarled.

"Arry" she said plaintively, reaching her burnt hand from beneath the covers and reaching for him.

He could see the motion pained her and he took her hand in his without even the slightest flinch.

"Will you do somesing for me Arry?" she asked weakly.

"What?"

"Kill me" she replied.

"The potions they give me barely dull the pain enough to keep me from screaming with every breath" she growled.

"They will not let me ave my peace Arry, yet they know there is nothing they can do. Please Arry" she begged, tears streaming freely now.

The little humanity left in him ached for her, but he would not give her up to callous uncaring death.

"I will not kill you" he said.

His reply drew a whimper but he held her hand fast when she tried to pull away, his free hand moving to stroke her hair gently.

"But, if you will let me, I can take away your pain" he said.

Once she was looking at him, he casually dropped his illusion, showing her his true colors.

"What, Arry what have you…"

"I have embraced a new lifestyle" he said in answer to her question, "the un life style."

Her eyes lit up upon realizing what he was saying, "Necromancy."

He smiled at her, "I always knew there was a good brain in that pretty little head."

"You, you can make it stop hurting, truly?"

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

Whether she truly did or not she was suffering and desperate beyond reason. She would have agreed to anything at that point. In the end she became his second big project and second great success in his chosen field. For a time it seemed as if her mind might heal as well, at least until she tried to visit the Weasley's. After that there was no fixing it, Rose and Thorn were born and danced upon the corpses of the entire Weasley clan.

…

"Are they dead yet" asked Thorn, joining him at the window

"Not yet, but it's really just a matter of time" he said as the first of the wizards fell and was quickly swarmed.

"You would think they'd learn" said Rose.

"I want to bathe in their blood" said Thorn.

"I want to make them dance" said Banshee who had stuck her head through the wall to watch.

"Dance, really" rasped Thorn, not believing what she was hearing.

"No one can resist the THRILLER" she said with a manic grin.

Rose giggled at the spirit woman, "Honestly you and your idols" said Thorn.

"At least he's dead" she said.

Harry could only shake his head. It made little difference to him what happened. Regardless what the world did they would never be able to stop this plague but who knew, maybe he would take control of it and establish a little order to the chaos. Or maybe he'd go hunt down the rest of wizard kind and let thorn bathe in their blood. There was even a very good chance he'd let Banshee make them all dance the thriller at some point.

All he knew for sure was, he had nothing but time. Death could not touch him anymore.


	12. 11 Dear Hermione, Dear Harry

Dear Hermione, Dear Harry

…

Dear Hermione

By the time you read this it will be too late to stop me. Yes, I am leaving, I am getting the hell out of England and going somewhere else. I'm not really sure where I'm going of course but I doubt I'll be there long. You see, I'm sick of everyone getting on my case to do what they think I should do so I'm going to do what I want to do, go on vacation, a very long vacation.

I don't doubt you'll think I'm just running away from my problems and maybe you're right, but there my problems and if I want to run away from them I will. The simple fact is I'm just tired of fighting, it seems like it's all I've been doing in some form or another all my life. I need a break, a break from the fighting and a break from all the pushy people who think they know what's best for me.

The package I sent you is a little something I cobbled together, kind of like the vanishing cabinets at least that's where I got the idea. Put a letter in and raise the flag on the side and it will send it to the other box, the one I'm carrying with me.

I don't know if you'll even care to write to me but I'd like to think that you will. Hope to hear from you.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

You are a stupid insensitive prat, and despite that you are still my best friend. You were wrong though, I wouldn't have 'tried' to stop you, I would have stopped you. I suppose you out clevered me this time but don't think you're going to get away with it. I will get even, you best believe I will get even. That said.

Where are you planning to go? Did you pack enough? How are you eating? Are you getting enough sleep?

I know it sounds like I'm harping but I just worry about you. And since I'm not there to make sure you have to take care of yourself and it seems like whenever you go off by yourself you get into trouble. Please Harry, don't be the hero, no matter how much you want to just try to stay out of trouble. For Me.

Sincerely

Hermione Granger

…

Dear Hermione

I don't really know where I'm going, just sort of heading in an easterly direction. Yes I packed enough. I'm eating fine. But if that blonde across the way is giving me the sort of look I think she is I don't think I'll be getting much sleep at all.

I'm currently on my way to Amsterdam and no it's not on purpose. I've just been riding the trains to wherever they'll take me and this was just where this train happened to be going. I'm thinking if I ever get board of trains I might try boats next. That could be fun.

Whoop, gotta go, that blonde is walking over her. My but she has the nicest walk.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

You are such a boy. (Please insert as much exasperation as possible into the previous sentence). You say you're riding trains, I imagine that must be a bit nostalgic for you, considering how we first met. As I think back on it I really was a bossy little know it all. I thought because I was so smart everyone should listen to me and do what I said. Of course back then I had no idea really what it meant to be a leader and I understand now I'm really not cut out for that sort of thing. That was always more your speed, you know, when you weren't running off playing lone wolf.

A little update on everyone. Ron has just finished his first year of auror training and is whining almost constantly about the work. Without you here to motivate him I'm not sure he's going to make it. Neville is doing okay though, he's really grown from that timid little boy who lost his toad on the train, we're all very proud of him. Luna is… well Luna, I don't understand half of what she say so it's really hard for me to say how she is but she seems happy so I guess she's okay.

The rest of the Weasleys are about what you would expect, Molly's hovering over anyone who comes close enough, George is running the WWW and I believe is dating Angelina Johnson. Bill and Fleur are still working for Gringotts but I heard a rumor that something is going on with Fleur, I'll need to check on that. Charlie last we heard was fine and still in Romania with his dragons. It may interest you to know that Ginny has begun tryouts for the Hollyhead Harpies. I know she has high hopes and any words of encouragement would go a long way, hint hint.

Sincerely

Hermione Granger

…

Dear Hermione

Please pass on my encouragement to Ginny, however, you are under no circumstances to tell that overly possessive little stalker where I am. Worse than her mother she is. As for that 'thing with Fleur', if I were a betting man I would wager she's probably pregnant. You can let me know if I'm right.

If currently in Germany and have been for about a week. You wouldn't believe how different it is here, and I thought the British magicals were hostile. Fortunately none of them have done any serious fighting in much too long and all my little quarrels have been ended quickly. Funny really since I don't even have a wand anymore. Maybe it's just my bad luck to constantly be accosted by the followers of dark lords. Grindelwalds followers at least are of cultural interest, among other interest.

I got a tip from one of them after I had beaten him bout the head a bit about a secret base they had established in Russia that had been turned into a cache later in the war. Since I didn't really have any direction in mind I've decided to check it out, see if the bastard was lying. That said, I'm not actually sure about the range on these boxes we're using so it might be a while before my next letter.

Give everyone my best.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

I thought I asked you not to get into trouble, honestly. It turns out you were right about Fleur, the whole Weasley family minus Charlie was there for the announcement. It's the first time I've seen George smile since we lost Fred. Of course that wasn't the only thing that was announced that day. By the time you're likely to read this I will be Mrs. Hermione Weasley. I had wanted to wait to see if you could make it to the wedding but Ron insisted. I think he just can't wait to get into my knickers.

Sorry this letter is so short, I've still got so much to do for the wedding.

Sincerely

Mrs. Hermione Weasley (soon to be)

…

Dear Hermione

Congratulations, to both Fleur and you. I'm sure you were the most beautiful bride to ever walk down the aisle. Be sure to tell Ron if he doesn't treat you right I'm going to come back there and fong him a good one for being a prat to his amazing wife.

It turns out that bloke in Germany was telling the truth and after nearly blowing the whole place up I came across a room that was filled with every kind of loot you could imagine. Paintings both magical and non, an entire wall of gold bricks, and magical artifacts of every shape and size. Not to mention boxes and boxes of bombs, I'm staying away from those given my propensity for trouble. I'm currently sorting things out trying to figure out where it all came from and what I should do with it. The gold I'll keep, and no I'm not being greedy, but there's no records here of where it came from and I doubt I could trust anyone to be honest about it if I told them of its existence. Everyone wants more gold after all.

For now that's just going in a special chamber of my trunk and staying there till I think of something better to do with it. That out of the way you'd be amazed how it really opened up the room. Going to be here for a while, in my secret bunker. That just sounds so wicked doesn't it?

Harry

…

Dear Harry

Honestly the things you get into when I'm not around. Of course your right about the gold, people turn absolutely green just thinking about it and can't be trusted to think rationally. I'm very curious though to hear about the art you found. So much was lost or stolen by the Nazi's during the war, it would be nice to see some of it returned.

I hope you're eating enough in your 'secret bunker' (boys, honestly).

The wedding was everything I could have hoped for and I wish you could have been there. Of course Ron got drunk and made a fool of himself but everyone just laughed. A Weasley family tradition they said, if not for the death eater attack Bill would have done it too. I know this might sound a little too personal but I really wish he hadn't been quite so drunk as his 'performance' that night was less than stellar and not at all what I was hoping for.

Alright, now that you've stopped blushing I hope, it's good to hear your enjoying yourself.

Sincerely

Mrs. Hermione Weasley

P.S. Stay away from those bombs Harry, I mean it.

…

Dear Hermione

If I never have to hear about Ron's 'performance' again it will be too soon, thank you for putting that horrifying image into my brain you nasty nasty woman. I also must regret to inform you that in the months since my last correspondence I have been forced to both abandon and destroy my secret bunker. Apparently that bloke in Germany was a bit sore at me and rounded up a bunch of his friends to come after me.

Unlucky for him I had found the secret back door that had been hidden behind all that gold brick so when he and his pals came charging in I was well out of the blast zone. The trigger was remarkable easy to set up and I went back and checked afterwards to make sure I got them all. I did, and let me tell you it was quite a bloody mess. Instead of cleaning it up I just churned up the ground, burying it all deeper where no one would find it then grew a few trees over it for good measure.

I'm currently traveling east again through Mongolia on my way to China. It's a lot of walking but at least the landscape in nice. Hey, anything beats the inside of a broom cupboard. Hope to hear from you soon.

Harry

P.S. concerning that art, watch the papers for a while.

…

Dear Harry

I'm glad to hear that you're okay you crazy lunatic. Of all the things to do with a box of bombs really. Now that I've got that out of my system.

I watched the papers like you said and I really don't know how you did it. Not that I'd expect you to tell me either but really Harry, is subtlety just completely foreign to you. Long lost painting just appearing in museums with little notes attached. I could throttle you, you silly boy. I told Fleur since some of the paintings were French and she just laughed. She's starting to show now and despite that she still looks beautiful. I hope I look half as good when I'm pregnant.

Yes it shouldn't surprise you to know we are trying. Trying, though sadly not succeeding. I'm going to see the healer tomorrow to see if there's anything wrong with me that might be interfering so wish me luck. There's been a lot of discussion about godparents lately which reminded me of Sirius. I only hope whoever Bill and Fleur pick will be a little more present, and perhaps a little less reckless with their life, which I suppose leaves you out. (See, I can make a joke).

And speaking of godparents, I checked in on Teddy the other day. He's doing well just so you know, I can definitely see a lot of his mother in him. I imagine he's going to be a right terror when he gets to Hogwarts. But I've prattled on long enough I think. Hope you're having fun wherever you are.

Sincerely

Hermione Weasley

…

Dear Hermione

Attached to this letter is another letter I'd like you to pass along to Fleur for me. Contained within is a new bit of magic I'm learning and a special gift for the baby when it comes. I've made it to China and let me tell you, the culture shock was enormous. I finally got a look at a calendar recently and boy was I surprised to find it's been three years since I left Britain. Time truly does fly when you're having fun.

The Chinese I've discovered are in many ways very insular, their magicals even more so which has something to do with the communists and someone name Mao but I don't totally understand it yet. It took me a while but I was able to coax my way into a clan called Lee who were most interested in western magic's. In return for teaching them what I know their teaching me about their style of magic.

The letter I sent for Fleur is my first big project with this new magic. Don't worry it won't explode I promise. My teachers are very demanding so I don't expect I'll have much time to write you again for some time. Hope life is treating you well.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

You'll be happy to know that your gift was well received. Fleur was crying for a good ten minutes, the good kind of tears. And the doll was placed in the crib to await little Victoire's arrival. That's her name by the way, Victoire. She arrived late on a Tuesday and was healthy and loud. Her mother couldn't have been happier. It may also please you to hear that I am now pregnant, so long as you don't think about what I was up to in order to get that way.

Some bad news, I'm afraid Ron washed out of auror training. Without you here to support him he just didn't have what it took. He's working for George now though he says he's going to try out for the Cannons when tryouts come around. Whenever he says that I just smile and nod, they haven't improved any since you've been gone and I really never will understand his loyalty to them. I personally am working to complete my transfiguration mastery and hope to have it done before the baby comes.

From what I saw of Fleur's pregnancy I'm actually hoping to have it done sooner but I'm afraid that's probably not going to happen. Look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely

Hermione Weasley

…

Dear Hermione

Sorry that it's been so long since my last letter but you would not believe how busy I've been. Life with the Lee's is very strict and out time very regulated. While I don't deny that I've enjoyed learning this new style of magic I will not miss the rigid schedule one bit. That's right, I've just recently left, saying my goodbye's to the Lee's and setting out again to wander.

I imagine by now you're baby has already been born and have included on the back of this letter a gift. Sorry I couldn't get it off sooner but I hope they enjoy it anyway. I'm heading into the Bayankala mountain range which seems to have a lot of interesting folklore surrounding it, even tales of a cursed training ground which I'm hoping to find and examine.

It's amazing really the more I learn the more I wonder about how these different means for performing magic came about. Perhaps when I've time I'll look into it, who knows, I might even write a book someday, now wouldn't that be something.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

Your gift has been an absolute godsend, I cannot thank you enough. My daughter was born red in the face and screaming her lungs out. We called her Rose and I said it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. I have since come to reconsider that. I never knew how difficult it could be to have a child and Rose I'm thinking is an exceptionally difficult child. Getting her to sleep has been a trial which has been greatly reduced thanks to the music box you sent. I don't know what magic you put on it but so far it is the only thing we've found that will put her to sleep.

Molly says she's just spirited. I should very much like to tell Molly to shut up. No doubt she has more experience raising babies but she isn't the one who has to deal with Rose twenty four hours a day.

I'm sorry, I know I must sound like a horrible mother and I really do love her it's just it's been a rather trying couple of months and Ron has been of no help whatsoever. He comes home from work sits in his chair and pulls out a Quidditch magazine or turns on the wireless and demands to know when dinner is. I've very nearly hexed him on more than one occasion recently.

And don't even get me started on the headaches. There are days I can barely stand to get up my head hurts so bad and I refuse to use more than one pain relieving potion per day. I will not become some drugged up idiot, I won't.

So, how was your day?

Sincerely

Hermione Weasley

…

Dear Hermione

I've sent you a gift on the back of this letter. It will help with the headaches and is not in the least bit harmful or addictive, the instructions are with it. The gift comes from a group of amazons I've been staying with recently. Yes you read that right, Amazons, members of a female warrior society. Unlike the ones of Greek fame these do have men around but it is still the women who are the warriors and the leaders. It has been an experience.

Apparently it is custom that when a man defeats a woman in combat she must give him what is called the 'kiss of marriage'. By tribal law they are then married. Unfortunately I find myself highly sought after for some reason and it has taken considerable skill and cunning to evade them and keep from joining the tribe in a more permanent fashion.

This seems to amuse the elders who have set me up with the herbal lore master to study. So Pu is a demanding teacher while at the same time being an eager student, devouring the knowledge I have acquired in my travels and the things I learned in school (which really wasn't much). Normally it is forbidden to share Amazon secrets with outsiders but I think it amuses them to watch me dodge my would be suitors so they let that slide. I understand there is a betting pool on which girl will eventually get me. Best money right now is on a lovely woman named Ha Nee. More on that as it develops.

I'm sorry to hear your husband is such a prat. If I were there I'd straiten him out for you but since I'm not, maybe you should see if McGonagall has some free time.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

Thank you for the incense, it's really helped. Rose thanks you too as it seems to help with her teething pain as well. I had to laugh when I heard about your romantic 'predicament'. I suggest you just pick one and be done with it before one of them catches you. I know you can't hear me but I'm still laughing.

Sad to say however that Ronald has not improved with the arrival of your gift and eyed it suspiciously the first time he saw it. When I told him it was from you he looked angry and walked away in a huff. I don't understand what he was upset about and he refuses to talk about it so I just make sure it's put away before he gets home from now on.

I saw Neville the other day, he was walking through Diagon Alley with, and you'll never guess who, Luna Lovegood on his arm. He was smiling, she was smiling, and there was a very noticeable ring on her finger. I had to go over and gush a bit, Luna just smiled that same old smile though I'm pretty sure there was a bit more behind it than usual.

Of course word got out and it was in the Prophet the next morning. Neville's become quite the well-respected auror, he's expected to make captain very soon. Of course when I brought this up around Ron he just tsked and went back to his magazine.

Oh, one other bit of news, WWW has opened up a new shop in Hogsmead. The business is doing very well and from the looks of things George and Angelina are as well. It wouldn't surprise me to see a ring on her finger very soon. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely

Hermione Weasley

…

Dear Hermione

Give my best to Neville and Luna, the gift on the back of this letter is for them. Sorry about the length of time since my last letter, I had to leave the Amazons rather suddenly as the women had grown tired of my dodging and decided if one of them couldn't pin me down, they'd do it as a group. This new tactic saw me packing up very quickly and leaving with all due haste, sadly tailed by a bunch of man hungry Amazons. It took every trick I knew and a few I had to make up on the fly to finally lose them.

Of course that doesn't mean I'm traveling alone now. Shortly after evading my would be spouses I stumbled into another group from another tribe that inhabit the Bayankala mountains. The musk is essentially the opposite of the amazons being a culture of warrior men. The three I met had never even seen a real woman. I can only imagine what would might happen if they met the ones chasing me.

After a bit of talk I discovered they were on a quest, searching for one of their tribes lost artifacts. Curios, I have decided to accompany them. The Prince, Herb, is grateful for my company as his two companions Mint and Lime, while both strong and capable warriors are not terribly bright and make for poor conversation.

As I write to you we are on a ship headed for Japan where Herb believes we will find someone who will be able to help us. This is my first time on a boat and I must admit I am enjoying it greatly. Wish you could see it.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

You can keep your boats thank you very much, I get seasick very easily and right now I don't need any help being sick. I once again find myself with child and it seems this one is making up for the morning sickness I missed when I was pregnant with Rose. Molly has practically moved in with us for the duration as most mornings I find myself completely useless and unable to care for myself let alone Rose. I will be more than happy when this one arrives as I am sick of being sick and sick of Molly and her coddling.

Hope you're doing better than me.

Sincerely

Hermione Weasley

…

Dear Hermione

The package with this letter should help with the morning sickness, it's an amazon special.

We've just made land and let me tell you, wow. I'll give the Japanese this much, they certainly do build some mighty tall buildings. Herb seems eager to be on our way and I write this as we walk which is no easy feat even with magic. We're headed for a place called Nerima where Herb believes there is someone who can help us. I don't really know as I'm just along for the ride and enjoying the scenery. Oh look at that bit of scenery there, my what a very short skirt.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

Firstly, you are such a boy. Secondly, the incense was just what I needed, thank you. I can't write much but I just wanted to say that. Molly is hovering nearby and I really don't want to deal with another one of her lectures. I don't care what any of them say, I am not having another.

Sincerely

Hermione Weasley

…

Dear Hermione

I apologize that it has been so long since my last letter, six months now if I'm not mistaken. Firstly, you'll be happy to know that the quest was successful, though more than a bit of a mess at the end, and I have parted ways with Herb and his retainers.

I am currently the guest of the Asakura family, a clan of powerful mystics. I have decided to remain here for a time and learn what I can. The grandson Yoh reminds me very much of Ron in many ways but without the attitude problems, he is very slothful and prone to laziness when he doesn't have someone else around to kick him in the butt. This seems to be the primary job of his future wife Anna. Given their age I thought it a bit odd but held my peace. It wasn't my place to judge.

I have to go now, I begin training with the elder Asakura in the morning and if living with the Lee's taught me anything, it's that teachers are evil and like to make you suffer.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

Hugo. Our son is named Hugo. Ronald named our son Hugo. I was so tired after the birth I didn't know what was going on. When I was finally coherent again I discovered my husband had named our son. If I hadn't been so tired would have throttled the bastard. Still, he is healthy and I suppose that's what really matters. And given his propensity for eating I imagine he'll be very 'healthy' as he gets older.

Rose doesn't really know what to think of her new brother yet but she does agree with me on the name. Ronald just plays the victim as if he is the one that is so put upon. There are days I would just like to kick him in the head and see if it won't make him a bit smarter. I expect this sort of behavior from the children but not a grown man. Some days he's worse than the two of them combined.

On the bright side anyway Molly has gone back to the Burrow. I finally have my house back.

Sincerely

Hermione Weasley

…

Dear Hermione

First I'd like to apologize that it's been three years since my last letter. As it turned out the Asakura's had some rather interesting and powerful enemies and by no fault of my own I was dragged into the conflict. Unfortunately my half of our little system was a casualty and it is only recently that I have had the time to finally rebuild it.

So much has happened so I'll stick to the important details, for starters, where I am. I am currently in South America touring the old temples and sacred places of the Mayan's, Aztecs, and other ancient cultures of the continent. After what was for me a three year running battle I decided it was time to play tourist for a while. I am currently making every effort to stay out of trouble.

So I'm sure in a few days I'll probably unleash some unspeakable evil into the world and spend the next six months trying to put it back. Anyway, for now, not dead, hope to hear from you.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

I'm not ashamed to admit I cried when I saw your letter. I had feared the worst for so long I was finally starting to accept that I would never hear from you again. At the moment you are the only light left in my life. My children, despite my best efforts, are taking after their father who has only gotten worse over the past three years. It's a small wonder he still has a job and I think the only reason George hasn't fired him is because of me. Bless him for that.

I have been reduced to the position of maid and nanny in my own home as lifting his own wand to help is too much of an imposition for my husband even when his children are screaming for attention he can't be bothered to put down his magazine. I'm at my wits end and to top it all off we have a new dark lord. Yes you heard me, another one. He doesn't have Voldemort's power or following, yet, but things are not looking good right now.

Harry, I wish you were here. I feel like a tree standing alone at the top of a mountain with everyone trying to push me over. I could really use some support right now.

Sincerely

Hermione

…

Dear Harry

My husband is dead. The dark lord, calling himself Vaximos, attacked WWW today. According to reports Ronald came stumbling out of the back room with his trousers down round his ankles followed by some girl with half her cloths missing. By the sounds of it he managed to get a few spells off before Vaximos killed him, and I think that was only because they were too busy laughing at him.

In the end it was Neville who drove him off but it was a close thing. Vaximos is apparently more powerful than originally thought and people are getting very scared. I've taken the children to Molly. I can't deal with them right now as I refuse to just stand by and do nothing while this madman runs around the country murdering people. Perhaps that makes me a bad mother as Molly was quick to say but if so then fine, I'm a bad mother, and a bad widow as well since I couldn't even shed a single tear when I heard of his death.

Harry, I know I shouldn't be asking this but, please come home. We need you.

I need you.

Sincerely

Hermione

…

Dear Hermione

While I'm sorry to hear about Ron, I can't really say I'm surprised. And No, I do not think you are a bad mother, no matter what Molly Weasley says.

I am also sorry to say that I cannot, will not return to Britain while there is a dark lord mucking about and it's not because I'm afraid, far from it. My story has already been told, it is now time for a new hero. On the back of this letter you'll find a special little something. Give it to Neville and tell him the next time he sees your dark lord to throw it at him. Also under no circumstances can he himself use any magic on it.

I'm sorry Hermione, but I won't let them trap me in another cage of The Man Who Won, it was hard enough escaping the first one.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

You are a selfish, self-centered cretin and I wish you were here so I could ring your neck, then hug you and cry and tell you never to leave me again. Please Harry, please come home. I miss you so much. I don't care about the dark lord I just want you back. I never realized just how much I needed you in my life till I didn't have you. Please, please come home.

Hermione

…

Dear Hermione

When the dark lord is dead, only then will I come Home.

Harry

…

Dear Harry

Hey Harry, Neville writing. There's really no good way to say this so I'll just say it. The dark lord is dead. I don't know exactly what she did but it sure was spectacular to see. I can honestly say I have never seen such an awesome and one sided fight. Oh Vaximos got his hits in but it was like she didn't even feel them. I still don't know what that little pink ball was she threw at him but whatever it was it did the job. Unfortunately by the time we got to her the drain on her magic and all the blood she'd lost had taken its toll. She's in Saint Mungo's now but we're not sure if she'll ever wake up.

I read your last letter Harry. So, be seeing you soon then?

Neville

…

The ward was quiet in the dead of night, the only sound the breathing of its only patient. His footsteps were silent as he approached her bed. He pulled back the curtain and got his first look at her. She looked peaceful laying there, her bushy hair splayed out across her pillow, a brush lay on the bedside table.

He approached the sleeping woman, pulling a small vial from his pocket and carefully dripping three drops into her mouth. He didn't have to wait long as her breath quickened and suddenly she shot up in her bed, her eyes wild and panicked.

"Easy, easy there sleeping beauty" he said putting his hands on her shoulders to keep her from falling out of bed.

Her eyes shot to him and she went still. He smiled.

"Harry" she said in disbelief.

"You were expecting prince charming maybe" he quipped, and then gasped as she threw her arms around him and began sobbing against his chest.

"Harry, you're really here" she cried.

"I said I would be didn't I? Nice job on that dark lord by the way"

She laughed between sobs, "If I'd known that's what it would take to get you back I'd have done it sooner. Oh Harry, where have you been?"

"It's a long story" he said, tenderly wiping the tears from her face, "And I look forward to telling you all about it, in epic detail."


	13. 12 Happy Christmas to all

Happy Christmas to all

The Malfoy Yule ball was the social event of the year. Everyone who was anyone was invited and those that were not had to endure the fact being rubbed in their faces. Things were going swimmingly, thought Draco Malfoy, his mother was busy greeting at the door while he made the rounds and his wife was just coming down the stairs and lords what a sight. He had truly lucked out when he'd married Astoria Greengrass instead of that pug Pansy Parkinson. Yes, life was good.

This was what he was thinking while not paying attention to where he was going when he ran into someone, literally.

"So sorry, I was a bit distracted" he said jovially, taking a good look at his victim.

Said victim straitened and turned toward him with an understanding smile. His blood ran cold.

"Oh nothing to worry about, it happens" said Harry Potter.

"Yu...yu, you" shouted Draco, pointing an accusatory finger.

"The letter that comes after T isn't it" he quipped, the man he was with chuckling at the pun.

Draco stuttered absently as his brain tried to catch up. It just wasn't possible. Harry Potter hadn't been seen in Britain in twelve years, not since shortly after his defeat of You-Know-Who. What in the seven hells was Potter doing at 'his' Yule celebration.

"But, it has been good catching up Theo but I think I need to sit for a bit, the leg isn't quite finished putting itself back together you know" he said to his companion and then walked off, a noticeable limp and a cane in one hand.

Theodore Nott chuckled as he walked away then turned to the master of the house.

"Draco, why didn't you tell me you invited Potter?" he said cheerfully.

"Wha, invited" he certainly did not he thought.

"Darling, was that Harry Potter I just saw" said Astoria Malfoy, coming up to her husband with a peck on the cheek.

"Yes, don't worry, I'll get rid of him" Draco assured, not the least bit positive on how he might do that.

"You will do no such thing" she scolded, which surprised her husband, the hits just kept coming.

"But why not, what the bloody hell is he even doing here?" he demanded.

"Well I invited him of course silly" she said with a smile.

"You what?" she did what, he thought.

"Oh yes, I've sent him an invitation every year since we started doing this, this is just the first year the letter actually got to him. Can you imagine my surprise when Pennyworth flies off with the letter instead of flying round my head like he normally did, it's how he tells me someone is out of the country" she explained.

"But, why would you invite Harry Potter?" it just made no sense.

"Why would I invite one of the most famous and potentially influential people of our generation, probably the most powerful wizard in the entire world? Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time" she said innocently, and walked away leaving her husband gaping like a rather comedic fish.

…

"So, there I am, being shaken about like a bloody rag doll in the mouth of this massive cat and all I've got is my staff. Can't cast with it, can't muster up the focus so, what else could I possible do with a big hunk of wood in my hands?"

"I bet I could think of something" called out one the lady's in the crowd which made everyone laugh.

"Well it's a pity I didn't have you there to give me ideas" said Harry which incited another round of laughter, "instead I just start swinging the thing around, hoping that I get lucky. Of course the cat is not amused by my flailing, you can just see it in his eyes, really, you're really gonna swing that stick at me, what are you stupid or something? The answer of course was yes because I just kept on swinging."

"So, how'd you get away?" asked the little girl at his feet.

"Well I'll tell ya, after all that swinging I finally get in a good hit, right tween the eyes. I don't think it really hurt so much as surprised it but it was enough to make it let go. Of course it was still swingin me around when that happened so I went flying into the air without the aid of a broom and you know what they say, what goes up must come down and down I did come, right on top of it."

It took a moment before people realized he was being serious that they started laughing.

"Only you Potter" said Blaise Zabini between guffaws.

"So, then what happened" asked another of the children assembled at his feet.

"Nothing, that was it, I broke its neck when I landed on it and good thing to, I'm not sure I could have taken much more of that cat and mouse game" he admitted.

The little pun set everyone off again which simply made Draco fume in the background. Every one of his guests was gathered around stupid Potter listening to his ridiculous stories and laughing at his stupid jokes. That should have been him getting all the attention, him telling the stupid jokes and everyone laughing. This night couldn't possibly get any worse, he thought. Of course as we all know, whenever someone thinks such a foolish thing, the universe takes it as a challenge.

"Draco. Draco come here" his wife commanded him, standing away from the crowd with his mother who looked anxious.

"What is it?" he asked sullenly.

"Apparently word got out of our unexpected guest" his mother said evenly.

"So?" he retorted childishly.

"So, HE is coming" said his wife.

"Who?" he asked, not really caring.

"HIM!" they said together with as much emphasis as possible.

It took his brain a moment to process what they were saying and for the second time that night all the blood drained from his face. HIM, being the new dark lord, Varxis. HIM being the man Draco was currently in the service of. HIM was going to kill him when he arrived to find him entertaining the infamous dark lord slayer.

"We have to get him out of here, the dark lord will have our heads if he finds Potter here" he panicked.

"There's no time, he's on his way now" said Astoria.

"What are we going to do" he was ready to cry.

"I" said his mother "shall wait at the door. I suggest you prepare our guests for his arrival."

She wasn't looking at either of them when she said it and Draco seemed to be trying very hard not to wet himself so Astoria took the initiative.

"Everyone, attention, your attention please, I've just received word that our last guest is on his way" she said nothing in her tone betraying any anxiety or fear, but all present save Harry caught on to her true meaning immediately.

"Oh, who's that then?" asked Harry with hones curiosity.

"Someone who would very much like to see you Harry" she said, a bit of graveness in her tone.

"It's not Ginny Weasley is it cuz it's in no small part because of that little psycho stalker that I got out of Britain in the first place."

This elicited a reserved chuckle from the crowd who had gone eerily somber.

"No Harry, It's not Ginny Weasley" said Astoria.

"Oh, well, that's okay then" said Harry, happily reclining in his chair and sipping his wine.

As if on cue the sound of the door opening echoed throughout the room and everyone turned, except Harry.

"My Lord, so good to see you" the voice of Narcissa Malfoy resounded throughout the room.

"Really Madam Malfoy, how could I possibly miss the biggest social event of the year" came another voice that seemed to make the crowd cringe.

Harry's caught his first sight of the man as he entered the ballroom, trailed by Narcissa Malfoy.

"My friends" he greeted with much energy.

"My lord" came the murmured reply

"Harry Potter."

"Present" replied Harry, "sorry I didn't stand and say hello, it's a bit of a challenge with this leg right now" he explained.

"Not at all, no need to 'stand' on ceremony" said the dark lord.

Harry chuckled, "funny guy."

Sweeping past the timid crowd he took the seat opposite the one Harry had chosen and gracefully sat down. A glass of wine appeared in his hand a moment later and the elf was gone without ever being seen. Most efficient.

"So, Harry, may I call you Harry?"

"I see no reason why not."

The dark lord nodded magnanimously, "Harry, I must say I was surprised to hear of your appearance tonight. Most people believed you had left Britain forever."

"While I won't deny there is little here to entice my return, circumstances were such that it was just easier to come back for a while than continue as I was" he said.

"And what exactly were you?" inquired the dark lord.

"I was, on vacation."

"Vacation?" said the dark lord a bit skeptical.

"Oh yes, a well-deserved vacation I think. You might call this here a vacation from my vacation" he said with a cheeky grin.

"And I suppose you slay dragons and wrestle Nundu on this vacation."

"Also tame wild Veela, dance with Dryads, and put kinks in the tails of Kitsune" he said.

The dark lord looked at him appraisingly, then, to the shock of all present, burst out laughing.

"Well met Harry Potter, well met indeed."

The crowd watched in fascination and horror as the two powerful men chatted like old friends. Harry seemed more than happy to share tales of the places he'd been and the strange magic's he'd learned while there.

"But it's the Peruvians that really have the best illusory magic's. I met a man, called himself Quizquiz, he could create a room full of gold, real to the touch that you could take with you and have for weeks. And while I won't claim to be half the illusionist he was I like to think I do alright."

"Truly, I've little experience with such magic's myself, perhaps a demonstration" said the dark lord.

Harry sat for a moment thinking, then closed his eyes and focused. The room grew dark till the only light came from the hearth which crackled and popped ominously. Just as they were starting to believe that was it, a small group of embers rolled out of the hearth. Everyone watched in fascination as the embers changed into small animals made of glowing embers. The cat and dog began to fight each other, growing larger in the process while the bird flew off toward the ceiling, gaining size as it gained altitude. Crashing into the ceiling the bird exploded into hundreds of smaller birds who went about crashing into everything, setting the whole room alight while the cat and dog had grown to monstrous proportions and were engaged in an epic battle that tore the floors to charcoal.

Everyone was panicking by the time a massive head emerged from the fire. Shaped like what could only be some manner of dragon, its huge neck extended out to the ballroom floor and with a huge gulp of air it expelled an inferno upon the quarreling beasts which vanished under the enormous flame. Its duty done the head recoiled and vanished back into the hearth.

The entire room was ablaze but none could find the iron to move, except the dark lord who began to laugh and clap.

"Well done Harry, marvelous" he said.

And just like that the spell was broken, the illusion disappeared leaving the room exactly as it had been. The crowd breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Truly fantastic Harry, you know, when I first heard you were here I must admit this was not what I expected."

"And you sir are a far cry from the last dark lord I was acquainted with" said Harry.

"But of course. We must learn from the foibles of those past that we might do better, wouldn't you agree."

"Indeed" he did agree.

"So, we come to the crux then, me a dark lord, you a dark lord slayer."

"Ex dark lord slayer" corrected Harry, "while I cannot condone what you do on principle, it really isn't my job to do anything about it."

The dark lord grinned, an evil sort of look, and rose from his seat.

"Really, I had so been hoping for some sort of epic duel this evening, how disappointing."

"Perhaps some other time" said Harry, unconcerned.

"Sadly, I think not" he said, his wand suddenly in his hand, "Avada Kedavra."

The green light appeared in an instant and struck the unsuspecting Potter before he could as much as blink. His form slumped in the chair, lifeless.

"Such an interesting, naïve man" said the dark lord, turning toward the door as if to leave.

He took but a single step and froze, swaying for a moment before falling face down on the floor. The dagger in his back appeared a moment later.

"What, but, where the hell did that come from?" exclaimed Draco.

Astoria however looked pleased, "Harry, where are you?"

As if summoned, Harry Potter appeared standing over the dark lord while in the same instant the 'dead' Harry Potter vanished as though he'd never been.

"What, Potter, but, what the bloody hell is going on here" demanded Draco.

"Really Malfoy, language, there are children present" said Harry and he reached down and pulled the glowing dagger from the withered husk that had once been the dark lord.

One of those children boldly stepped forward, "So, it's over, he's really dead?" asked the little girl that had been sitting at his feet earlier.

"Yes sweetie, it's over. And unlike certain other dark lords" he said, sliding the dagger back into its sheath with an audible click, "this one will not be making a return."

"Well done Harry" said Astoria, "you know, for a moment there I actually thought he got you."

"What, Astoria, you were in on this" said Draco turning to his wife accusingly.

"In on it, she planned it" said Harry.

"You shut your filthy mouth Potter, my wife would never" he started.

"The Hell I wouldn't" she interrupted, "You may not realize this husband but most of us had no interest in seeing another dark lord come to power."

"She's right" said Theodore Nott, "after the mess the last one left we certainly didn't need another mucking about torturing and murdering left and right."

"Of course, none of us had the power to stand against him" said Blaise Zabini, "and the only people who could have were either out of the country or enslaved to that oaf Weasley. Such a terrible waste that."

"So when I saw Harry the other day when I was out shopping, I took a chance" said Astoria looking terribly pleased with herself.

"And it paid off" said Harry, "while I've never gone looking for trouble it's never had a problem finding me and I've gotten a lot smarter in how I deal with it over the years. To put is simply, I've changed."

"And we are all grateful for it" said Narcissa.

"You too" accused Draco, turning on his mother.

"Don't act so surprised. After everything we lost because of the last dark lord, why on earth would I want my only son supporting another?"

"And besides, what's done is done" said Harry, "and with that, I bid you all a fond farewell and a Happy Christmas."

And without another word, Harry Potter vanished before their eyes.


	14. 13 Game of Shadows

A Game of shadows

Harry Potter awoke slowly, the pounding in his head making it difficult to willingly return to consciousness.

"I am never drinking again" he grumbled, not for the first time.

Opening his eyes, he saw nothing but a haze which could only mean one thing.

"Shiiiiiit, I lost my glasses again" he groaned, he really hated when he did that.

"Looking for these" said a voice to his right

He turned his head toward the speaker and was rewarded with his glasses being slipped clumsily onto his face. His vision clearing didn't improve his mood as much as he thought it would. Standing in a semicircle before him were three men in various demon style masks. It was at this point that he finally realized his primary discomfort was due to the fact he was tied to a chair. Well fuck.

"Surprised" said one of them.

"I probably should be, unfortunately I'm still to hung-over to really muster up any surprise" he said, making an effort to struggle against his restraints.

"Oh I wouldn't bother struggling, we enchanted the ropes" said another one proudly.

"That so" he said disinterestedly but ceasing his futile efforts.

"I suppose you're wondering why we captured you" said a third, this one wearing the mask of a red demon which usually denoted the leader of a group according to past experience.

"Not really."

He kept on talking as though Harry hadn't spoken, "You see the dark lord is most displeased with your recent activities, all the trouble you've been causing his servants as they fulfill their duties."

"You idiots have been coming after me since I returned to Britain and you'll excuse me if I can't find any sympathy for people who torture and murder" said Harry with surprising calm.

"We are only cleansing the filth from this world, you are a wizard, why can you not understand that" he shot back, his temper showing.

"Wizard, meaning the wise one, you're right I am a wizard, you on the other hand are a pathetic little magician following around a genocidal madman."

Harry saw the strike coming but didn't flinch, taking it like a man and grinning when the fool rubbed his tender hand afterward.

"I don't think you understand your position Potter, it would be wise to show a little respect" he said angrily.

"I'm showing as little respect as I can already" he quipped with an infuriating grin.

The red mask shook with fury and angrily gestured at him. The others descended on him with their fists and began an all too familiar process of bruising every part of him they could easily reach. He took the beating stoically, he'd been taking them for as long as he could remember and this bunch wasn't even that good.

The red mask, satisfied his point was being made walked over to a table where all of the things Harry had been carrying were laid out. It was an odd collection, a large beaker of unknown potion, a stylized golden eye, and the strangest deck of cards any of them had ever seen. Each one had a different picture on it, some were of mundane looking things like a Swiss army knife or a broken bear trap but most had images of what could only be called monsters on them. A giant spider, a green skinned Cyclops, a strange sort of dragon, and each was surrounded by peculiar runic script while the back was covered with what looked like a highly complex ritual circle.

"Such strange artifacts you carry around with you Potter, a pity you hadn't the sense to include a wand among them" said the red mask.

"Why limit myself?" he said, bruised but hardly broken as his beaters stood panting for breath.

"Limit, what on earth are you speaking about? The wand is the greatest of a wizards tools. " demanded the red mask.

"Nothing but pathetic twigs and animal droppings you lot so brainlessly covet" he replied.

The fury was back, he could tell by the heavy breathing coming from beneath the mask.

"I'll show you pathetic" he snarled, drawing his wand, "Crucio!"

Harry's body tensed, but he didn't scream or even twitch but instead, slowly, began to breath and opened his eyes, "Really, that the best you can do? My little nieces could do better."

The killing curse was right on the tip of his tongue but one of the others rushed forward to stop him, "No, Varxis want's him alive."

"Not very smart of him" commented Harry, seemingly oblivious to the danger he was in.

"He simply wants to kill you himself, you won't be getting interfering in his plans ever again Potter" snarled red mask, to which Harry could only chuckle.

"I cannot tell you how many times I've heard that over the years" he said.

Red mask fumed then looked to the table and angrily snatched up one the cards. Lighting the tip of his wand aflame he held the card over it.

"You see this Potter?" he taunted childishly.

"Not way over there" said Harry.

Stupidly he stepped closer so that he was mere feet from his prisoner.

"See it now" he said, lowering the card to the flame.

"Yep, I see it" said Harry with a grin, "DISPEL."

A ring of energy exploded form the card, it's only immediately noticeable effect being to put the fire out.

"What was that" shouted one of them, the one in the blue mask.

"Just a little something called Dispel, can you guess what it does" said Harry, bringing his hands up in front of himself as the ropes fell away.

They didn't really answer but lunged at him which was a mistake as he was up and swinging the chair at them just as quickly. Taking the green mask across the head the chair broke and Harry abandoned his weapon to throw a quick punch at the nearest man who just happened to be red mask. He staggered back and Harry snatched his card away before dashing to the table and by merely running his hand over them all summoned his entire deck into his hand. The eye was next but the flask he left.

"I don't care what the dark lord said, kill him" shouted red mask as a piece of his broken mask fell to the floor.

"Not tonight" said Harry, drawing a card "MILLENNIUM SHIELD" he incanted.

The first round of spells dissolved against the massive gold and red shield. They grew fearful when they heard some sort of incantation being spoken from behind the shield and attacked with invigorated aggression. Ultimately however it was in vain against the defensive power of the Millennium Shield. Their first sign that something was amiss was the darkness the rose up all around them, swallowing the room in blackness.

"What's going on" shouted one of them, hoping that one of his comrades would answer.

"Something you're not going to like" came the answer from Harry instead.

"I didn't know you were so deep into dark magic Potter" taunted red mask, his fear clear for any to hear.

"Not darkness" said Harry, "shadow, welcome to the Shadow Realm."

Foolishly the stopped casting and huddled together against the dark. Foolishly, because this put them all easily within range of Harry's next bit of magic.

"SWORDS OF REVEALING LIGHT."

From out of nowhere swords of pure light rained down around them and they discovered quickly that they could no longer move. Safe, Harry stepped out from behind his shield smirking.

"So, what do you think of 'my' magic boys?" he said.

"You won't get away with this Potter, the dark lord will…" shouted red mask.

"Yes, yes I'm sure the dark lord will put me over his knee and spank me like a bad little boy, honestly you sound like that pathetic whiner Draco Malfoy" said Harry rolling his eyes.

Taking the golden eye, he placed it on his forehead over the third eye where it stuck without effort.

"Now, let's see if you're worth all the trouble you've caused me" he said.

The eye glinted then a beam of light shone forth, covering the captured wizards in its radiance. The wizards began to shrink and shrivel till in their place stood not four wizards, but four gangly limbed goblins, not at all like the ones in Gringotts.

"Goblins, should've guessed" said Harry sourly, "still, if I bind them together they'll made a descent reconnaissance squad I suppose" he said, pulling yet another card from his deck.

"What did you do to us" squealed one, still unable to move but fully capable of speech.

"Just transformed you into your shadow avatars, and now I'm going to bind you" he said, "SPELL BINDING CIRCLE."

The mystical ritual circle appeared below their feet and despite their panic there was nothing they could do.

"It's too bad you weren't something worthwhile really but, at least sacrificing your souls will save me a lot of energy, this is usually such an exhausting activity you know" he said conversationally.

Screaming at the top of their lungs their soul were wrenched from their bodies and shredded into ethereal pieces to power most of the binding ritual. By the time it was over all that was left was a card with a picture of four rather dim looking goblins on it.

As soon as Harry had picked up the card the darkness receded and he was back in the room he had awoken in. Casually he slipped his new card into his deck and after collecting his flask, slipped out the door without a sound.

The house as it turned out was little more than an isolated little cabin in the middle of nowhere so he felt no guilt at all when he summoned a three headed dragon beast and burned the place to ashes. It served no real purpose to do so but it made him feel better. Ever since he'd returned to Britain these jokers had been harassing him.

Apparently, having defeated the last dark lord, the new one decided he was too dangerous to have running around. Of course his men were the same stupid incompetent Purebloods that he had been dealing with since he was eleven and he was much more powerful now. Taking the Millennium Eye from Pegasus had been worth the trouble in the long run and his deck was continuing to grow with every encounter.

After all, everyone had a shadow, the only problem was he usually had to give up a significant amount of his own power to bind them, since a great many of the cards in his deck had been made from the shadows of people he knew. It was the primary reason he didn't carry a wand, most of his magic was tied up in his cards.

Of course it helped that his own shadow was a powerful magic user, a Dark Magician no less. Even more helpful was that his girlfriend's shadow was also a powerful magic user and one who herself was empowered by his mere presence. In a way the relationship of the Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl reflected his own relationship with Luna perfectly.

Thoughts of his girlfriend and her scantily clad shadow of course turned down naughtier paths and anyone watching would have been confused by the apparently random question.

"I wonder what she's wearing right now" he said, then decided to go find out.


	15. 14 Not his Adventure

It's not my adventure

In the forest someone was running. Their lungs burned from the exertion, their legs ached and their head throbbed from lack of oxygen but they couldn't stop running. If they stopped running they'd be caught and if they were caught, well, that didn't even bear thinking about. So they kept on running, despite their bodies protests they kept on running.

…

"Damn it all, you let him get away" screamed an alluring blonde in silky black clothing, her normally sweet voice tainted with anger was shrill like a harpy's cry.

"Do not point fingers Annabelle, it was not I who was charged to detain him" said an aristocratic looking man with a ghastly pale complexion and slicked back black hair.

"So you couldn't have pulled your fangs out of that neck for two seconds and stopped him Dimitri? And I thought you were supposed to be good at multitasking" she shot back.

"I am" he said, "I regularly entertain multiple women in my parlor."

"Uugh, of all the vampires I cold have been saddled with I had to get the dandy" she groused and stomped off.

"Hmph, why I am forced to work with this impossible woman I shall never understand" he said, though quietly enough that the impossible woman couldn't hear him.

"He went this way, come on, if he gets away it'll be both our heads on the chopping block, I assume you do still need yours" she said sarcastically.

"Even if I did not it would be a crime to mar such perfection" he said arrogantly, but followed his unlikely companion none the less.

…

Three auror's looked at the horror before them and blanched. They were professionals though, and could not allow themselves to be distracted by the carnage.

"There were only two of them, they entered through here" said a bespectacled man in a dark blue jacket, pointing to what had once been a doorway but was now just another hole in the wall.

"Subtle, like a trolls B.O." said another, a handsome man in a white dress shirt.

The bespectacled man nodded, " the first one through came in hard, lots of blasters and bludgeoning spells, all power no finesse, the other…"

"Was a vampire" said the only female of the group, an athletic woman with long shaggy blonde hair wearing a worn pair of jeans and a blue jean jacket, as she stood over one of the least damaged corpses examining the neck.

"If that's true then he's breaking the law because he was definitely carrying a wand, he threw around some cutters and a few stunners but it was the other doing most of the work from the looks of it" said the bespectacled auror.

"Dan, look around you, carrying a wand is the least of his crimes" she said, moving on to a different corpse, looking for clues.

"I was just saying" said Dan.

"Say it some other time, where'd they go, and why do this in the first place" asked the third team member.

"I'm an analyst Steven not a Seer" said Dan defensively.

"So analyze and tell me which way they went" said Steven impatiently.

Before the two could start bickering in earnest their captain decided to intervene.

"They went that way, three of them" she said, pointing to a completely missing wall.

"Wait, three, I thought he said there were two" pointed out Steven.

"No, I said two came in. Since they're not here it stands to reason they either got what they came for and left or someone got away and they went after them" said Dan, moving to his captain's side as she gazed out the hole.

"We can ask the first one we catch up to, Steven, change and go after them, Dan and I will be right behind you" she said.

"You're letting me go alone" he said disbelieving.

"What, you need me to hold your hand?" she asked too sweetly.

"On my way captain" he said shaking his head then transforming into a limber looking gray wolf and taking off after their quarry.

"Was that wise letting him go on his own like that Leona?"

"We'll be right behind him" she said, then turned back to the room "but first, I want to know what the hell cause that surge of power that tipped us off. That is not the kind of surprise I want popping up in the middle of a fight."

"Yes captain" said Dan, completely in agreement.

…

The smells of the forest surrounded him, it was like coming home. It was too bad he didn't have time to stop and 'smell the roses' so to speak, but he had a job to do. Despite what some might think Steven was a consummate professional. Like many of the current auror squads he had still been in school during the second Voldemort war and he had seen how bad things could get. His only saving grace was that he was a pureblood sorted Slytherin, the fact that his family was dirt poor and lived no better than some third world muggles was immaterial to the bigots, thank Merlin.

He had sworn after the third time he had seen one of the Muggleborn students tortured in the hallways just for being there that he would never forget, that when he grew up he would do something, make a real difference. Then Harry Potter had come along and saved the day. For that Steven was eternally grateful because it had given him the time he needed to grow up and fulfill that promise. That was why he was an auror, why he was on the first response squad, why he had labored those hours upon hours to master the animagus transformation despite being rather poor at transfiguration.

He had not forgotten, and he would not be distracted.

The smells he was following dropped off to one about a hundred meters out. The two in pursuit had obviously decided on a different mode of transport. That meant they knew where their quarry was headed or had a different means to track him. Either way they were ahead of him. Taking a deep whiff of the remaining scent, he was surprised to suddenly smell another wolf.

Opening his eyes he saw it to, standing not twenty feet away, examining something on the ground. Normally when strange wolves met in the wild they avoided each other, or fought, and this wolf was noticeably larger than him so he'd prefer to avoid the second. The option, he believed, was taken away from him when the other wolf looked up and spotted him. He was very confused when the other wolf gave a bark and looked down at the ground again, as though he wanted Steven to come have a look.

Timidly, so as not to seem aggressive, Steven approached the other wolf who seemed to pay little attention to his posture, much more interested in his other discovery. As soon as Steven was close enough he saw what the other wolf was looking at. It was blood, not a lot but enough to tell him one thing, the person they were after was injured. He breathed deeply the scent, memorizing every unique facet then set his nose to tracking. With this stronger sample the trail became clear almost immediately and with a nod of thanks to the other wolf he was off, chasing down the trail and hopefully, answers.

…

"This can't be right" said Dan.

"It would certainly explain it though" argued Leona.

"But, it's just a myth. No one really believes it's real" insisted Dan, even as he read the blood stained parchment again.

"They said the same thing about the Deathly Hallows" said Leona, knowing Dan had the security clearance to know how the last dark lord was dealt with.

"Well yeah, but…" he wanted to argue.

"It doesn't matter" she stopped him, "whether or not it's real is immaterial what matters is that they think it's real and that being the case, we need to catch up."

"Right" that at least he could agree with, the existence of the Eye of Wedjat however was just too ridiculous and quite frankly terrifying to admit without more solid evidence.

…

He could smell his quarry was near now. The scent of blood grew stronger and then he saw them. They wore khaki pants and a worn gray hoodie which hid their face. At their side was a satchel with a red stain upon it, the scent giving away its nature.

Approaching cautiously, weary of a trap, Steven returned to human form and walked slowly toward the young man leaned against the tree. His run and the loss of blood had obviously taken its toll. He leaned down, taking hold of the satchel intent on moving it out of the way when he felt a wand poke him in the neck.

"One twitch and your head is mush" came the growling rasp from the hood.

"Easy lad, I'm not going to hurt you" said Steven, remaining perfectly still, fully aware of how precarious his position had just become.

The young man coughed, cleared his throat "who the hell are you calling lad" he said in a much higher octave.

Steven looked up into the hood and saw his mistake immediately. The angry young woman looking back at him wasn't terribly pretty, rather plain actually with her pageboy haircut and somewhat boyish face but her eyes, dark brown and hard as stone said she was not to be taken lightly. He figure was slender and with the cut of her cloths what they were it was easy to mistake her for a him.

"Sorry" he said, "wasn't really paying attention."

"I'll say."

The voice was his only warning and he just managed to spin and throw up a shield before the blasting hex hit. It wasn't strong though and his shield exploded sending him rolling.

"Well there 'she' is" said Annabelle, "you gave us a good little run bitch but no more, now hand it over."

"Never" the girl spat, raising her wand.

"Expelliarmus" the wand flew into the air and right into Annabelle's waiting hand, "Anymore futile gestures?"

The girl tried to move but her exhaustion told and she barely managed to struggle weakly.

"Well then" she said advancing.

She had only gone a few feet when she was knocked clean off them by a spell out of nowhere. Landing hard on her back her captured wand went flying right into the casters hand.

"Turnabout is fair play so I here" said Steven, kneeling down by the girl, his wand still on his enemy, "Hey, you okay miss?"

"Helena" she said, glad her hood hid her blush.

"Auror Steven Blackwood at your service" he said with his most disarming smile, "can you stand?"

"Bloody Hell, Dimitri, get your worthless carcass out here" shouted Annabelle, still prone on the ground.

The Auror and his companion were on edge as the ghastly pale man emerged from behind a large tree where he'd been hiding.

"That's a good position for you Annabelle" said the vampire with a vicious smirk.

"Oh go fuck yourself" she growled.

"I take it you two are responsible for that slaughter back there" said Steven, trying to look intimidating while practically holding up the woman on his shoulder, "I suggest you turn yourselves in before I'm forced to subdue you."

"You know, as far as bluffs go that one was rather weak I think" said Dimitri idly scratching itching the side of his nose with his wand, "Accio!"

Steven had been ready for an attack and was taken by surprise when the bag was ripped from Helena's admittedly weak grip and went flying through the air. The vampire plucked the parcel from the air with an aggravating ease as though he were simply fetching the mail. Annabelle seeing her chance vanished in a jet of black smoke and reappeared at Dimitri's side.

"Well, that was far more trouble than it needed to be" she said, giving her partner a hard look.

"Yes well, if you want something bad enough you have to work for it" said Dimitri, obviously not the sort to put any faith in such an idea.

"Let's just go" said Annabelle crossly.

"Yes, let us depart this depressing venue" he said giving a disgusted sniff at the trees and fresh air that surrounded him.

"Now hold on, you two aren't going anywhere" demanded Steven.

"And who's going to stop us" chuckled Dimitri, "You?"

"I am."

Dimitri and Annabelle turned in surprise, taking in the newcomers at a glance. Anabelle scowled.

"Leona!"

"Annabelle" said Leona, "I didn't want to believe the rumors but I suppose I can't ignore them now. You're working for Varxis aren't you?"

"And what if I am, what are you going to do about it?"

The two women stared each other down, their wands at the ready, each waiting for the other to make the first move. Not surprisingly it was Annabelle who fired first, Leona easily batting the spell away and returning in kind. They moved off firing spells at each other, leaving the rest to sort themselves out.

"Well, fun as that could be to watch I think I'll just be on my way" said Dimitri.

"Hold it right there vampire" said Dan holding his wand on Dimitri, "you're not going anywhere."

Dimitri seemed to consider for a moment before tossing a spell at Dan and running for it. Dan dodged the spell and chased after the vampire. Helena could see the auror holding her up was conflicted so she helped him make up his mind.

"Go" she said, taking her weight off him and grabbing her wand, "You can't let him get away, countless lives are at risk."

"Will you be alright?" his concern touched her.

"I'll be fine now go" she commanded with more steel than she truly felt.

He gave her a nod then took off after the vampire and his fellow auror.

Up in the higher branches of the tree a pitch black bird watched events unfold. Its eyes full of intelligence greater than one would expect from such a creature. Should it become involved or should it let events play out. It had already helped the wolf auror find the girl, should it become further involved. No it decided, it would simply watch for now and it did as Helena mustered the last of her strength to come to a flagging Leona's aid.

Yes thought Harry Potter as he watched the three women do battle, this was not his fight to have, this was not his adventure to take.


	16. 15 Letter to Letter (or) Teddy and Vicky

Letter to Letter

"What's that you've got there Mr. Lupin?"

Eleven year old Teddy Lupin looked up at the person speaking to find his head of house looking down at him.

"Just a postcard from my godfather Professor Sprout" he said.

"Oh really," she said, "Your godfather you say, and where might he be right now" she asked kindly, it was always nice when the children felt their family weren't forgetting them.

"Well, according to this he's in Amsterdam" said Teddy innocently.

"Oh… uh, I see" stuttered Professor Sprout, her face going red, "Carry on then Mr. Lupin" she said, making a hasty retreat.

"Who's your godfather then anyway Lupin" asked one of his older housemates.

"Harry Potter."

…

"Harry Potter is your godfather?" squealed the excitable little first year girl.

"Yes, yes he is" said a thirteen year old Teddy, cringing at the girls volume, bloody Weasley's.

"My mama has told me all about Harry Potter, where is he" she asked, practically vibrating with excess energy.

"Hong Kong according to this" said Teddy, flashing his latest postcard, "hope he's having a good time."

"Hong Kong, where's that?"

…

"It's right here" said fourteen year old Teddy Lupin as he pointed out the islands of Japan on the globe his godfather had sent him for his last birthday.

"What's he doing there then?" asked Victoire Weasley, his unofficial shadow.

"Same thing he does anywhere else I imagine?" answered Teddy, not really sure himself.

"Oh" she said, "Do you think he'll come back to Britain in time for my birthday?" she wondered aloud.

"I couldn't say Vicky, I really couldn't" he replied honestly, trying not to sound too annoyed by the energetic little blonde.

"Oh" she replied, sitting for a moment before declaring, "I'm bored."

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

…

"I want you to make them stop staring at me" declared Victoire Weasley, now thirteen years of age and just starting to come into her allure.

"Vicky, if I knew how, believe me I'd do it" said Teddy Lupin, fifteen, as he lay under the tree at the edge of the lake.

"It is not fair" she declared, "I do not want all those disgusting boys staring at me like I was some bit of meat on the table for them to nibble on at their leisure."

Teddy could understand her distaste for the staring. When his metamorph powers had really started coming in the year before he'd had to put up with more than his fair share of gawking. It was irritating and humiliating to have all those idiots staring like you were some kind of freak. Harry had sympathized but been otherwise unhelpful in dealing with the problem, reason being he'd never found a good way to deal with it either.

"Here" said Teddy, tossing his latest postcard to the distraught little veela.

"Your latest postcard from Harry" she said, looking over the mailable picture, "He's still in Japan?"

"Yeah" said Teddy, not about to tell her about the pictures he'd included with this postcard, a lady did not need to see such things, though that didn't stop him from enjoying them.

"Guess he found something to keep him occupied" she said, turning away from the lake toward Teddy.

Turning she caught her toe on an exposed root and with a startled "Eep" fell flat onto Teddy.

The two teenagers looked into each other's eyes completely oblivious to the compromising position they were currently in.

Teddy gulped as Victoire's lips inched toward him, he wanted to protest, really he did, but those eyes, those crystal blue eyes so deep, so entrancing, how had he never seen this before.

"Teddy" she whispered.

"Yes" he replied.

…

"Kiss Me" she commanded.

"Again" whined Theodore Lupin, sixteen, at his girlfriend's command.

"You say that is if you did not enjoy kissing me" she pouted cutely, something she knew from experience would break his resistance.

"With you it's never just one kiss" insisted Teddy, trying and failing to resist her charms, her allure he ignored easily but her innate cuteness was a whole other story.

"Well, unless you can find some other way to distract me" she said, twirling her hair with her finger and coyly batting her eyelashes just as her mother had taught her.

"Uh, got a postcard from Harry the other day" he said, fumbling for his trump card.

The moment it was out it was snatched from his hand by his overzealous girlfriend. The only thing she loved more than her boyfriend was hearing about her idol. Sometimes Teddy had to wonder if she wasn't with him just because it gave her a direct link to Harry. Of course then she'd pull him into an empty classroom and proceed to snog such silly ideas right out of his head.

"He's in Australia."

"Yeah, going on Walkabout" supplied Teddy who had already read the missive from his godfather.

"What's that?"

"Some sort of spirit quest I think, he's still looking for himself" said Teddy, not really understanding the demons that plagued his godfather but being mature enough to know he had them and respect his privacy.

"You think he'll ever find himself" she queried, leaning back against her boyfriend.

"Who knows" said Teddy, "I think he'd have more luck finding a needle in a haystack personally given his track record."

"Teddy"

"Yes Vicky?"

…

"What's the matter Teddy?"

Teddy Lupin, prefect and head boy wore a look of pure stupefaction. He sat listlessly on the loveseat in his private room staring at the wall in front of him. The only evidence to his condition was the postcard hanging loosely from his hand.

Receiving no response from her boyfriend, Victoire Weasley plucked the postcard from his limp grasp and proceeded to read.

She read it, then read it again. Still disbelieving she read it yet again then plopped down next to her beloved.

"He's coming back" she said.

"Yeah, threw me for a loop to" said Teddy, his first action since she'd entered the room, "after all this time I never actually thought I'd get to meet him face to face."

"But, if he's coming back then… then" It took a moment for her brain to reboot and draw the necessary conclusions. Once it had, she smiled her sweetest most seductive smile which she turned on her boyfriend, "Teddy, how much do you love me?"

"Is that some kind of secret girl code telling me I need to write you a poem or something?" he asked, feigning confusion, knowing exactly where she was going.

Where she was going as it turned out was straddling his lap, placing her blossoming bosom right in his face.

"Let me put it zis vay" she said, her French accent coming out because she knew it would make him melt, "I vould love to meet Arry Potter, more than anything I vould love zis Theodore" she cooed.

"Uhuh" he replied, all his will focused on resisting his natural impulses.

"Zo, what would your beloved one ave to do for you to introduce her?"

"Uh, well, I suppose I'd have to think about it" he said, trying to remain cool.

"Oh" she said coyly, then grasped the bottom of her shirt and lifted, up and over her head.

The cloth hit the floor with a muted thud as cloths do but Teddy didn't even hear it. His brain had shut down at the most glorious sight he had ever beheld and only one other thing even crossed his mind.

Thanks Harry.


	17. 16 Secret agent Sentai

Another jaunt into crossover land

A short one this time but a fun little idea, can you spot the other worlds?

Let me know in the comments

...

Secret Agent Sentai

The office was bustling with activity when he strolled in. It was always like that on Monday's, everyone catching up on the work they'd avoided doing Friday as the weekend beckoned now had to be finished. He however had worked over the weekend and was only here because the boss had called him in.

"Good morning Cecilia" he said passing a lovely blonde who blushed at being recognized.

"Good morning James" she said with a titter.

"Rose, you're looking smashing this morning" he said to a redhead in a snappy pantsuit.

"James" she said with a leer and a wink.

Winking back he entered the elevator along with a brunette that he couldn't name. Ten minutes and three floors later the doors opened and Clarice straightened her blouse and stepped out of the elevator. James merely smiled after her and continued on his way up.

His boss worked on the top floor, hardly a surprise, and her personal aide/secretary was in her customary place at her desk.

"And a lovely good morning to you Moneypenny" he said, pulling a rose from inside his coat and offering it to her.

"Well, someone's in a fine mood" she said taking the offering, but hiding the blush.

"And why not, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the women are swooning" he said with a cheeky grin which only made her shake her head, "why shouldn't I be in a good mood."

"That's what you're here to find out" intruded a stern voice.

The sudden appearance of his boss, scowling, put a sudden damper on his good morning.

"I suppose asking how your mornings been going would be a bad idea" he said, following her back into her office.

"Monumentally" she replied sharply.

She waited till the door had swung shut before reaching into her desk drawer and retrieving what looked like a stone rubix cube with the stickers pulled off. To James however it looked a bit different, on each square was a single rune and solving the puzzle would activate the artifact. He knew this particular artifact, had seen it only three other times and knew what it meant when she brought it out.

Taking the cube he began to twist and turn, some of the runes changing as he did so which was to be expected until he came to a point and stopped, then dropped the device to the floor. Except, it never reached the floor as each little flew off in the direction it was facing, spreading out and creating an intricate web upon the walls floor and ceiling. When it was finished the room had become impervious to any kind of eavesdropping magical or mundane.

"Take a seat Harry" she said.

"You know I hate it when you call me that" he said sourly.

"Why?"

"Because it reminds me where I came from" he said, "so what's this all about M?"

Annoyingly she answered his question with a question, "What do you know about the Bandora File?"

"The file containing all information gathered by every intelligence agency we are allied with concerning a Japanese witch named Bandora" he replied, she gestured for him to keep going, "Bandora is considered by most to be the foremost expert and the creation of golems and chimera in the world. Through the use of a device intelligence has dubbed the 'monstermatic' she has fused these two disciplines with rather fantastic results.

Despite being the driving force behind the reorganization of the Japanese magical police force her ultimate goals have always been a bit hazy. Some have speculated she simply delights in anarchy, creating chaos for the sake of creating chaos. At least that was the case before she was married. There's been a lot of speculation as to why she did it but some years ago she left Japan and headed to America. There she met a gangster named Zedd, fell in love and married. That was five years ago.

Between then and now something happened to Zedd, apparently some overzealous MIB agent hit him with a curse that ripped all the skin from his body but didn't kill him. It would have been wiser to kill him. The agent was found three days later broken almost beyond recognition, his entrails ripped out and laid on the ground to spell out the name Zedd.

There haven't been any real significant entries since then."

"Until now" said M, "last night one of the magical agents working for MI5 managed to get off a message to her superior. That agent was found dead this morning. The message indicated that Bandora was in Britain, her purpose, to sell her monster making machine."

"Any idea why?"

"No" she replied.

"Alright, then what does this have to do with me exactly, I'm MI6 not MI5" he asked, not that he really needed to which annoyed him greatly.

More annoying was when M didn't answer but took a small box from the same drawer she had taken the cube from and placed it on the table. He was obviously meant to open it and it would have been childish to just let it sit there but he was still sorely tempted to do just that. Flipping the cover off he reached in and pulled out a familiar looking device. It was octagonal with a golden coin in the center engraved with a symbol most wouldn't have recognized, but he did.

"I'd have thought they'd destroyed this thing" he said, memories of the one time he had used it flooding back.

"As I understand it is standard procedure to do just that when one of their agents dies. Of course, given how the devices are set there would be no use keeping them afterward because no one else could possibly use them. That has been the case since the very first one was created, with one exception."

"This one" he said.

"The only transformation device ever to be used by an agent it was not keyed to. They're still trying to figure out how you did it so I've been told" she said with a smirk.

"Well, good to keep them on their toes" he said with a wry chuckle.

"I believe your mission should be clear double O seven. Find Bandora and her device, and do what you must to eliminate the threat."

"Where do I start looking?" he asked.

Since killing Varxis, an up and coming dark lord he'd not heard anything to indicate anyone else was making a move to fill the void left by Voldemort.

"We believe she is dealing with Astoria Malfoy" said M.

"Malfoy" should have known.

M nodded, "Good luck double O seven."

He accepted his dismissal and took his leave.

So, a powerful dark mage dealing through a Malfoy, it was like Hogwarts all over again, he thought. Just another day in the life of Harry Potter, more often referred to by his code name, Bond, James Bond.


	18. 17 Scarhead and the Squibs

Scarhead and the Squibs

Why was she there? She knew the answer of course, she was there because her children were ill tempered brats who didn't listen. She was there because her husband was one of them. She was there because if she didn't get the hell out soon she was going to murder her family. So she got out, apparated to downtown London and just started walking with no real destination in mind just, away.

Away had turned out to be a small bar near the water but the beer was cheap and no one gave her a second look so she didn't care. She didn't care that the place looked like it had been around since the times when the old potbelly stove in the corner was actually used. She didn't care that the place smelled of smoke and stale beer. She really didn't care that a band was stepping up onto the stage. And she especially didn't care that the singer whose back was turned to the crowd hand the nicest arse she'd seen in a good long while. Nope, she didn't care at all.

"Ladies and gentlemen, and all the rest of you as well" said the bartender over his intercom, "we've got a special treat for you tonight. An old group what got their start right here before they hit the big time has come back for a little visit. You all give a big hand for Scarhead and the Squibs."

The crowd was bigger than she'd realized and every one of them was on their feet screaming when the music started. It was low and heavy at first, like the edge of a storm you just knew was going to absolutely wreck your shit before it was over. When the lead started singing it was slow and quiet but picked up both pace and volume quickly. Then he turned around and her heart nearly stopped.

"Yeah she's a dirty little mudblood" he sang, his voice at times like a roaring scream and at others like the croon of a lover.

**Dirty little mudblood** was a very angry sounding love song and she couldn't help but feel he was singing it to her. **Lightning strikes** was like a battle anthem, a call to arms and the crowd sounded primed and ready to do just that if asked. **My hidden world** was like the telling of a dirty little secret, it made you want to listen no matter how wrong it felt. The crowd just ate it up.

As for Hermione Weasley, she didn't know what to think. She'd taken a walk to get away from her family before she killed them and had ended up finding the friend she hadn't seen in over a decade. Apparently Harry had been busy since they'd last spoken.

At first she'd tried to deny it was him, after all, it had been ten years and he did look a little different. Then he'd sung **Sirius be serious** and all doubt vanished, it was Harry. The song had described in heart wrenching detail that night at the ministry where Sirius Black had died, and she could see even from her place near the back that the emotion of the song was felt by everyone who heard it, they screamed their accolades even as tears rolled down their cheeks.

They finished out the set with **Beware the goat man**. It was really hard, for her at any rate, not to laugh as it painted a none too flattering picture of Albus Dumbledore, and try as she might there wasn't a single thing said that she could refute.

After that the band broke up and headed toward the bar. Most of the crowd followed but she stayed, her own drink barely touched. She wanted to go over there as well, see her friend up close again, see if he even remembered her. But she didn't, her own insecurities made worse over the years married to a neglectful husband convinced her without even trying that it would be a waste of time. More than anything she just wanted to cry.

She never got the chance however when a pair of hands landed on her shoulders and began moving.

"Well now what have we ear" said an unfamiliar voice she presumed belonged to the man rubbing her shoulders, "Now what's a pretty sheila like you doing all alone in a place like this" he said.

It took her a moment to form a coherent response though she mumbled a bit in between moans as the massage he was giving her was leaving her a bit distracted.

"I… I'm married" she finally said though with no force in her voice, what those hands were doing was simply too good.

"He was never good enough for you" he said, his hands caressing along her neck in ways that sent pleasant tingles throughout her entire body.

"How… oooooh, how do you know" she protested between moans, to what he said not what he was doing.

"I know" he whispered into her ear which sent a chill racing down her spine and into her private place.

Then her mind caught up and something she'd been ignoring finally registered in her brain.

"Harry?"

The hands were removed and she turned at last to see what they were connected to.

"Hello Hermione" he said.

It was him, messy hair, glasses, beautiful green eyes and all, it was Harry. She wasted no time on ceremony and lunged at him, gripping him in a Hermy hug that put all Hermy hugs before it to shame. It took her a couple of minutes to calm down and stop trying to squeeze the life out of him but Harry just stood there and waited, his arms wrapping her in a warmth she had almost forgotten.

"Oh Harry, where have you been?"

…

"So what the bartender said earlier, you used to play here?"

"Yep, this is where the band started out, even before I was with them" said Harry, taking a sip of his beer.

"But, why?" she was still trying to wrap her head around that.

"Turns out I can sing, who knew right?" he said with that cheeky grin that just made you want to slap him, god how she had missed that.

"Alright so you can sing, but why here why them, why Scarhead and the Squibs? Are they really…" she felt awkward asking the question.

"Squibs, yep, all three of them, the throwaway's of the wizarding world."

"How'd you meet them then?" her natural inquisitiveness coming back as old confidence returned without her husband to smash it down.

"It was here where I first saw them, back then they were called Gold and mud, not their idea by the way" he pointed out. "Their lead was a nasty bitch, can't even remember her name, with a mediocre voice and incredibly abusive attitude. I happened in here one night heard them play, was not impressed. After their set she saunters on over to my table and tries to chat me up. I'm not interested and get up to leave when the stupid bint pulls a wand and tries to imperious me."

"Bet that went over real well" said Hermione with a chuckle.

"I followed her outside to the back, she wanted me for some manner of debauchery and was stunned when I refused and then took her wand away when she tried to spell me again. Stupidly I didn't watch her hands and she grabbed another wand and tried to kill me. Instead I banished her into the wall and ended up killing her. I tried to feel bad about it but honestly, it was like trying to feel sorry for killing Voldemort, the world was a better place without her."

"I don't think some witch with a bad attitude quite ranks on the same level as a genocidal dark lord" said Hermione.

"Maybe" he said flippantly, "but I didn't give it much thought. I was wondering what to do with the body when the rest of the band showed up. To my surprise they were thrilled by her sudden demise. It took a bit of explaining but I finally understood why. Seems she'd had them all under some kind of magical control for years working as her personal slaves. With her dead they were free, but free to do what they had no idea."

"So how did you get from there to here?" she asked.

"Not really sure, after we dumped her body in the channel we all went and got good stinkin drunk. Woke up the next morning passed out in the dining room of black manor with a hangover to kill a hippogriff. With no idea what to do or where to go I let them stay. Turns out their musical talent had nothing to do with magic and one day while they were playing they convinced me to try and sing. I think they figured we'd all have a good laugh about it but to their surprise and mine, I could. It wasn't great but with some practice that changed."

"So then what happened?" she asked, fully into the story now.

"We started playing the bars around London. Mostly covers of other songs but bit by bit we started working more of our own stuff in, seems I not only had a voice for music but a lifetime worth of inspiration to write about. Eventually we got lucky and one of the bigger producers discovered us and it's just been all uphill from there" he finished.

"All uphill huh?" she did not look convinced.

"Lots of hard work but the view is steadily getting better" clarified Harry, his metaphor making her smile.

"It's good to hear you haven't let it go to your head" she said playfully.

"Who, me, never" he said with a coy smile.

They both had a good laugh at that.

"So, what have you been up to, ruling the magical world by now I should hope" he said.

"Hah, I can't even get my own children to listen to me, not to mention my husband, forget anyone else" she said, suddenly remembering why she had wandered into the bar in the first place.

"Ron I can understand, he always was rather worthless when ya get right down to it" said Harry, which surprised Hermione a little, "but why so much trouble with the kids?"

"Because they take after their father and think that since he doesn't have to listen, they don't" she replied.

"They've told you this?" he asked.

"Right to my face" she growled.

"Wonder who put that idea into their heads" he said sipping his beer, not actually expecting an answer.

"I'm pretty sure it was Molly" she said, "every time she's around they're the perfect little angels and she's always going on about how wonderful her little boy is so of course they should be just like him. Course she has nothing good to say about me these days. Your house is such a mess Hermione. Are you sure you're feeding them enough Hermione. Well in my day Hermione. I am positively sick of that woman."

"I imagine that's why the rest of her family got out of the house as fast as they could" mused Harry, remembering some of the things Charlie and Bill had once told him.

"I just don't know what to do anymore. I can hardly stand to look at my own family. What am I supposed to do Harry, I feel like a servant not a wife or mother, I'm at my wits end" she yelled, then dropped her head rather forcefully to the table, "Ow" she said with a sob.

Harry rubbed her head trying to comfort her. He knew what she needed to do and he also knew she wouldn't like it as it would imply she had failed at something.

"I believe the word is 'Divorce'" he said nonchalantly.

"What" her head sprang up.

"You can't stand to look at them, the situation is not going to improve, so get out, Divorce" he repeated.

"But, I can't just, I mean I…"

"Hermione" he said, forcing her to look him in the eye, "I know you don't like to hear it but marrying Ron was a mistake. Deep down you know that but your pride won't allow you to accept it but you have to."

"But, what kind of mother just abandons her children, I know their rotten little monsters but I'm still their mother" she protested.

"And they treat you like their maid, not their mother" said Harry, she tried weakly to protest again but he steamrolled over them, "Hermione you tried but at this point staying isn't going to help anyone. They aren't going to change so long as your still there and so long as you're still there you are going to be miserable. You know I'm right."

In the logical part of her brain yes, she did, but that wasn't the part that was arguing.

"But, what will I do, you know in the magical world divorce simply isn't done, no one will ever speak to me again" her eyes were welling up and her voice was wavering.

"I'll talk to you" said Harry, gently wiping a tear from her cheek, "and so will anyone else who knows what it's like to put up with Ron."

And there it was the choice she had to make. What should she do? What could she do?

What she did was bury her face in Harry's chest and cry. Cry because she knew he was right and she had been wrong. Cry because she had wasted a decade of her life dedicated to a man who didn't appreciate her. But mostly she just cried because she needed to, and for the first time in a long time, there was someone there for her to cry on.


	19. 18 Now for something totally ridiculous

And now for something totally ridiculous

It was a dark autumn evening. A cool breeze kissed his cheek like an errant lover as he stared out at the city, his city. It was the one true constant in his life, his city, she was always there, always needing him. He was the Green eyed Wiz, protector of the city of London and all the people in it. He had sworn a pledge to do all in his power to keep it safe and his power was not inconsiderable so he could do much.

Tonight however the agenda was already set. A lunatic was on the loose. He'd missed her before but tonight would be different, tonight he would have her, so sayeth the Wiz.

He was completely still as he extended the reach of his inner eye outward, looking for her. She was a crafty one, meticulous and cunning, but also playful and whimsical. It was those qualities that would allow him to find her and she would wait for him to do so, she always did. It was a game to her and one she hated to play alone.

There, ten blocks to the east, she was there. He came back to himself and turned to his quarry. With a running start he sprinted for the edge of the roof and leapt like a gazelle to the one adjacent. It was a well-practiced move, he could do it in his sleep, had in fact once. He caught sight of her when he was two roofs away and quickened his pace, she was looking impatient.

He touched down on her roof with cat like grace, his long leather duster making a dramatic sweep as he landed. For her part she looked wholly unimpressed but it was hard to tell with the mask, the duality of tragedy and comedy serving as her face.

"Well look who it is" she said, "took you long enough."

She swung her little blue umbrella from one hand while running the other through her fabulous blonde mane.

"Sorry to keep you waiting Lovey Good" said the Wiz.

"Oh but it was ever such a delightful night for it" she said cheerfully, her attitude easily reflected by her periwinkle pea coat and thigh high white stockings.

"You won't get away with it you know" he said pacing around her.

"Oh really, that so" she replied sourly.

"The queens jewels, The Heliopaths, the Crème Brule."

"Mmm, yummy" she said.

"What are you up to Lovey Good, what's your game?" said the Wiz.

"You mean you haven't figured it out yet" she mocked, drawing a hand full of playing cards from her pocket, "Strip Poker" she shouted happily, hurling the cards at him like shuriken.

In an impressive show of flexibility the wiz bent all the way over backwards, touching his head to the ground and dodging all the deadly projectiles.

"Ooo, stretchy" she said sarcastically, "Do it again" she cheered, pointing her umbrella at him and launching a series of tiny fireballs.

With a surprising show of physical strength the Wiz completed his partially finished backflip and went on to do three others in dodging the flaming salvo before finally stopping upright, catching the last fireball in his hands like a baseball. It would have been quite impressive if his coat hadn't been on fire.

"You'll pay for that Lovey Good" he said crushing the fireball and rushing to pat out the fire.

"Cash or CHARGE" she shouted, shooting a bolt of lightning with deadly accuracy.

Well, deadly if you were a non-moving target or hadn't seen the move before. The wiz of course was not and had so he ducked under the spell with little difficulty and fired off a blast of wind that had the foxy villain holding down her coat to preserve what little modesty she still possessed.

"Now now Wiz" she chastised, "Aren't I the one who should be blowing you?"

Her own blast was far more concentrated and put a quarter sized hole through the brick at the edge of the roof.

"Stand still blast you" she commanded firing again and again, "it'll all be over soon" she chirped.

But the Wiz wouldn't stand still, dodging around her blasts with feline grace he inched his way closer to his foe till at last he was in range. The icing spell hit the ground behind her and the mild banisher forced her left foot back onto it. Physics took over and with a startled "eep" the wicked Miss Lovey Good was on her back, her umbrella fallen just out of reach.

Not foolish enough to let her move about a quick transfiguration had the roof itself rise up in three bands to encircle her torso to keep the insidious witch from escaping. Exhausted from the battle, the Green eyed Wiz straddled the wicked witch who lay meekly awaiting her fate.

"The jig is up Lovey Good" he said, pulling the mask away to reveal the lovely face beneath.

"So what now Wiz, off to prison with me?"

"Oh no, the prison system could never handle you" he said, shucking his long coat, "I'll have to teach you the error of your ways personally."

"I rather hoped you would" she said, reaching up and pulling his head down within range of her lavender blue lips.

…

Sometime later…

Sated and satisfied the two lovers lay upon his long leather duster, covered in her periwinkle peacoat to ward off the cool night air.

"That was a good workout" said Harry.

"Yes" agreed Luna, cuddling into his side, "but I think we should stay home tomorrow night. We can do Lord Black and the maid."

Harry chuckled, "You just like it when I bend you over the dinner table" he said.

Luna just grinned. Gosh and Golly Batman, these married games sure were fun.


	20. 19 To be Shaman King

Yet another jaunt into crossover land

Here's one for those anime enthusiasts

Enjoy

...

To be Shaman King

Hogwarts in the night was, pretty frickin scary. He remembered all too well how it had looked when he was eleven and seeing it for the first time but then things had been lit up like Christmas. Now, with no one to impress the glow of the castle was gone and only a few lights could be seen peeking out of windows. For his purposes, this was ideal as he had no intention of seeing anyone or anyone seeing him.

That was the plan anyway, thought Harry as he stared up at the castle. Of course getting in without tripping the wards would be something of a challenge. This of course was why he was in the Forbidden Forest, seeking the hidden entrance the Basilisk had used to go in and out of the castle. After all it couldn't have just lay down there for a thousand years without eating and still have grown to that size.

"We have just passed into the wards my lord."

Harry glanced up at the ghost floating next to him. Baron William Potter, better known to many as 'The Bloody Baron' had become his primary spirit partner five years earlier, the last time he had returned to Hogwarts.

"We're close then, it should be just up ahead" said Harry, pressing on through the undergrowth, his sturdy jeans and brown leather jacket soaking up most of the punishment from the thorns and brambles.

"It will be good to see my old tool again" mused the Baron.

"And a great enhancement to our Oversoul" agreed Harry, "you're sure you know where it is?"

"Indeed" replied the ghost, "many is the night I spent staring at the door, forever unable to pass the threshold and again be united with my great weapon."

"Those being the nights you weren't quietly stalking your lady love of course" added Harry.

"Um, yes, well" mumbled the Baron which made Harry grin.

"Ah, here it is."

They stopped at a massive rock and with a bit of searching found the small snake carved on it. Hissing the command a massive door, perfectly hidden in the stone opened and Harry scampered inside.

Passing through the chamber Harry stopped for a moment to admire the carcass of his defeated foe, or would have if there had been anything left.

"Looks like someone else was down here since last I visited aye Sheba" he said.

The necklace he wore began to glow and the glow extracted itself from the necklace, taking the form of a familiar serpent though much reduced in size from when he had slain her.

"I said you should have harvested my remains the last time you were here" she chastised in her hissing serpent voice.

"Yes well hindsight is twenty twenty, next time I'll know better" said Harry.

"We should go, the longer we remain the greater is our chance of being discovered" warned the Baron.

The two nodded, Sheba disappeared back into the necklace and Harry headed off across the chamber. The door opened easily and his second surprise came in the form of the tunnel, no longer littered with bones and a shed skin but perfectly cleaned. The walls had been reworked as well, buttressed and fortified they looked as though they had been professionally carved though Harry could sense the magic in them which indicated a powerful transfiguration.

"Probably McGonagall" he said to no one in particular.

…

Walking the halls of Hogwarts in the middle of the night brought back so many memories for Hermione Granger no matter how many times she did it, and as one of its professors charged with the care and safety of the students that was quite often. These evening strolls disguised as patrols were one of the ways she was able to unwind after a stressful day of teaching. She would never understand how teachers like Filius Flitwick had managed to remain so positive for so long. Really the things these little nimrods would do with their magic and then expect to be fixed because they hadn't the sense to listen to directions in the first place were enough to drive anyone round the twist in short order.

But Hermione Granger was made of sterner stuff and would not let the little Prima donna's break her, no siree. She was a bit disturbed then when she turned a corner and saw a man walking out of the girl's loo, a very familiar looking man with a very familiar looking ghost. Dammit, she was starting to see things, she thought, either that or Harry Potter and the Bloody Baron had just walked off without even noticing her.

What the bloody hell was going on.

Deciding to follow them, which gave her a certain feeling of nostalgia, she crept along taking the next turn only to find them gone. Growing further concerned for her sanity she continued creeping along, looking about desperately hoping to find them and thus prove she was not hallucinating. She stopped when she had gone halfway down the hall and stomped her foot in frustration. That was when the hands appeared out of nowhere and grabbed her.

She was pushed forcefully against the wall, a body pressing against her, keeping her in place and a blade of some sort pressed against the back of her neck. This was it, someone had broken into Hogwarts and was kidnapping her. Sweet Merlin he was probably going to rape her too. Why in hells name did that thought make her excited, geez she really needed to get out more.

The body behind her pulled back her hair, revealing her neck and she felt his nose run along it, taking in her scent. If she hadn't been so terrified she'd have been incredibly turned on and as it was she wasn't far from it.

"Smells like parchment, ink, and musty old books" he said, the vibrations of his voice sending chills down her spine.

Wait a minute, why did she recognize that voice.

"Hello Hermione."

Now there was no mistaking it, it was him.

"Harry" she gasped, then felt the blade recede, and heard it slide into its sheath.

She turned around and there he was. What came next was inevitable and she ignored the groan of protest as she tried to squeeze the life out of her first and best friend. For his part he simply hugged back though with much less compression but she didn't care, her Harry was here and that's all that mattered. Wait a minute, Harry here, with the Bloody Baron who had vanished five years ago.

"Harry, if I were to ask you if you knew where the Bloody Baron was, what would you tell me?" she asked sweetly, not letting him go for an instant.

"Behind you" he replied.

"You really expect me to fall for that" she said, giving him a good squeeze to express her displeasure.

"I see no reason you shouldn't."

The voice behind her made her squeak and spin around to face the speaker. There in all his ethereal glory was the infamous ghost of Slytherin House, the very same ghost that had vanished five years earlier without trace or reason.

She scowled and turned to her friend who was doing his best to look incredibly innocent. It wasn't working.

"Harry James Potter, you have exactly ten seconds to explain to me what is going on here."

…

"So this is it?"

"Indeed it is milord, my weapon is kept behind this door" said the Baron, his excitement muted by his natural stoicism.

Harry pressed his hands against the door while Hermione stood behind him and watched. His explanation had been less than stellar which made her frown. She had asked him where he'd been he had said Japan, true she was sure but it was very general. She had asked what he'd been doing and he had evasively answered "stuff" while very carefully avoiding eye contact. It was infuriating as well as disorienting.

She had not gone for her evening sabbatical expecting to find her long lost friend sneaking into the castle. She had also not expected him to have become so evasive, granted it had been ten years but there was a part of her that had expected Harry to stay exactly the same no matter how old he got. It was a foolish notion and apparently too much to hope for as she watched her friend do something to a door she had never seen before.

He glowed with power for a moment, then the door began to glow, at the sound of a lock being thrown the glowing stopped and Harry turned the knob and opened the door.

"How'd you do that?" she asked.

"Magic" he said, which made her want to smack him just on principle.

The two passed through the door and the room instantly lit up. It was quite a sight, a high vaulted ceiling reaching thirty feet up and bordered in white stone columns. The only thing breaking the pattern was a ledge on the far side of the room about twenty feet up and on that ledge sat the object of their quest.

"My mace" said the Baron.

It was clearly a knight's weapon with its eight fluted ridges and black polished finish, it measured out at two and a half feet from tip to tip.

"Well that's nice" said Harry, "But what's it doing up there."

"Clearly whoever put it up there didn't want anyone getting at it" offered Hermione.

"Well, too bad for them" said Harry, running his hands along his necklace.

Hermione watched as the necklace glowed and the small spirit serpent appeared. She was flabbergasted when it spoke in perfectly understandable English.

"You called" she said.

"I need your reach" he said, then pointed to their target.

"Ah, I see" she replied, spotting the mace up on the ledge, "Alright then."

At this declaration the glowing ghostly serpent morphed into a fiery glowing ball with eyes which sat patiently in Harry's hand.

"Into the necklace" he commanded, "OVERSOUL."

Hermione watched as her friend pressed the little ball against the necklace, blinked, and then in its place was a semitransparent serpent with its coils supported on his shoulders, wrapping around him at least a dozen times.

She realized she was gaping like a fish but she couldn't help it. This was like nothing she'd ever seen before and the use of spirits, she jumped to the only logical, and obviously wrong, conclusion.

"Necromancy" she declared.

"Shamanism" the Baron corrected as Harry walked toward the other side of the room conversing with the massive glowing serpent.

"What?" she asked intelligently.

"While they may share some tenants, Shamanism is not Necromancy. Shamanism is primarily focused on interactions with spiritual entities and not the foul practices or raising the dead."

"You asked what I'd been doing" shouted Harry from across the room, "well, this is it."

Standing under the ledge, the serpent lunged strait up, defying gravity, swiftly making its way toward the Bloody Barons most favored tool of war. Arching her head up and over the tool, intent to grab it she was attacked, the creature lunged from a hidden alcove behind the mace swiping with sharp tiny claws and biting with needle sharp teeth.

Since she was not actual flesh and blood she felt no pain but it was surprising and disorienting enough to break the Oversoul.

"What the hell is that" shouted Harry.

"It's a gargoyle" said Hermione.

"Rotten little nasty" complained Sheba, returned to her diminutive size.

Harry ignored the griping spirit, "you mean like in front of the headmasters office?"

"No" she shouted back, "that's just an enchanted statue, that" she said pointing to the ugly little creature that sat up on the ledge looking down at Harry, "is a real living gargoyle."

"Not for long" said Harry, looking back at the creature fiercely, "Cyris, I need you."

Summoned at the sound of his name another spirit appeared, this one in its shrunken state looked like some kind of bird or maybe a bat from where Hermione was standing.

"You called boss" said the spirit.

"Air time mate, lets fly" said Harry.

"Alright!" proclaimed the little spirit excitedly.

Transforming in midflight the glowing ball struck Harry square in the back and was transformed into a massive pair of wings like something she'd seen in a book about dinosaurs when she was a child, pterosaur wings.

"Ready or not, here I come" declared Harry and with a mighty leap shot into the air.

The creature saw him coming and hissed its defiance before taking wing itself and easily ducking out of the way as Harry shot by. What followed was a vicious game of follow the leader as the tiny gargoyle darted about the room always just one step ahead of Harry. Harry didn't appear to notice however and continued to chase the ugly little flying thing which grew more and more cocky as the seconds passed.

Eventually it turned its head to blow a raspberry at its pursuer and that was the last thing it saw as a glowing serpent shot from Harry's hand, knocking the stupid little thing off course and headlong into the wall, impacting with a satisfying crunch.

"Oh yeah, that's how ya do it" he crowed.

His victory lap was cut short however when he was tackled from behind. He recovered just enough to avoid ploughing headlong into the floor but still landed hard enough to shake it.

"Another one" he shouted.

"No" said Hermione, "lots of other ones."

Looking up at what they'd come for he saw what she meant. Dozens of little gargoyles were pouring out of the hole in the wall and taking to the air.

"Oh this is bad" he said, backing up toward his friend and waiting ghost.

"What do we do, we can't let them out into the castle, who knows what might happen" exclaimed her Hermione as the growing horde started to circle menacingly.

"I'm a little more worried about the next few seconds actually" said Harry.

As one they descended like a massive swarm of bats the came crashing down towards them. Hermione turned away so she only heard her friend cry out.

"Sif I need you, OVERSOUL."

The next sound she heard was like a bell being struck by a thousand arrows. She opened her eyes to see a semitransparent shield blocking the attacking horde.

"I cannot hold them long milord" said a female voice resonating from the shield.

"Then I suppose it is up to us then" said the Baron.

"Time to go to work" said Harry, drawing a large ornate looking dagger with a jewel in the center of the hilt, "William, into the blade, OVERSOUL."

Without Harry ever touching him the Baron transformed to a tiny ball and shot into the blade. This change was much less dramatic that those that had come before, the dagger being overlapped by a full size bastard sword glowing with ethereal energy.

"Sif, retract" commanded Harry, stepping forward weapon in hand, "Bastard sword, Berserker Break."

Faster than she could track Harry made several dozen swings which translated into massive arcs of energy that tore through the horde of flying nightmares like they were nothing. When the flashes had stopped and her vision had cleared all that was left of them was bloody bits.

"Revolting" she decided, averting her eyes from the sight.

Harry just shrugged and strode through it all till he was standing directly beneath the ledge. Reeling back the sword he used the hilt to punch the wall hard. The ledge shook, then cracked, then fell. With calm and poise Harry caught the mace and avoided being crushed by the fallen shelf with insulting ease.

Resting it on his shoulder he declared, "Now that, was much harder than it should have been."

…

"So, that was fun wasn't it" he said, once they were all out of the once again sealed room.

"Fun, you show up out of nowhere and then nearly get us killed. I… it's… just."

"Just like old times" he said with an impish grin.

She wanted to wipe that stupid look off his face so badly but in a strange irony she started laughing, and once she got started she just couldn't stop. Harry was soon laughing with her which only made it worse. She wasn't sure what impulse forced her to do it but she tackled her friend to the ground and proceeded to snog the daylights out of him. Deciding she was much too warm she began to shuck her night cloths.

"Well" said the Bloody Baron, "I think we should probably give them some privacy."

"Yes, indeed" agreed the blonde shield maiden Sif, a bit of color showing in her ghostly cheeks.

"What for?" asked Sheba.

"Such strange mating rituals you humans have" said the ancient pterosaur Cyris.

"Well I suppose" said the Baron as he and Sif floated off, "Every king needs his queen, even a Shaman King."


	21. 20 Shave and a Haircut

Shave and a Haircut, Two bits

It was a fine and sunny morning as Harry Potter strolled down Fleet Street to his Barber shop. It was a relatively small shop that had once been a bakery, Harry was the only employee. This of course meant that he was always busy but that was how he liked it, never a dull moment, always someone else to help.

As he approached the storefront he saw a terrifying but all too common sight. It looked like the poor woman had put on her Don King wig, only he knew this was no wig.

"My dear, what has happened" he said sympathetically.

"Well it was bad when I woke up but it's been a really rough mornin" she said very near tears.

"Now now" he said giving a comforting hug, "there is nothing to fear, you just come inside and we'll have this mess sorted out quick as you can say bobs your uncle."

And they did to. He was finished just in time for his next customer to arrive and so the day began. One customer after another, ladies needing a stylish trim, gentleman come in for a shave, even little children setting down in his chair for their very first cut.

Things tapered off a bit at lunch, just long enough for Harry to eat and then it was back to it till around five when the shop was at last empty. Not that he believed it would stay that way but it gave him some time to tidy things up.

Just as he was sweeping up the last of the previous customer the bell over the door rang. With a genial smile he turned to greet this new patron.

"Welcome to Harry Cuts where that's exactly what he does" repeating his well-worn catch line.

"Is that all he does?"

He recognized the voice without ever having to see the face, and that head of hair was a dead giveaway as well.

"That entirely depends on the customer" he said, "Please, come, sit."

"Nice place you've got here" she said taking the offered seat.

"I do rather like it" he replied, "So, what are we trying to do today?"

"Well my husband has been on about how I look lately so I thought we'd try something different" she said, poorly hiding the bitterness at the mention of her husband.

"Indeed, I personally would recommend a different husband" he said, running his hands through the bushy mess.

"I've had similar thoughts myself I won't deny" she said somberly.

"He was never good enough for you" said Harry, massaging her temples which elicited a pleased groan.

"Wish you'd said that before I married him."

"Wish I had to" said Harry, leaning her head back to look into her eyes.

"Hello Harry."

"Hello Hermione."

"You know when Lavender told me I should come here I thought she was just having me on. I never actually expected to find you" she said, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Hey now, none of that" said Harry, wiping away the offending water, "such a pretty face is much too good for tears."

Her smile could have outshone the sun and she wasted no time leaving her chair so she could hug the daylights out of her best friend.

"I missed you so much" she said, her face buried in his neck.

"It's nice to see you to" he said, holding her as she hid her tears from him, "and all your hair as well" he joked.

She couldn't help but snort at that and pulled away still chuckling, "Oh you."

"So, Ron givin you trouble huh?"

"It's not really so bad" she hedged, "he's just the same insensitive prat he's always been."

"Hardly an excuse for mistreating his wife" said Harry gently brushing an errant strand of hair from her face.

She smiled, "so, you going to cut my hair or just keep staring at me?"

"Well, you are well worth a good stare or two" he said which made her blush, "but I think we'll start with a wash first, work out some of the kinks in this disaster you carry around to protect your lovely brain."

"Oh honestly Harry" she said good-naturedly.

"You have no idea how much I missed hearing that" he said.

…

The wash as it turned out was very thorough and for Hermione a nearly orgasmic experience. Being no stranger to the pleasures of the flesh with two children, this was by and far better than any sex she'd ever had. And he hadn't even touched any of the good spots. She got a little excited when she began to wonder what it would have been like if he had.

Hermione felt lighter the longer Harry worked as they talked the way only old friends who haven't seen each other in a long while can. For her it was just so nice to talk to someone who actually seemed eager to listen. At home she had her children and Ron, neither of which cared to listen to her and she had become so exhausted trying to nag them into obedience without success that she'd simply given up.

All these concerns vanished, her worries lifted as Harry went about his work, hair falling away like a waterfall till at last he was finished. She looked in the mirror and almost didn't recognize herself, she looked good.

"Wow" she said.

"Well, I had a lot to work with" said Harry with a smile that had her blushing again.

"So, what do I owe you?" she asked, saddened that her visit was over.

"A hug and a kiss" he said with a cheeky grin.

She chuckled at him but was more than happy to hug him, but when she went to kiss his cheek he turned his head at the last second and captured her lips. She was surprised at first but soon melted into his warmth with a relish that was highly inappropriate for a married woman.

"Come visit me again" he said releasing her.

"Yeah" she replied dazed and with a glazed look in her eyes as she stumbled out the door.

…

Closing time came and Harry was just about finished cleaning up when the bell of his door tinkled.

"Sorry, closed for the day" he called over his shoulder.

"Awww, are you sure?"

Harry did turn then, spying the raven haired beauty. He frowned, she was a regular and knew his hours.

"You of all people should know what time I close" he chastised.

"I'm sorry" she said, batting her eyelashes and pouting, "I just need a little work, promise."

While he might have said no to the work, he had no defense against the pout.

He gestured to the chair and she happily skipped to her seat.

"Let me guess, it was fine this morning" he said, running a comb through the tangles of her long black hair, the light gel he used a house specialty, guaranteed straightness and a healthy shine.

"I really don't know how it gets this way, honest" she protested.

"Probably from all those nasty men you have pawing you all day" he said.

"Can I help it if I'm irresistible?"

"One of these days I'm going to find a big stick and give it to you so you can beat them off" he said with a final run of the comb, "there, finished."

"You're the best Harry" she said hopping up and giving him a peck on the cheek, "Ta."

And just like that she was gone.

Harry could only shake his head. Turning the chair around he lifted the file she had left in the seat and opened it. A little work she had said. If he was reading the file right it was more than just a little work. He couldn't help but grin.

"It would seem you've finally pissed off the wrong people Mr. Varxis."

Collecting his coat he snapped his fingers and the lights went out. He locked the door and slid the keys into his pocket then from out of thin air drew a pair of razors, the sort most often used for shaving. The handles were silver, their blades gleamed in the moonlight.

"Come now my friends, soon you will drip rubies" he said then headed off, singing a song of pretty women once sung by another infamous barber from Fleet Street.


	22. 21 Man of War

Man of War

Grimmauld Place, thought Hermione, had not improved since the last time she'd been there. The once seat of the powerful and dark family Black had clearly seen better days, though that could have been said the first time she'd seen it when she was fifteen. The outside had not improved, the inside, well, that was yet to be determined.

She was here because she had it from a reliable source that her friend, or so she still thought of him, Harry Potter was for once home. It was hard to say if he still considered her a friend since she hadn't said a word to him in fifteen years. Not that she hadn't wanted to but he'd made it a habit to leave the country without telling anyone and returning in the same fashion.

The only person he had any kind of meaningful contact with was his godson Theodore Lupin, at least that she knew of. Teddy was how they kept track of when Harry was and wasn't in the country as Harry made it a point to send his godson a postcard from wherever he happened to be and actually visited when he returned. Those visits of course were held in secret or at least in places where other magical folk wouldn't see them.

They had tried to cajole Teddy into setting up a meeting so that Harry's friends could talk to him. He had adamantly refused, stating his godfather's desire for privacy and if he wanted to talk to them he would. Ron had tried to force the issue and Teddy had beaten him bloody without ever touching his wand. He never explained where he had attained such fighting prowess but it was assumed Harry had something to do with it.

This had happened when Teddy was fifteen and had only just started dating Victoire Weasley. Things went a bit chilly in their relationship, for exactly one day where Victoire had promptly forgiven Teddy for the brutality visited upon her least favorite uncle, stating simply that he'd had it coming. Molly of course had a bit to say about that and had been promptly ignored, her howler being burned to ash before the owl got within ten feet. Oddly the letter had been addressed to Teddy but it was Victoire who had ashed the noxious bit of talking parchment.

It had also been Victoire who continued passing on whenever Harry was apparently back in the country since she was the only one Teddy told. Some believed she did this without his knowing but Hermione herself seriously doubted it. Harry clearly trusted Teddy enough to let him know when he was in the country and therefore trust him to keep it private as long as needed. By the time the information was passed to Victoire he was usually gone again, he never seemed to stay very long.

Which led her to her current conundrum. Victoire had passed on that Harry was in the country and would be for at least a month, healing from some manner of injury incurred on his last trip. This had never happened before to her knowledge, certainly not since Victoire had been keeping them informed so what did it mean. Was it some manner of code that Harry was trying to pass on that he was ready to talk to them again? Did it mean he was finally done roaming and settling down? Or did it simply mean he was unable to travel due to an injury?

Every other time she had come to Grimmauld Place there had been no sign of life and everything had been closed. Today however there was smoke coming from one of the chimneys. Someone was most certainly home.

With some trepidation she approached the house, noticing an odd addition since her last visit, the walk from the street to the stairs was now lined in strange gray cylinders. On both sides spaced roughly a foot apart was a cylinder about 12 inches tall with a surface that looked like stone. Hermione had no idea what they could possibly be and wasn't curious enough to stop and examine them.

Walking up to the door she grasped the knocker and gave three good firm raps. The door opened to her surprise but no one was there. Stepping inside she looked around the foyer. It was considerably different than she remembered. For starters the curtain that had covered Mrs. Blacks portrait was gone, as was the painting itself, along with all the others that had once decorated the walls.

"Well, that's certainly an improvement anyway" she mumbled.

Also missing was the wretched troll foot that Tonks had tripped over every time she came in. Looking around you'd never guess there was anything magical about the house.

Hermione's examination was interrupted by an odd clicking sound followed by footsteps. Shortly after a figure emerged from the hall, his expression was blank and he spoke not a word but that didn't stop Hermione from recognizing him.

"Harry."

The figure made no reply but raised his arm to reveal a glowing palm, "commencing scan" it said.

Hermione was so utterly flabbergasted she did nothing more than stutter for a moment, long enough for the scan to be finished.

"Scan complete, traces of mind altering potion present within subject, nature considered non-threatening, please state business."

"Uh, well, I came to see you Harry" she said, still off-balance at the strange greeting.

He seemed to be thinking for a moment before nodding at his decision, "Please follow me" it said.

Then with but a turn on the heel it walked away, Hermione was forced to either follow or be left behind. The Harry walked up the stairs with slow deliberate steps, almost machine like which would be a perfect descriptor of how he had acted since she'd seen him, thought Hermione. She shook her head, no, no that was ridiculous, he couldn't be a machine that was just silly.

Harry led her to the library and opened the doors to reveal the room unlike the rest of the house was well lit. He motioned for her to enter and warily she did so. She was shocked when she saw a man sitting in a chair, reading a small paperback book.

"Harry!" she exclaimed.

He was a bit older looking than the Harry that had brought her up and he had two long strands of hair hanging down in front of his left ear, each with a half dozen beads hanging from them. The most obvious difference however was the gaping wound on his right shoulder, she could actually see the flesh beneath the skin.

"Hello Hermione" he said, looking up from his book, "you may return to your post Seventeen."

The other Harry nodded and closed the doors behind him. They were alone.

"Harry, my god what happened?" she was still stuck in shock mode or she would have rushed over to do, something.

"Oh, you mean this" he said gesturing to his shoulder, "some bastard tried to slice me in half, almost succeeded too" he smirked, "but I got him in the end" he said patting a Japanese style sword that was leaning against his chair.

"Bu… how are you moving, how did that not kill you" now she was moving, examining her friend in a frenzy.

"Hermione please don't fuss with it" he said shooing her away, "it's already healing it was actually much worse."

The evidence of his statement was clear to see where the skin was still new. By the look of it the wound had been twice as long, easily cutting into the lung, almost to the hip in fact.

"Harry how on earth did you survive this, you should be dead, no magic on earth…" she started to say.

"No magic in Britain you mean" he corrected her.

"What?"

"No magic in Britain could have saved me, that much is true" he admitted, "after all, it wasn't in Britain that I came up with this" he said, taking the glass on the side table and taking a sip from its murky gray contents.

"What is that?" she asked giving the strange liquid a cursory glance.

"I call it elixir X" he said with a cheeky grin.

"I don't get it" she said.

"I didn't figure you would" he admitted, "What it does is accelerate the body's ability to heal to the level of demigod's. Minor bruises and scratches heal in seconds while more severe cuts probably an hour tops. Usually I take it as a preventative measure when I know I'm walking into a fight, nothing more demoralizing than seeing all the damage you've done to your enemy just vanish."

"But how does that explain this" she said pointing to the horrid looking wound.

"Well it's actually taking much longer because I have a few other spells going on around it that are affecting the regeneration. Sadly without those spells I wouldn't be able to move or feel anything but immense mind breaking pain so yeah, take the good with the bad" he said.

"And, that" she said gesturing to his glass, "is supposed to be how you survived this" once again gesturing to his wound.

"Well no it was actually a combination of a technique I learned from a ninja called Chi Kung and some advanced Voodoo magic plus a little temporal distortion that kept me alive long enough to kill the bastard and stabilize this mess."

Hermione just looked baffled, "I didn't understand any of that. Why didn't I understand any of that?"

"Because you're a result of the Hogwarts education and British Magical society" he said, not trying to sound sarcastic.

She just looked at him sourly.

"Well, you asked."

She sighed, getting angry at him wasn't going to help and that isn't why she'd come anyway.

"Harry, where have you been?"

"What, ya mean recently?" he asked.

"Hmm, let's see, how bout since the last time I saw you, how bout the last fifteen years" she said archly.

Harry looked thoughtful, "Huh, I suppose it has been that long hasn't it?"

Hermione crossed her arms and glared. Injury or no, he was being difficult and she didn't like it.

"Well, the answer to your question is, everywhere."

"What sort of answer is that" she demanded.

"A general one" he replied.

"Be less general" she hissed.

"Would you prefer Colonel or perhaps Captain" said Harry with an insufferable smirk.

"Harry" she said, the warning in her tone impossible to miss.

"Oh really Hermione you're no fun anymore."

"And you're an insufferable git" she screamed back.

Harry just chuckled which made Hermione fume.

"Oh calm down before you have a heart attack" he said, absently gesturing to another chair which slid across the floor to stop just opposite his own, "have a seat."

She did so petulantly, plopping down and then staring at him with her arms still crossed.

"Are you going to keep pouting like that?" he asked taking another sip of his slivery elixir.

"I'm not pouting" she pouted.

"Uh huh" said Harry, taking a big swig.

"How can you drink it like that?" she asked, her curiosity overcoming her indignation for a moment.

"Has sort of a cherry taste" he said, "Given how much I figured I'd use it I put a lot of work into making it palatable. If you're going to invent a potion might as well take the time to do it right."

"Wait, wait, wait, you invented a potion?" she said in disbelief.

Harry just nodded.

"Snape must be rolling in his grave."

"I certainly hope so" said Harry.

Both of them had a chuckle at that and for the moment Hermione forgot that she was mad at him.

"Where have you been Harry, Where'd you go?"

"You keep asking the wrong question Hermione, it's not the where that really mattered but what I was doing while I was there, and I assure you, you won't like the answer to that one any better" he said.

"Pretend I asked it anyway" she said.

He nodded and said, "I've been doing the same things I did when I was at Hogwarts."

"What's that, breaking the rules and dodging death every other day" she said with a sarcastic chuckle.

He didn't say anything right away, just gestured to his shoulder till her smirk disappeared.

"Some days, I admit, I dodge a little faster than others."

"Why?" She asked, baffled, it seemed so unlike the Harry she remembered to go looking for trouble.

"As it turns out" said Harry, "Magical Britain has not cornered the market on bigots."

"Oh do tell" she felt no reason to hide her sarcasm at this statement.

"Seems like everywhere I go there is some radical group out to kill some other group for the flimsiest reasons. Now take this for example" he said lifting the sword and drawing it half way from its sheath, "it is called Hanasu, it means to divide or separate. This belonged to a man who tried to travel back in time to stop the defeat of Japan in the Second World War. He would have succeeded too if I hadn't stopped him. He was the latest in a long line of magicals that I have fought for various reasons and I'm not ashamed to say he was probably one of the best."

"So he was an overzealous patriot, that doesn't make him a bigot" she said, not sure why she was defending a man she'd never met.

"At the time of the second world war, Japanese patriotism was bigotry, some of them are still like that, case in point." He said sheathing the sword.

"You can't expect everyone that ever attacks you to be a bigot Harry" she stated most sensibly.

"Name one in our time at Hogwarts that wasn't" he said.

She opened her mouth, then closed it again.

"Well that doesn't prove anything" she insisted.

"True" he agreed.

"Well why do you keep getting involved then" like she didn't already know.

"Because, in some way or for some reason I always get drawn into the conflict and as soon as I do it escalates."

"Maybe you ought to just stay home then" she said grinning cheekily.

"Oh, and I suppose I should get married too, to that stalker freak Ginny Weasley" he snarked.

"Really Harry she's not that bad" she tried to defend her sister in law.

"She potioned me Hermione" he said icily, "you know I would have had a lot more of my magic on the horcrux hunt if not for that possessive little skank and her overbearing mother."

"I'm sure they didn't mean to" she said without thinking.

"Oh really, and would you feel the same way if I told you Ron was and likely still is using the same potion on you."

"That's not true" she shouted instantly.

"So sure" he said darkly, "well, only one way to find out" he said raising his good hand, then looking at it and dropping it, "damn, forgot I'm not wearing it" he gave an exasperated sigh.

"Wearing what?"

He looked at her for a moment, hard, "You really want to know?" he said.

Cautiously she nodded.

Slowly rising from his chair, he took something from around his neck and dropped it to the floor. Before she could get a good look at it the object grew to a full sized door before her very eyes.

"You usually carry a door around like a necklace?" she asked, rather confused by the whole thing.

"As a matter of fact, yes" he replied, drawing a large golden key from his pocket and inserting it into the lock.

Instead of twisting it in the lock he twisted the large bejeweled head a quarter turn left then two quarts right, then three quarters left. The click of a lock indicated that it had worked and Harry opened the door despite their being no hinges to or frame for it to swing on. By Merlin magic could be so silly at times, she thought.

"You coming?" he asked as he stepped through the opening in space.

She gave a heavy sigh, when had Harry started dabbling in magic's she'd never even heard of, she wondered sourly, just wasn't fair.

…

The sun was blinding and her eyes were slow to adjust. She had no idea where she was and the door that had brought her had closed behind her.

"Harry" she called out, afraid that he'd left her.

"Just give it a minute" he said off to her right.

"Where are we?" she asked, her eyes beginning to adjust as outlines began to appear.

"My secret base" he replied, now off to her left.

"Boys, honestly" she said exasperated.

Harry just chuckled and finally came into sight as her eyes at last adjusted to the vast change in light. The room was Spartan with nothing but a door on each end and the glass roof that had let in the blinding light.

"Well, it certainly doesn't look like much" she said.

Harry shook his head, "this is the adjusting room" he said, "can't be staggering around half blind in this place."

"Dare I ask why?" she queried.

"You'll see" he said with that smile that made her want to strangle him.

He opened the door on the other side of the room and ascended the stairs, Hermione two steps behind him.

"So, where exactly is this secret base of yours located" she asked conversationally.

"If I told you it wouldn't be a secret anymore would it" he said cheekily.

Hermione just huffed indignantly but didn't bother asking again. They soon came to a room filled with plants and Hermione had to gape. It was huge, easily ten times the size of any of the green houses at Hogwarts yet all perfectly organized in nice straight rows and rectangular plots, even the trees seemed to take up exactly two adjoining plots and no more.

"What is this?" she asked, her wonder evident.

"The Herbarium" he replied simply and continued walking.

It was difficult to keep up with him as her head kept whiplashing back and forth trying to take it all in. It was remarkably beautiful, herbs and flowers, creeping vines and tall standing stalks, it seemed as if every plant in the world was represented here. Even the rainforest seemed to have its own section.

"But Harry, how did you get all this here?"

"One piece at time" he said casually, "it might seem amazing now but when we started it really wasn't."

Hermione considered it odd he said 'we' but thought little of it as they left the Herbarium and entered a hall. They quickly came to a T and headed off to the right, Hermione briefly glancing to the left and wondering what was down that hall. Knowing her curious tendency's Harry watched her out of the corner of his eye to make sure she didn't wander off, glad she hadn't asked what was down the other hall.

They finally came to another room that stopped Hermione in her tracks. It wasn't terribly big, not like the Herbarium at any rate, but its purpose was evident the moment she looked at the walls. There were a number of strange firearms on various racks on the wall interspersed among other 'things' she really couldn't identify but assumed were some manner of weapon as well.

"Let me guess, the Armory?" she said with a serious look.

"I guess you could call it that" he said flippantly, "though I just call it storage."

"Storage, for weapons" she said.

"Technically they're not all weapons" he said walking over to an overlarge soda can and picking it up, "this for example."

"Dragon in a can" she read, her face reflecting bewilderment.

"Yeah, little more than a very advance firework" he said replacing the can, "Now Lumberjack in a can, that is a weapon" he said, heading toward the far door.

Hermione followed but not before noticing a group of stone cylinders frighteningly identical to the one's she had seen earlier that day. She didn't have the courage to ask what they were or what they did and was thankful when they left 'storage'.

The next room was only a short walk from there and this one too seemed to be purposed for weapons though much smaller and far more selective.

"This Hermione is my armory" he said stepping calmly inside.

Hermione hesitated at the door, not that she was a coward but she was well out of her comfort zone and feeling very vulnerable for reasons she couldn't explain. Harry noticed this but didn't slow, walking up to a large pegboard and pulling a ring from one of the pegs.

"What is that" she asked pensively.

"Nothing that's going to hurt you" he said, easily avoiding the question, "give me your hand."

Reluctantly she did so but yanked it away when the gem on the ring began glowing pink the moment the band touched her.

"Wow, that's bad" he said.

"What is" she demanded, unsure why she felt so nervous.

"Pink is for love potions, and that was the fastest I've ever seen that thing light up" he said.

"I am not under a love potion" she shouted.

"Uh huh" he said, ignoring her outburst, "well, only one thing to do" he said and strolled on past her and further down the hall.

"Wait, Harry, your ring is wrong, I am not under a love potion" she insisted, chasing after him.

He ignored her yelling and just kept walking till he reached the door at the end of the hall. Pressing his palm to a plate square plate next to the door, the plate lit up for a moment and then the door opened.

"Harry, Harry are you listening to me I'm not under a love potion" she insisted yet again.

He ignored her again to her growing frustration walking across the sterile looking room toward a cabinet.

"Oh Hermione do me a favor and bring me that book would you" he said offhandedly with a brief gesture to a tattered looking leather bound book.

Her annoyance at being ignored vanished at the sight of her favorite thing in the world. Her nose was firmly planted in the book when Harry approached her, yanked her head back by the hair and forced a rather tasteless potion down her throat.

"What the bloody hell was that" she coughed.

"Purgative" he said, "the next three hours are going to be very unpleasant for you."

… 3 Hours later

"I'm gonna kill you."

"Yes Hermione."

"No I mean it, gonna kill you" she mumbled groggily.

Her threats didn't hold much water as the person she was threatening was carrying her in his arms while she could barely remain coherent enough to make threats.

"Gonna be lejenery, legendar… epic" she finally decided.

"Yes Hermione" he said, placing her on a soft bed and pulling a vial of a red colored potion from his pocket, "drink" he commanded.

"Don wan it" she said petulantly, weakly resisting.

"Don't be difficult" he said, getting it into her mouth.

She whined as the potion went down, "I hate you" she said with tears in her eyes.

"As long as you're still around to hate me I can live with that" he said, "now go to sleep."

Without the energy remaining to resist the command she did.

"Well that was far more trouble than it needed to be."

"She was always like that, never could do things the easy way" said Harry, leaving the room, the door sliding shut behind him.

"So, now what, you think she'll join us?"

"No" he said simply, striding purposefully down the corridors.

"Then why bother purging the potion, why not let her live her lie?"

"Because she deserves better" he said, "she may be a bossy know it all bookworm, but there was a time when she was my bossy know it all bookworm. I owe her this much for standing by me when I needed her."

"So now what?"

"When she wakes up I'll take her home, what she chooses to do then is entirely up to her. I have no intention of being further involved and you know why."

"The War waits for no man."

"Indeed" he agreed, coming to a stop at a plain white door, "So, what're you wearing?"

"Open the door and find out."

He did. He chuckled.

"You know I'm injured" he said.

"And here I was hoping for a little attention, whatever shall I do?"

(Insert flirty batting of eyelashes)

"Injured" he reiterated, "but not dead" he clarified, crossing the threshold, the door sliding shut behind him.


	23. 22 Let Mortal Kombat Begin

Another excerpt from Crossover land

Can you name the universe

...

Let Mortal Kombat Begin

Fifteen years was a very long time, thought Harry Potter, a very long time indeed.

Platform 9 ¾ was packed with families, children and parents all saying their goodbye's for another year. There were some faces he recognized though none recognized him, the face he was wearing wasn't his own after all. He wasn't sure any would have recognized it anyway but hadn't wanted to take the chance. No one from England had seen him for fifteen years and he wasn't quite ready for that to change.

That didn't mean however he couldn't interact with them. It was the reason he was there after all. To interact, with one individual specifically which he spotted talking to a most attractive girl with silky blonde hair, broadcasting an allure he recognized all too well. By the time he had reached them the girl had already boarded the train which left him alone with the young man. A young man currently sporting hair the color of aquamarine.

"Aye lad, that one yours" he said tipping his head to where the girl had most recently stood.

"Uh, you might say that yeah" said Theodore 'Teddy' Lupin, surprised by the sudden appearance of a man he didn't recognize.

"You lucky dog you" the man said giving him a hardy pat on the back which nearly knocked him off his feet, "Ya know I've heard things about what them veela girls do to their boyfriends. Not that I put any stock in such rumors mind you but I gotta know boy, ow do you get any sleep at night."

The innuendo was not missed which was made painfully evident when the boys hair turned bright cherry red.

"Um… uh sorry, I have, uh, prefect duties, uh scuse me" he stammered before escaping onto the train.

"Stay strong lad, it'll be worth it in the end" was Harry's parting shot before his godson got out of range.

He snickered to himself at his godson's embarrassment while smiling inwardly at his success. The little gift he'd discretely slipped into Teddy's pocket would be discovered in about an hour when the spell hiding it wore off. It would be interesting to see if his godson could piece together just who put it there and how.

He casually began to amble toward the exit, his mission a success and his mood high when he was suddenly accosted by an all too familiar face.

"Aye, what you think you were doing back there" growled Auror Ron Weasley as he grabbed him by the front of his robe.

Oh fabulous, he thought, this was the last person he had wanted to run into today.

"Oy weren't nothing guv just funnin the lad a bit, thas all" he said, careful to remain completely submissive, no matter how much he wanted to do otherwise.

"Oh is that so, just funnin is it. That the sort of thing you do. That how you get your kicks ah you sick blighter."

Well this was just going rapidly downhill, thought Harry, and it was beginning to draw way more attention than he was comfortable with even while in disguise. Deciding on a course of action he grabbed hold of the ginger aurors wrists digging his thumbs into the point where arm and hand met and before Ron had a chance to even think gave each a sharp twist. Ron squealed in surprise and pain as his grip was painfully broken but then went silent when the forehead that smashed into his face broke his nose and sent him falling into unconsciousness.

Well that went well, he mused, then spotted two other aurors rapidly approaching.

"Whoop, time to go."

Putting action to words he wove through the confused crowd with an ease not shared by the ones pursuing him and was quickly off 9 and ¾ and back onto the non-magical train platform. Picking a train that was just preparing to depart he popped inside and was on his way just as the two magical police officers came charging out of the hidden platform. Fortunately they weren't observant enough to spot him and he was out of sight a few seconds later.

"Well, that could have gone better" he muttered to himself, pulling down his hat and slouching in his seat to take a nap.

He only had three days to accomplish what he wanted while he was in England and that wasn't going to leave a lot of time for sleep.

…

The path beneath the whomping willow was a dark as midnight on a cloudy eve but Teddy Lupin wasn't worried. He knew the path like the back of his hand, having used it for more than one illicit rendezvous in the past. He came up in the shrieking shack and immediately saw the light under the door crack on the second floor, right where the note said it would be.

Drawing his wand he hit his shoes with a silencing spell and crept up the stairs. His hand was reaching for the knob when he felt a slight pressure at the base of his neck.

"Shit" he cursed.

"You kiss your girlfriend with that mouth?"

"As often as possible" he replied.

"Yeah I'll bet" chuckled the voice, the pressure receding.

Teddy turned to see the grinning face of his godfather holding nothing but an odd stick that looked like it had been plucked at random from the ground.

"How've you been Uncle Harry" he said, embracing his errant godfather who eagerly returned it.

"Not as good as you it would seem" said Harry, "Ya know I've heard things about what them veela girls do to their boyfriends."

"Oh sweet Merlin that was you" he exclaimed, "Do you have any idea how much you embarrassed me?"

"Pretty good idea yes" said Harry completely unrepentant.

"You know Victoire heard what you said."

"Ah" now he was a tad bit repentant, "So how upset was she."

"Upset!" he exclaimed, "I wish she were upset, upset I could have handled. She decided to take it as a challenge. I had to practically peel her off of me just so I could go to the prefect meeting. Then she kept stalking me on the entire ride to Hogwarts. Do you know what it's like to have some skinny little hundred pound girl throw you against a wall and snog you just cuz she wants to? It is bloody emasculating is what it is."

Harry would have responded had he been able to form words but he was too busy laughing at his godsons 'plight' to manage it and only started laughing harder when the subject of their conversation appeared and tackled her boyfriend. Harry should have been concerned by her arrival but it was just too damn funny.

"You thought you could escape me Teddy, but I ave found you" she purred which made Teddy blush through his hair which made Harry fall over laughing, and gasping for air so he could continue.

"I really wasn't trying to, I just had a meeting you see" the young Metamorph hedged, fearing for his chastity which was not something he ever thought he would fear for.

"Meeting" she looked up at the laughing man as though seeing him for the first time, "with im."

"Victoire Weasley, meet my godfather, Harry Potter."

"Wass that now" said Harry, finally able to manage words again through his chuckles.

He was stunned almost instantly by the starry eyed look he was receiving, a sudden feeling of dread overcoming him. Oh shit, a fan girl, he thought.

This premonition was confirmed when the girl seemed to teleport from on top of her boyfriend to kneeling in front of him looking ready to squeal.

"Your Harry Potter, the real Harry Potter" she demanded.

"There are not real Harry Potters?" he asked surprised.

"There have been numerous imposters since you vanished. Where were you? What were you doing? Can I have your autograph?"

Oh yeah, definitely a fan girl, he inwardly groaned.

"Vicky? Vicky calm down your scaring him" said Teddy putting a restraining hand on her shoulder now that he was no longer pinned under her.

"But, he's Harry Potter. Mama has told me so much about him and I've always wanted to meet him!"

Eager to change the subject, "how is your mother now that you bring her up?"

"She is well" she said, "She will be most excited when I tell her you are here."

Harry frowned at that, "Yeah, you can't do that."

"Why not?" she said looking perplexed.

"It's not that I wouldn't like to see her but I'm not actually going to be here that long and I've got a lot to do in that time so I really can't…"

He made the mistake of looking up and his mouth went dry at what he saw.

"Please, don't. Not with the eyes and… no don't do the lip thing… alright, alright, I'll see if I can't squeeze her in."

Harry Potter had seen many a powerful magic's in his day but they all paled in comparison to a proper puppy dog pout performed by a teenaged Veela. This time Victoire did squeal and tackled him raining down kisses between exclamation of thank you, thank you, thank you. He tried not to groan. Now he'd have to do it, the guilt would gnaw at him if he didn't.

…

Escaping the affectionate little Veela had not been easy and required the very unmanly act of setting her upon her original target and then running like a coward while she molested him.

"Fear not young Teddy, your sacrifice shall not be forgotten."

He then promptly put his godson and his girlfriend out of his mind and prepared himself for his next stop. Given whom it was there was little doubt in his mind that she would still be up, probably dancing naked round her back yard to ward off Nargles or something. It seemed like the sort of thing Luna would be up to.

Moving through the dark he made sure no one was near enough to see before vanishing in a brief flash of electricity. He reappeared at the edge of the wards surrounding the Rookery, the Lovegood home and where he had learned Luna still lived.

He approached the house silently, not for any reason but simply because it had become habit to do so. There were no lights on in the house but he could just make out faint music playing somewhere nearby. Following the sound around the house he was shocked to find Luna Lovegood, naked as a jay bird, dancing around a bonfire while a phonograph played what he believed was Beethoven.

"Hello Harry Potter" she greeted first, without actually looking at him.

"Hello Luna" he said smiling, not terribly surprised that she would know he was there.

"Have you come to slake your immeasurable lusts upon my virginal body?" she asked.

"Uh, well no I hadn't planned on it" he said, though looking at her dancing about the fire like that he was more than willing to change that plan.

"Oh poo" she said, but never stopped dancing.

Luna Lovegood had certainly filled out nicely in fifteen years. When last he had seen her she had just been coming in to her curves and sadly, girls were the very last thing on his mind. Now there could be no calling her a girl, Luna Lovegood was all woman. Hot damn!

"Luna, why exactly are you out here dancing around a bonfire" he queried.

"Naked" she added.

"Yeah, that too" he said a bit awkwardly.

"I do this to appease the Nargles, helps to keep them in line" she said simply as though discussing something as mundane as the weather and not naked bonfire dancing.

"Bunch of dirty little voyeurs are they?" he said, chuckling at her answer.

"Oh very" she replied, and kept on dancing, "How was your training?"

"Exhausting" he replied, not even bothering to be surprised that she apparently knew what he'd been up to, "you know, saving the world from complete destruction and all that."

"Yes, it has never been your fate to live a quiet life" she said, and here she stopped her dance and looked thoughtful, "Made strong in the forge of conflict, it is only in its flames that you truly come alive."

"I suppose you're right" he said, feeling the weight of her words sink in as they always did when she spoke like that.

His sinking however was interrupted when she walked right up to him and stared into his eyes with her deep silver pools.

"Are you certain you don't have any lusts you'd like to slake on me, even just a little one" she asked hopefully.

Clearing his throat which had suddenly become very dry, "I believe I may have reconsidered my earlier statement" he admitted.

In the fire light her face glowed and he nearly stepped back at the predatory look she gave him. All 'her' plans were apparently coming to fruition.

…

The early sun poked through the window right into his unready face. Harry squinted, then groaned, the events of the previous night coming back to him he looked over at his bed partner with a grin. She had his arm in a firm grip. There would be no escaping without waking her first, clever girl.

"Luna" he said softly, kissing the tip of her nose.

Her lashes fluttered and her eyes opened. She stared at him innocently, ironic given how energetic she had been just the night before.

"Good morning Harry" she said.

"Good morning Luna" he said, "I'm going to be needing that" he said, referring to his captured arm.

She nuzzled the captured appendage for a moment before reluctantly releasing it. He could admit to himself he was a bit reluctant to let her.

"You have to go" it wasn't a question.

"Yeah, still a lot to do while I'm here and even less time to do it in" he said slipping into his pants and then looking around for his shirt.

"On the dresser" she said, "You will represent yourself well when the time comes but the victory ultimately will be achieved by another. His power burns like the dragon."

Harry considered her words, he was fairly sure he knew who she referred to but he noticed she did not mention his own fate when he lost. He pulled his shirt on then stopped when he felt her head rest between his shoulders.

"Your mind is on death, your death" she said quietly.

"And will it be my death?" he asked.

She shook her head, "I don't know."

He sighed, he should have known better than to ask.

"A man might survive many things if he had a reason to, a reason to keep living" she said before walking to the door, "Can you stay for breakfast?"

"Were you planning on getting dressed?"

"No, they'd just get in the way if you had any last minute lusts for me to take care of" she said and disappeared out the door.

Harry chuckled, his mood lifting. When had sweet quirky little Luna become such a minx? By the gods he had been gone a long time he thought before following Luna downstairs. Perhaps he did have a lust or two he could deal with before he left.

…

"Excuse me my good sir, I'd like to see the bank manager Ragnok please."

The goblin looked down at the hooded wizard that dared speak the name of their clan leader with such familiarity.

"And is the bank manager expecting you sir?" he said, sure to place as much contempt on the honorific as he could muster.

"No" said the man, "but he'll see me."

The goblin sneered, something his kind were quite good at.

"I'm afraid the bank manager is a busy goblin and can't be expected to entertain every tramp that wanders in off the street" said the teller dismissively.

"Be that as it may, he will see me" said the man certainly.

Now quite annoyed the teller leaned over his desk to better make his point, "Now listen you" he started but never finished.

Staring back at him was a face that would give him nightmares for months and those eyes, those horrible green eyes. Tales were still being told by the survivors who had tried and failed to protect Gringotts the last time this monster had come to call.

"Why don't you run along and let Ragnok know I'm here and would like to see him at his earliest convenience" said Harry Potter in an even calm voice, even as his eyes flashed eerily.

The goblin nodded dumbly but was off like a shot to obey, running like his life depended on it which, he assumed, it did.

It wasn't long before another goblin returned to escort him to the bank manager's office. This one wisely spoke no more than it needed to and very pointedly stepped out of the line of fire when the two armored goblins guarding the door blocked the way.

"Must we really do this, I'd prefer to conduct my business without having to kill someone again" he said with an exasperated sigh.

The guards were uneasy but didn't waver, Harry had to give them credit for that much anyway. He was about to give them something else when the door opened and a very well dressed goblin bade him enter.

"I appreciate your restraint my lord" said the goblin, taking his seat once Harry had taken his.

"I can respect they were simply doing their job, and I've mellowed considerably in fifteen years" he said flippantly.

"Glad to hear it" replied Ragnok.

"So then, let's talk money."

Before leaving on his fifteen year journey he had made his peace with the goblin nation. Making peace had involved injuring thirty two fully armored goblin guards and killing eleven before the bank manager announced that they surrendered. It wasn't his original plan but it had all worked out in the end and with them essentially at his mercy he had worked out a deal.

Part of that deal involved his various assets which he had only just gained access to at the time. Such assets included everything he had inherited from Sirius upon his demise, as well as everything that came from his own family. Both had been considerable and he'd been in quite over his head in how to deal with any of it so he'd given it to the goblins, promising that if they tried to screw him over he would come back and exterminate every single one of them.

At the time he hadn't really meant it but they didn't know that and time had changed him from the overly forgiving boy he had once been. They had best hope he didn't suspect they were being anything but completely honest.

…

"And that Lord Potter is what your account has achieved since last you were here" finished Ragnok two hours later.

"I must say I'm impressed" said Harry, and meant it, "I see I made the right decision trusting you to manage my accounts in my absence."

The goblin nodded accepting the praise, "I trust now that you have returned you will be taking an active hand in their management."

"No" he said.

Ragnok looked surprised though wasn't about to say as much.

"My return is a very temporary thing. I'll be leaving tomorrow evening."

"I see" said Ragnok cautiously, "do you have any further business with Gringotts today Lord Potter?"

"Yes" said Harry, leveling a grave stare at the goblin, "I need to make out my Will."

Ragnok said nothing but nodded, scribbling out a quick missive which vanished the moment it was finished.

"If I may be so bold my lord?" he started wearily.

"You're wondering why, why I should commit my final will and testament to paper when there appears to be nothing wrong with me?"

Ragnok nodded, glad he didn't have to say it.

"Tell me Ragnok, have you ever heard the name, Shao Kahn?"

The goblin looked startled for a moment then steeled, "You've been chosen to fight in the tournament."

"So you know?" said Harry.

"There was a time Lord Potter, when my people had our own world, one we did not have to share with wizards" he said with obvious distaste.

"And now it is but one of many that has become a part of Outworld. I imagine you must hate him even more than you hate wizards" ventured Harry.

"Indeed we do but not for the reasons you would think" Harry raised an eyebrow, "when our world was taken, Kahn was in the service of another."

"Someone more powerful?" Harry had a hard time believing that.

"Outworlds ancient ruler, Onaga the Dragon King."

"And what happened to him?" because Harry had never heard of him, which could only mean he was gone or Raiden was withholding information.

"We don't know exactly though treachery is assumed because when Onaga vanished Shao Kahn took his place as ruler of Outworld."

"Sounds about right."

"You believe you will die at the tournament" said Ragnok, his tone respectfully quiet.

"Perhaps" said Harry, "I've dodged the reaper too many times just getting this far. Eventually I'm going to slip up and he's going to get me. The tournament, it's like a frozen pond, you see the danger but you step out onto it anyway."

Ragnok nodded, he understood, "It is an honor to have known you sir" he said, not an ounce of sarcasm in his words.

"Thank you for that" said Harry, "and while I'm here, there is one more bit of business I need to attend to."

…

It was late afternoon as he strolled through Nocturne Alley. He had checked up on several of his old classmates spying on them to see how they were before moving on. Neville was now teaching Herbology at Hogwarts, no big surprise there. The Patil twins were back in India, both married, to the same man, little surprise there. He'd popped around observing nearly a dozen people but never actually letting any of them know he was there. Now he was just killing time.

Choosing to do this in Nocturne Alley was probably not his best idea but he'd never really gotten a good look at the place and he'd be curious. Which was probably the reason for his current situation, four men, two in front, two behind, all wearing dark cloaks with concealing hoods. He was dressed casual muggle with a pair of jeans and a gray hoody to hide his more distinguishing features. Probably the reason they were trying to mug him.

"Alright fool, hand over your money, now" said the one on the right.

"And you won't hurt me" he said pretending to sound hopeful.

"I don't remember saying that" the man said, pulling his wand and pointing it threateningly.

Harry could only sigh. These fools clearly had no idea what they were getting into and he really didn't feel like dealing with them.

"Look, I've got places to be so I'm giving you four one chance to just turn around and walk away" Harry said, a smooth cylinder sliding unseen into his hand.

"'You're' giving 'us' a chance? Are you stupid or something?" shouted the man on the left, brandishing his wand.

"Let's torture him" said one of the men in back.

"Let's rape his ass" said the other, which made Harry feel dirty.

"Walk away" repeated Harry, "no one has to get hurt."

"Oh you're wrong about that" said the first man, sticking his wand right between Harry's eyes, "someone is definitely going to get hurt."

Alright then, he thought, if that's how they wanna play it.

The cylinder in his hand became a two foot long rod in an instant and was knocking the offending arm away before the spell ever had a chance to leave the wand. The second blow came at the elbow, causing the wand to fall before it could even be used. By that point the others were moving, trying to cast without hurting their comrades.

Harry, having no comrades was not so restricted and sent a punishing sidekick into one the men behind him, the one he thought had suggested raping him. The other one took advantage of his position and fired of a silent spell, a hideous looking pink thing that melted part of the wall it ended up hitting when Harry ducked out of the way.

The man was out of range of his rods swing and made to cast again but took a hit right on the chin when the rod extended yet again into a six foot bo staff.

"Avada Kedavra."

Time seemed to slow as the murder spell flew toward him and he considered his options carefully. Should he

Dodge

Block with his staff or

Throw the nearest body in the way

In the end he simply leaned back out of the way of the poorly aimed spell throwing a look of contempt at the caster who was winding up for another try. He never got the chance as Harry was suddenly within striking range and raining down blows with his staff faster than the other man could even register the hits.

He hit the ground with a final sounding thud, not dead but sorely wishing he was.

"You know I could kill you for throwing that at me" said Harry conversationally, "all legal like to, but then how would you ever learn anything?"

Slamming his staff into the ground an ornate ritual circle appeared underneath the four men with Harry standing at its edge. He chanted in a language none of them understood empowering the circle which latched onto each man. His chanting reached a crescendo and the Circle flashed before dimming and vanishing from sight.

"Well, that ought to about do it" he said, collecting his staff and walking away.

"Avada Kedavra" he heard one of them call after him but he wasn't worried, they'd need their magic for that to work.

"How very restrained of you" his head snapped toward the source of the voice, "the monks must be rubbing off on you."

"Raiden" identified Harry.

A man in white robes wearing a wide brimmed coolie hat stepped out of the shadows.

"What're you doing here?"

"Just checking up on you" said the thunder god.

"Making sure I show up for the boat."

"More like making sure you aren't getting into too much trouble" the guardian of earth realm said with a smirk.

"You know I don't go looking for it" said Harry defensively.

"No, but that has never stopped it from finding you" said Raiden gravely.

Harry recognized a hidden agenda in the thunder god's words, "what's going on?"

"I have received word, two members of the Lin Kuei, Cyrax and Sektor, have been contracted to fight for Outworld in the tournament."

"Sektor, as in the grandmasters son Sektor" said Harry disbelievingly.

Raiden nodded.

"Shit. Well I suppose that tells us where their loyalties lie."

"So it would seem" said Raiden.

"You think they'll come after us, the others fighting for earth realm?"

"I don't know. The rules strictly forbid the Outworld warriors from attacking those of earth realm before the tournament."

"But the Lin Kuei are not from Outworld" finished Harry.

"Exactly. I do not know if we are in danger, which is why I am checking up on our warriors, making them aware of the potential threat" said Raiden.

Harry nodded, "Thank you Raiden" he said with a respectful bow.

Raiden merely nodded, "I will see you at the tournament" he said.

"I'll be there" Harry assured, and in a flash of lightning the thunder god was gone.

…

Fleur Weasley did not like to be kept waiting. Her husband knew better than to do this and Merlin help her this 'client' she was meeting would learn it as well. She did not see the man approach until he was on the steps of Gringotts which gave her little time to properly prepare an appropriate rebuff for his tardiness.

"You are late" she said sternly, like a mother speaking to a misbehaving child.

"So sorry" he said, "time just got away from me."

He did not sound the least bit repentant but she was forced to restrain her temper. The goblins had impressed upon her the importance of this client and she did not wish to lose her job simply to satisfy her temper.

"Very well, shall we be going then?"

"I took the liberty of picking out a spot this afternoon, I hope you don't mind" he said.

She most certainly did mind but never got the chance to express it as he grabbed her by the arm and together they vanished. Reappearing in a small field by a single tree Fleur ripped her arm free when she had regained her balance. The little tree had been decorated in small orbs of light and a blanket had been set out beneath it sporting a pair of candles and a picnic basket. It was a most romantic setting which boiled her blood.

"Hope you don't mind" he said, "thought we might have a spot of dinner."

Fleur rounded on the infuriating man ready to tell him of right and proper but froze when that man removed his hood to reveal a face she had not seen in fifteen years.

"Arry" she whispered, disbelieving her own eyes.

"You were expecting Voldemort" he quipped with a lopsided smile.

For the second time in as many days he was tackle hugged by a Veela. Oh the humanity.

"Arry you rapscallion, where ave you been?" she demanded, "Oh I must tell Victoire, she has so desperately wanted to meet you."

Harry chuckled, "Yeah, funny story actually…"

…

Later that night Harry returned Fleur to Shell Cottage, this trip being a bit easier for her than the last. She hugged him at the door.

"Oh Arry, the trouble you get into, Mon dieu" she said but smile at him anyway.

"What can I say?" he said.

Fleur just shook her head, placing a tender kiss on each cheek, "Goodnight Mon frère."

He stood and watched her enter the house before he left. It had been a nice visit. Not quite as nice as his visit with Luna but still nice. That of course left just one more person, and he knew he'd have to put up with her husband at some point so he decided to find himself a nice train to sleep in and worry about it in the morning.

…

Hermione Weasley was in a good mood, stellar one might even say. Her husband was at work and her son was spending the week with his grandmother as a reward for behaving when they'd dropped of his sister at that Hogwarts express. That meant Hermione had time to herself, it was a unique experience. Oddly enough she found herself at the market buying food. Keeping her husband fed was roughly the equivalent of feeding a horse and required no small amount of forethought and planning. Doing it on a budget was next to impossible but she had years of practice at this point.

Her arms were full as she trudged toward the floo so it was no surprise she didn't see the man until she crashed into him.

"Oh my goodness I am so sorry" she exclaimed, scrambling to collect her runaway produce before it was stepped on.

"Looks like you could use a hand there love."

Her hand froze mid grasp, she knew that voice and she turned to look at the face of the man she hadn't seen in fifteen years. And she had thought her day couldn't possibly get any better.

…

"Hermione I'm home" shouted Ron as he came through the door.

"How was work" his wife shouted back.

"Bloody awful" he groused, "bunch a blokes came in claiming they was minding their own business the other night when some other bloke shows up beats all and steals their magic."

"How horrible."

"Yeah, but get this, one of em actually had the nerve to say it was Harry Potter what did it can you believe" he said absently strolling into the living room.

"Absolute rubbish."

Ron whirled, drawing his wand to point at the intruder in his home but didn't take into account the foot stool and ended up 'whirling' himself right to the floor with his wand sent flying into the air.

"Good reflexes but still needs some work I think" said Harry sitting in a comfy chair with a magazine in hand.

"Harry, bloody hell where'd you come from" exclaimed Ron.

"Well that's a fine hello" said Harry, "nice eye by the way, some little girl beat you up when you tried to steal her candy?"

Ron wanted to retort, he really did, but he was interrupted by something far more important.

"Dinner."

…

"Well that Hermione was delicious" said Harry which made Hermione beam.

"You really think so?" she asked as though her whole life depended on the answer.

"I can safely say I haven't had a meal like that in far too many years" he said.

"Eh, was okay" said Ron drunkenly.

Hermione's smile became a frown almost instantly.

"You alright there Ron?" asked Harry.

Ron looked blearily at Harry for a moment the face planted right onto his plate, a loud snore following soon after.

"Finally" declared Harry, "I thought that sleeping draught would never kick in."

"Sleeping draught, but why…"

"I didn't come here to see Ron" said Harry, offering his hand, "Fancy a walk in the garden?"

…

The garden behind the house was a small affair but nice none the less. It seemed clear Hermione was the only one to frequent it as there was still a book sitting on the stone bench where she'd left it a week ago.

"I'm really sorry about Ron" said Hermione, setting down next to her book.

"Don't apologize for him Hermione" said Harry, "he's old enough he can make his own apologies."

"He won't" she said certainly.

"It's alright" said Harry, "I'll be gone before he wakes up anyway."

"When do you have to leave?" she asked.

"Soon" he said, pulling out a pocket watch and checking the time, "The boat leaves at midnight."

"Harry, why does this feel like you're saying goodbye?" there were tears in her eyes and he hated himself for being the one to put them there.

"Hermione, I wish I could tell you, so many things I wish I could tell you. But, there just isn't time, and knowing would only make you worry when there's nothing you could do about any of this."

"I could help, I could!" she insisted, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Hermione" he said, taking her by the head and resting his forehead against hers, "this is bigger than you can possibly imagine. It's not just some lunatic out murdering people for sport. For me Voldemort was just a warm-up for this and we're not just talking England, or Europe, we're talking about the fate of the entire world."

"But why you?" she begged.

"Because Hermione, this is what I do" he said with finality.

She sniffled, and then lunged, wrapping her friend in a hug and crying on his shoulder. There was nothing he could do but hold her and so he did. He hated himself for making her worry, hated himself for making her cry, but it was out of his hands, he had chosen his path and now he had to walk it.

The sound of wings drew their attention and Hermione stopped crying in time to see a regal looking owl land on the back of the bench with a letter in its talon. Being distraught Hermione reached for the letter only to be stopped by Harry.

"Don't" he said, "There's magic on it."

With a casual snap of his wrist the letter flew from the owl and opened itself. The missive was short and to the point, an invitation to meet with the Dark Lord Varxis. The magic he had spotted was portkey magic. Obviously the Dark Lord hadn't expected him to spot it in time.

Looking at his watch he pondered for a moment, "Yeah I should have just about enough time to handle this."

"Handle… Harry, it's obviously a trap" exclaimed Hermione.

"Naturally" he said, rising from the bench and shooing the bird away, "One more warm-up before the main event."

"Harry" she said, ready to burst into tears again.

He smiled, a warm genuine smile. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead then, taking the letter in hand he vanished. Once alone she let her sorrow out, and since there was no one to hear her she felt no compunctions to maintain her dignity while she did so.

…

The shipyard in the night was surprisingly active as men continued to work despite the late hour. Harry appeared in a brief flash of lightning which barely drew any attention, clearly these men were used to odd happenings and were wise enough not to get involved in them.

"Hello Harry."

Luna Lovegood stood there waiting for him, clothed this time.

"Hello Luna."

"How did you find the new dark lord?" she queried, as if she didn't already know.

"Pitiful."

He was saved from an awkward silence by the arrival of a very old, very scary, looking boat.

"Looks like my ride's here" he said.

"Remember what I said."

"I know" he replied, "Victory will belong to another."

She shook her head, "A reason to keep living" she said, then grabbed him by the head and kissed him fiercely, "We'll be waiting when you get back."

"We" he said, both dazed and now confused.

Taking his hand she pressed it against her abdomen, "We" she said.

His eyes grew wide as she stepped back and with a crack, vanished. She couldn't mean, could she. A smile spread over his face. That sneaky little minx, he thought. And just like that the cloud of doubt and gloom that had been hanging over his head was gone. He might not win the tournament, but he would survive, for her, for them.

It was with a surprisingly light step that he boarded the boat and set out for the island.

"Let Mortal Kombat begin" he said with a stupid grin on his face.


	24. 23 Peace, Calm, Tranquility

Peace, Calm, Tranquility

They were high up in the mountains, it was cold and the wind blew with a wicked howl across the peaks. Ten men in maroon robes being led by another dressed like a Sherpa were making their way up the mountain. The Sherpa moved with awkward lethargic strides, his face blank and unexpressive.

"Are we almost there" shouted a man from the back.

"Cave is just ahead, around the next bend" said the Sherpa without emotion.

"Finally" exclaimed the one at the front shoving the man out of the way and charging forward.

Pushing the unresponsive man out of the way also sent him plummeting off the side of the trail and down the mountain.

"Nice job Weasley, ya just killed the guide" said one of the men.

"Who cares, he was just a muggle" said Auror Ron Weasley, "plenty more where he came from."

"Yeah, but how are we supposed to get back down then" the man said, obviously less concerned about the careless murder and more about his own well-being.

"We just go back the way we came, it's not that difficult" said Ron condescendingly.

"Are you sure we're even gonna find him up here?" said another, pulling his robes tightly around himself to stave off the cold.

"Look, all our resources say he's on this mountain and according to the locals there's only one man supposed to be up here and he matches the description" said Ron, annoyed.

"Yeah, but what if their wrong" the man argued.

"Well why didn't you bring this up before we climbed the mountain" groused Ron, "this is no time to be getting cold feet Johnson."

"Cold feet, I wish I had cold feet, I can't even feel my feet" shouted the man from the back.

"Let's just get moving, the sooner we find he the sooner we can leave" shouted Ron.

Trudging ahead they found the cave easily and were quickly inside. The temperature was noticeably higher and away from the wind it was just all around more comfortable which the ten aurors were thankful for. That is until they ventured further inside.

"Sweet Circe" muttered one at what they saw.

Stalagmites and stalactites jutted from the floor and ceiling like pointy teeth and decorating most of them were the bodies of the dead. One particularly large stalagmite had thirteen bodies piled one on top of another reaching all the way to the floor with just the tip poking out of the top most body while numerous stalactites somehow had bodies hanging from them, gorily defying gravity.

"What the bloody hell happened here" exclaimed Ron.

"You think it was him?" said Johnson, "you think he could have done it?"

The thought had all of them looking around like the shadows themselves might reach out and snatch them. Ron was about to tell them all to stop acting like sissies when he hear a sound, faint but constant.

"You hear that" he said absently.

"Oh shit, oh shit" one of his men began chanting.

"He's coming for us, we'll never get out of here alive" whimpered another.

"Would you lot stop crying like a bunch of little girls" said Ron angrily, "come on, I think it's this way."

Heading toward the noise with his men following frightfully behind, the wove through the cave the bodies growing more and more numerous as they did so till they were forced to walk on them just to keep going. All the while the chanting grew louder though they were still unable to make out the words.

Finally they came to an opening and they froze on the spot. At the far side was a man in a classical meditation pose, seated upon a platform made entirely of human skull. The man had messy black hair which shot off in every direction but did nothing to obscure the very distinct scar on his forehead.

Despite the horrific scene Ron stepped forward "Harry…"

"Go away" said Harry, neither his eyes opening nor his body moving an inch but for the slightest motion of his lips.

Ron scowled at the dismissal, fine if he wants to be that way, thought the youngest Weasley son.

"Harry Potter, you've been summoned by the ministry of magic to return to Britain, we are here to make sure you get there" he said officiously.

Harry made no response, his lips moving but no sound could be heard.

"Oy, Potter, you deaf, get your arse up" shouted Ron, his temper flaring more quickly than usual.

"Gooooo away" Harry moaned, "Please."

"Weren't you listening, you're going back to Britain, now get up" commanded Ron.

"You don't know what you're doing" said Harry, his face contorting in pain, "You have to go."

"This fool if creeping me out" said one of the aurors.

"Let's just stun his arse and get out of here" said another.

Ron, seeing Harry was ignoring them and muttering to himself decided his subordinate had a good idea.

The stunner seemed to travel the distance especially slow, hitting the unwary body easily. His form folded in half as though asleep. None of them paid any mind when a wind blew through the cave that gave of a suspicious sound like someone hissing "No".

Ron walked forward to collect the unconscious body but stopped when it moved, sitting back up with a decidedly frightening smile on its face. The chuckle that followed sent shivers down the spine of all the 'battle hardened' aurors but it was Ron Weasley who personally pissed himself when it opened its eyes to reveal two glowing red orbs.

"Take him down" squealed Ron, pointing his wand at the monster before him.

Said monster barely paid any mind to the minor threat instead booming out in a demonic voice, "You weak pathetic fools, I'll devour your souls."

Any signs of well-honed discipline vanished and it was every man for himself as the cavern was filled with the echoes of dying screams and a madman's laughter.

…

Harry Potter sat upon his pavilion of skulls meditating.

Peace, Calm, Tranquility.

The stench of death and fresh blood permeated his nostrils but he refused to let it break his concentration.

Peace, Calm, Tranquility.

It had happened again, someone had found him and his personal demon had gotten out. How foolish they were to believe a man who had delved so far into the dark could be so easily killed.

Peace, Calm, Tranquility.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

He flinched at the mocking mantra. He did that sometimes just for his amusement because he knew it irritated Harry. That was why he was in the cave after all, meditating, trying to keep him at bay. But Voldemort was nothing if not a patient and cunning foe. Others would come, he would get out again, and it was all Harry could do to keep the monster contained till then.

Peace, Calm, Tranquility.

Discord, Chaos, Anarchy.

He would not give up, he would not let the monster go looking for victims. He could do little to help the fools who 'came' looking but he could still protect the innocents by keeping them both far away from anyone or anything worth the monsters attention. And he would do it, for as long as he lived, which for him was going to be a long, long time.

Peace, Calm, Tranquility.

Peace, Calm, Tranquility.

Repeat, ad, nauseam.


	25. 24 Chimera

Chimera

They would be there soon. The sounds of violence from outside had finally fallen to silence and the blast that had signaled the opening of the door had been several minutes ago. They would be there soon.

A dark haired man sat at a lone desk in the center of the room, looking over some papers before nodding his head and setting them down in his out box where they promptly vanished. Now all there was to do was to wait.

"Do you think it will take them long Kali?" he asked the tiger sitting at his feet, "I really can't be waiting forever to deal with them."

The tiger rumbled, then rose and placed her head in his lap as if to say, 'who cares, now pet me'.

The man chuckled but did as bade, scratching behind her ears in the way he knew she like.

"You are such an attention whore" he said even as the tiger purred under his hands.

Suddenly the purring stopped, and her head turned to the door.

"Ah, that would be them" he said, casually throwing up a shield in preparation for the coming explosion.

It came a moment later, the door fragmenting into tiny pieces which was really something considering what it was made out of. They rushed in behind the explosion, seven of them, bloody and battered and panting like they'd just run a marathon. They formed up just inside the door and waited for the dust to clear, anticipating an attack though none came. Then the dust began to move strangely, and they realized it was being sucked out the window by a powerful vacuum.

"Well, that was Very dramatic" said the man behind the desk, finally coming into their view.

"Harry!"

Harry chuckled, "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here Ron" he said.

"This ends now Harry, come quietly or we'll put you down" Ron snarled.

"Well that's a fine way to say hello" commented Harry, barely paying the invaders any attention while still petting the tiger who had given them a cursory glance and decided they weren't worthy of her attention.

"This isn't a social call Potter" said another auror, pointing his wand threateningly.

"Such a pity, isn't it Kali" he said, stroking the tiger who clearly wasn't listening, "and I had so hoped to show off my newest creation."

"We got a good look at your creations before we came up" said one of the aurors defensively.

"Oh those, no, no, those were old experiments, failures I'm afraid" he said shaking his head but then smiling, "But you learn more from failure than success."

"Disgusting monsters" declared one, "you should have destroyed them yourself."

"Well, that's your opinion" said Harry, "but I am not so quick to kill just because it is convenient."

"Why don't you tell that to all those people you killed then" shouted Ron, "good wizards and witches dead because you couldn't control your freaks."

Harry's hands froze and Kali let out a warning growl. Immediate bloodshed was prevented however when a new voice joined in.

"And I suppose you'd be the authority of what is and is not a freak."

Harry turned his head away from the aurors to the shadows behind him, "Pavana, when did you get here?"

A woman emerged from the shadows clad in a black sari with a dark gray hood concealing most of her head, all but her face in fact which revealed her to be of Indian descent.

"Long enough to hear these fools pass their judgments. How very like wizards" she said disdainfully.

"Alright that's enough" commanded Ron, "I don't know who 'you' are but if you're in league with him we're taking you in as well."

"Oh yes, there's that stellar wizarding law at work" quipped Harry, "come within ten feet of the target and become a target yourself" he chuckled, standing and approaching the dark clad woman.

"Disgusting filth" she scoffed, but softened when he took her chin in his hand.

"Now, now, none of that." He said, "You can't expect dogs to behave any other way."

She cooed as his knowing hands stroked her cheek, her tongue, long and forked came out and vibrated in a way that was clearly a happy gesture. The aurors didn't know what to say though that had never stopped Ron Weasley from talking before.

"That's disgusting."

"That's the last thing anyone wants to hear from the human garbage disposal."

Once again the aurors turned in shock to the newest entry in the conversation and were justifiably confused when it turned out to be a tree. Then the tree moved, its bent posture stretching out revealing a very feminine form, its long vines covered in light yellow flowers taking the place of what was once long golden tresses and dark bark serving as exotically colored skin. When she opened her eyes the assembled men couldn't help but be entranced by the limpid blue pools which conveyed such emotion they wished nothing more than to fall to their knees and worship her.

But these were aurors and not common men, and besides, they hadn't forgotten the tiger or the man they had come for standing not fifteen feet away.

"You're awake Mellow, I thought you'd be sleeping" said Harry conversationally.

"I couldn't" she said, "Too many bad vibrations."

"So…" started Ron distractedly, "Surrounding yourself with freaks Potter?"

Once again Ron Weasley's premature demise was halted when the tiger put her front paws up on the desk and spoke.

"You really shouldn't keep saying that, he doesn't like it."

The aurors watched in horror as the tiger morphed into a woman, but not any common woman. Her skin was covered in a fine fur which held true to her feline color scheme and her teeth where far more pronounced than humans, sharper and more beast like. All of this however paled in comparison to her obvious assets, her lithe athletic build or the wicked ferocity so evident in her eyes that while frightening was at the same time alluring as well.

"What is this your bloody harem?" shouted Ron.

"Something like that" he said, ceasing his ministrations on Pavana who looked quite miffed at the lack of attention, "they, like the beasts you fought at the foot of my spire, are my creations".

"Had to make your own fuck toys, pathetic" said Ron with a vindictive smirk.

"Because potioning some girl to the gills so you can lead her down the aisle before raping her is so much better" said Harry, satisfied with the shock on Ron's face at his dirty little secret revealed.

"How did you know… I mean, shut up Potter" he shouted weakly, his wand hand trembling.

"Yes, perhaps once you're dead I'll pay her a visit, comfort her a bit, give her a taste of what a real man is like" said Harry with a salacious grin.

"FUCKING DIE" screamed Ron, followed by a very familiar curse, "AVADA KEDAVRA".

Everyone in the room tensed as the green spell flew, everyone that is except Harry who stood their unconcerned as the death spell came. He rocked back only a little when it connected, looking far more annoyed than anything else, quite an accomplishment after being hit with a murder spell.

"Now that just was not nice" said Harry.

Ron was visibly trembling now, not just his hand either.

"Just what kind of freak are you?" he demanded in a frightened girlish squeal.

Kali could only grin as there was no one left to interrupt and save the fool this time when her master, her perfector, vanished in a blast of fire only to reappear across the room with his arm shoved into the ginger's chest.

"That was three times you said that word" said Harry in a low growl as Ron gaped, "three strikes, and you're out."

With that said Harry ripped his hand from his one-time friend's chest, bringing along his heart and a fountain of blood. The other aurors were too stunned by the casual carnage to even twitch.

"Kill them" said Harry casually.

That got their attention but too late as the three women surged forward to obey. Harry ignored the sounds of battle, his full attention on the dying fool at his feet.

"To answer your question Ron, about what kind of 'freak' I am" said Harry gravely, leaning in to look the man in the eye, "I am a self-made one."

That said, Ron Weasley expired, eyes still open, mouth still agape like a fish. He would never know the whole truth, not that he would have understood it anyway. He would never know of what had driven his once friend to do what he had done. He would never know of the incredible advances in the art of Chimera creation his former roommate had achieved. He would never even know the fate of his wife who would be found missing not one week later.

But that was alright. Harry would take care of her, once he had fixed her. He had done it before, three times to be exact, four if he were to count himself. After all, one did not simply go shrugging off Killing Curses without a little improvement, now did they?


	26. 25 Signed in blood

Signed in Blood

…Contracts

"So it is agreed?"

The woman pulled her hood close, she was deeply regretting her decision to come to this man. It wasn't that he was harsh or unkind, or even difficult to look at, quit the opposite in fact, there was just something about him that put her on edge, an aura of danger that made her feel like a mouse staring down a cat.

"Your request is not an unreasonable one" said the man, "but what price are you willing to pay."

"Money is no object" she stated truthfully, there was no price she was not willing to pay for this.

"Money dear lady is of no interest to me" he said, looking at her with those piercing green eyes.

She shivered under his stare, reaching down for the buttons of her blouse.

"Nor is that" he said before she could even get the first button undone.

"But I…" she started.

"Do not misunderstand, you are attractive enough but I could walk down the street and pull a dozen attractive birds into my bed any time I wish" he said without boast, "besides, I don't go playing with other men's wives."

Her cheeks turned red at his rebuff, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply"

"You are desperate, I understand" he said kindly, "I do not consider it a black mark on your character, that you desire this so much speaks well of you."

She couldn't help but smile a little. Dangerous though he seemed he was not unkind, but still, what price could he possible ask.

"Your associate who referred you to me, she explained that my means are more than what others might consider possible yes?"

She nodded, the Lady DuBois had explained to her though she had been hard pressed to believe it at the time.

"Then you will not find it odd that what I want from you is not so common a thing as you would normally pay" he said, his tone graven, serious.

"Any price" she reiterated, frightened yet resolved.

He nodded, and pulled a sheaf of parchment from the drawer of his desk. The writing on it was eloquent, like something out of a fairytale book.

"For what you ask my price is this" he said, "One year."

"One year?" she repeated, confused.

"For the cost of one year of your life, I will give you what you want" he said, leaning back in his chair, giving her the chance to mull it over.

And mull she did for what he asked was preposterous and yet, what choice did she have. She had tried everything else, sought out every avenue both legal and illegal. She was out of options except this.

"So be it" she said.

The man looked grave but nodded and she watched in horror and fascination as writing appeared on the parchment, the agreement all spelled out with two empty lines on the bottom. The man took an odd looking quill and handed it to her.

"Lady's first" he said.

Bracing herself she struck down her name, ignoring the itching feel on the back of her hand. She handed it back to him and watched as he too put down his name. She was surprised to see an odd sort of scar on the back of his writing hand. If she hadn't known better she would have sworn it look like the words 'I will not tell lies', but surely she must have imagined it.

"It is done" he said, his words spoken quietly felt as like a thunderclap.

From his desk he took a small tablet and handed it to her.

"Take that, go home, bed your husband" he instructed, "In nine months your child will be born, strong and healthy."

"Truly, you promise" could he promise, she thought when all the others who had done so had lied.

"In nine months' time your child 'will' be born" he stated, his words leaving no room for dissent.

The woman felt as though she might cry, she had given up all hope of ever having a child.

"Thank you sir, thank you so much" she said with watery eyes.

"The payment shall fit the price" he said, "when the agreement is fulfilled I shall come, and I shall collect. Until then, good luck."

The woman left, her heart soaring, her husband would never see it coming but was unlikely to complain.

The man took the contract and placed it in a folder with all his other active contracts, briefly leafing through to see if any of them needed collecting. He was interrupted by a knock at his door. Putting the file away he gave a wave from his desk and the door opened.

A man stood outlined in the door, every inch of his person screaming wealth and privilege. The man behind the desk gave a wicked smile hidden by the shadows of the room. It was going to be one of those contracts with this one, he was sure.

"Come in good sir, how may I help you?"

"A fine question" said the man, "I hear you can get me what I want is all."

"Very possibly" he agreed, "but to do that I must know what you want."

"Well what does any man really want" said the stranger, plopping down in the available chair like he owned it.

"Hearth, home, family?" offered the man behind the desk.

"Oh no, no, already got all that" he said, casually lighting his pipe, "No what I want is a bit more in the monetary sense you see, coffers aren't quite as full as they used to be and I'm afraid it's only getting worse."

That seemed highly unlikely given the man's attire, did he really think he was fooling anyone going around like that. It was then and there he determined the price for his services to this man, regardless of what he asked for the man was a liar and he was going to rake him cross the coals as hard as he could.

"So tell me then, what is it you want, and what are you willing to pay?"

…Collecting

The place was the very definition of decadence. The floor was rich shag carpet covered in large plush pillows. The walls were plastered with expensive modern art, mostly copies but they looked expensive and that was all that mattered. The couch was red leather and that was where he sat, a voluptuous girl on either arm, one feeding him grapes from a bowl the other nibbling on his neck and whispering sweet nothings in his ear while all around a half dozen others lounged about serving no greater purpose than to improve the scenery.

It was in the midst of this scene that he appeared without warning, His long black coat and wide brimmed hat a stark contrast to the vibrant colors surrounding him. Thus it was no surprise that his sudden appearance caused quite a stir.

"Great buggering hell" the rich man shouted while the women only screamed in fright.

"Well put" said the man in black.

"Who the hell are you? How the hell did you get in here?" she rich man demanded while trying to catch his breath.

The man in black said nothing but pulled a rolled up piece of parchment from his coat. The parchment unrolled itself and floated lazily before the rich man.

"A deal is a deal, I have come to collect" he said, "Thank you for your time ladies, you can go."

The assembled women needed no further incentive and were gone as fast as their bare feet could carry them.

The rich man looked miffed though his fear had waned.

"I remember you now" he said, "wha do you want?"

"Weren't you listening, I've come to collect" he repeated.

"No, no, I remember what we agreed on and you said and I quote 'satisfaction guaranteed'" said the rich man gesturing harshly.

"I did indeed say that" agreed the man in black, his hands calmly brushing the orb at the end of the cane he held in his hand.

"Well ya know what, I'm not satisfied yet, in fact I don't think I'll ever be satisfied" declared the rich man pompously.

"Of that I have little doubt" said the man in black, "but that is of no consequence. If you recall, I never said whose satisfaction was guaranteed, now did I?"

The rich man look confounded, as though he'd just been told a joke and missed the punch line.

"You silly simple little man" he said shaking his head, "it was never about your satisfaction" he clarified.

"What the hell are you talking about, of course it was" demanded the rich man.

"No, it was about mine" said the man in black, "And I assure you I am quite satisfied. Satisfied you are a loathsome pathetic blight upon humanity. Satisfied you are a liar, a cheat, and completely deserving of the fate you have brought upon yourself."

The room seemed to lose its color the longer the man in black spoke, the darkness surrounding the rich man, trapping him as his mistake became clear.

"No, it's not true, I don't care what you say, you can't" he shouted in fear.

"And now, with the contract completed, I've come to collect."

"No, noooooo" he squealed.

"YOUR SOUL IS MINE."

The cane lashed out and invisible force taking hold of something deep within the rich man and with a good yank, it was pulled free, a withered ghostly version of himself, his soul no longer his own was wrenched from his body. The disembodied spirit had only a moment to stare at his corporeal form before it was pulled into the orb which glowed momentarily before going still once again.

The rich man who had been pulled to his feet fell back on the couch, limp, flaccid. The body continued to function, the lungs to breathe and the heart to beat but it would not last. Without a soul a body could not continue for long.

With a satisfied nod the man in black took the contract, rolled it back up and returned it to his coat. That was one down but he still had one more to collect on before he could call it a night.

…

The woman looked down at her son, asleep in his crib with a smile. She could not have been more happy. For so long she had feared the day would never come, that she would never know the joys of motherhood. But it had, her great triumph had arrived strong and healthy and bawling his lungs out. It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard, her husband agreed.

"A fine looking child."

She was startled but the voice and leapt back on instinct, knocking over a table in the process. She was shocked when the table and the bottle upon it stopped mere inches from the ground.

"Shhh, we don't want to wake the baby" said the man in black, giving a flick of his wrist and setting the table and bottle back where they had been.

"You… who are you?" she asked fearfully, edging closer to her son should the need arise to protect him.

"Have you forgotten me already mum" he said with a chuckle, "twas barely more than nine months since you last saw me" he said removing his hat to reveal a mess of black hair and his piercing green eyes.

Her own eyes went wide at the sight, "You" she said knowingly, "I… I had thought."

"That I was a dream" he said, "a delusion brought on by desperation and despair" he chuckled at this, "don't worry, happens more often than you'd think."

"So, it was real? Then, you're here"

"I am here, because the terms of the contract have been fulfilled" he said, casually approaching the crib.

Casual or no she stepped between them, fear coursing through her but not enough for her to abandon her child.

"Peace mum" he said putting a hand on her shoulder, "No harm shall come to your child by 'my' hand" he assured her.

There was a sincerity in his tone that quelled her fears though she remained at his side as he peered down at her child.

"He is strong, and healthy?" the man asked, brushing an errant strand of hair from the boy's face.

"Yes" she said, "Just as you promised. But, how?"

"Did I accomplish it" he finished for her, "trust me, it's better you not know too much" he assured her.

"I see" she said, "then you've come to collect what we agreed?"

"Yes" he said simply, offering her his hand.

Timidly she took it, the pain that seized her greater than the entire childbirth. It was over in seconds but seemed to have gone on so very much longer. Her strength sapped she tottered and would have fallen but the man was there, lifting her up and depositing her limp form in the rocking chair.

"That will do mum, that will do" he said.

"So, we are" she said weakly.

"We are square" he said, collecting his hat and turning to her, "and, spirits willing, you will never see me again."

And with that the man in black faded from sight and from memory as her fatigue took hold and she fell into a deep sleep. She would awaken the next morning with and give not a thought of the man who had fulfilled her wish, nor of the price she had paid.

… Recollections

Harry Potter sat in his office combing through his most recent contract collections. He smiled when he came to the good women whose only desire was to have a child. It was these rare contracts that kept him from losing all hope in humanity. It was contracts like the rich man that were by far the more common however, though he took some satisfaction in destroying such people, it was no less than they deserved.

The lady DuBois whom had referred the good woman to him had been such a case. She had possessed wealth beyond what most ever dreamed of but was unsatisfied because her husband did not let her have whatever she desired. Her wish was his death that she might take control of the family funds. She too had tried to pay with her body and had been most put out when he refused. Likely it was this that had clouded her judgment into agreeing to his price. For the life of her husband she would owe three other lives under her purview.

The family was wealthy and had many servants which she assumed would be sufficient. She had been further lulled into complacence when he had agreed to determine the lives to be paid at the time of collection. He could practically see the cogs turning in her head as she plotted how best to use her time and when he had come to collect she offered him three homeless street urchins she had taken into her house and were thus technically under her purview.

She had been shocked when he had refused, pointing out that the contract did not state she would be the one to choose. He had punished the cold hearted woman by taking her three sons as payment. When she had railed against him he had cursed her barren so that she might never again know the warmth of family.

He had little doubt her intentions were less than benign when she had referred the good mother to him but it had worked out in the end.

Too bad old tom had never been so clever, and a pity he hadn't known then what he knew now. It had never been the horcrux that had kept him alive all that time they merely kept the wraith that had been Tom Marvolo Riddle from passing on. Without his connection to his minions his spirit would have simply faded away, problem solved. Even with his new ritual created body it was his subordinates that kept him alive.

If Harry had known that he would have gone on a massacre so bloody as to be told for centuries to come. Not a single marked follower would have remained and the dark lord would have been helpless before him. Ah well, hindsight was twenty twenty, he mused, even when you wore glasses.

But he had learned from his enemy, and there was no shortage of people willing to sell their souls to fulfill their desires. Sure he could just as easily take them by force but the contract made it so much easier, neater. And besides, why take what people were so willing to give.

Greedy ignorant fools.


	27. 26 Castle in the Sky

Castle in the Sky

Harry hunters, that's what they were called. Hermione thought the name odd for some reason, she wasn't sure why but she just knew Harry himself wouldn't like it. They were, for all intents and purposes the last hope for magical Britain, possibly even the world if things kept going the way they were.

Varxis, the new dark lord had first appeared seven years after the defeat of Voldemort. He was small time then and foolishly people ignored him, trusting in their war hardened auror force to bring him in. They were most disappointed when two years later they had yet to succeed and his first big attack went off without a hitch, the sacking of Hogsmead.

It was at this point people started to sit up and take notice. And by sit up and take notice it meant yelling and screaming at the ministry to fucking do something. Being that the Minister himself was a former auror action came swiftly and unforgivables were immediately authorized. The whole of magical Britain cheered when the very next time he appeared the Dark Lord Varxis took an AK right in the face.

The whole of magical Britain wept when not a week later he appeared again, no worse for the wear. This started a series of deaths that seemed to have absolutely no effect on him. It was even worse than Voldemort who had only resurrected himself once. Varxis simply refused to stay dead and grew more arrogant with each return. So arrogant that he told them how he was doing it.

They Eye of Wedjat, an artifact so old and powerful it was thought even by magical people to be a myth. The reality however was this mythical power had been hidden away for centuries because of the potential abuse. How he had found it no one knew but the revelation of the Dark Lords apparent invincibility sapped the fight out of most of Magical Britain.

Things had only gotten worse from there, not satisfied to terrorize the magical population he had started going after the muggles as well. Her majesty's government was not pleased, to say the least. The Prime Minister himself had paid Kingsley Shacklebolt a visit and given him a dressing down that had every ear in the building ringing. He was told in no uncertain terms "fix the problem, or there will be no more magical Britain".

The Prime Minister had threatened to dissolve the autonomy of the Ministry of Magic and put his own people in charge. There had been more than a little outrage and people shouting "he can't do that", but they were wrong, he could, and the Minister had no doubt he would if something wasn't done. Fortunately for Kingsley he didn't have long to worry about it as only a month later a failed attack on the ministry succeeded in shuffling the Minister off the mortal coil.

The Prime minister returned after that, bringing his people with him. All were shocked to find his people were magical, muggleborns working for MI5 who immediately took charge of every department in the ministry. It did little good in the conflict especially when everyone resisted the change and as years dragged on without a break their hope of ever putting an end to the conflict began to wane.

Then it happened, barely a month after her husband was finally killed by a raid that cut the entire auror force in half, she was summoned to the ministry to meet with the Prime minister himself. She was surprisingly calm as she attended her meeting, the loss of her husband easier to bear than she thought it would be. It might have helped that her children were with their grandmother so she didn't have to deal with them but who could say.

She was greeted cordially and asked to take a seat. Their situation was explained to her in detail and then they came to the crux of the matter.

"We cannot win" he had said, "as we are now we haven't the manpower, the resources, nor the means to put an end to this conflict definitively. We need help."

"I'll do whatever I can to help" she had said without pause.

"I've no doubt you will Mrs. Weasley, but it's not you that we expect to put Varxis down for good, no offense."

"Well then, what do you need me for?"

The Prime minister stood and began to pace behind his desk.

"You were directly involved in the war with the last dark lord, one of three who are attributed in our files as being primarily responsible for his ultimate demise" he had started, and Hermione had a pretty good idea where he was going.

"You want Harry" she said.

"No ma'am, we need Harry Potter. He's the only man alive with the combat experience we need to fight Varxis and the only man we know of who has already beaten one dark lord."

"So you need me to talk to him?"

"No, we need you to help us find him."

Harry Potter had not been seen in over a decade, since barely a year after his triumph over the dark lord Voldemort. No one knew where he was despite the best efforts of the unspeakables and Hermione was eager to get started. One year later she was extremely frustrated. Even with the blood left in the deluminator they hadn't been able to pin him down and every time they thought they had him he would move again, it was maddening.

The worst part was the signals were coming from all over the world. Finally, on a day of no real consequence, they were running the ritual again for the umpteenth time when they got something. They tried it again, expecting it to have moved and were shocked when the signal came back in the exact same location.

A team was sent to the spot to confirm and returned with tales of a floating castle. The higher ups, Hermione included, didn't know what to think but found it safe to assume that Harry and the floating castle were likely connected. It seemed like the sort of thing he'd be involved with, had been Hermione's thought.

Thus the Harry hunters had come. The leader of the group was a woman named Chastity who was one of the few people with direct access to the Prime minister. It was there hope that Harry would return with them when he heard what was going on but being somewhat pragmatic about the situation they were prepared to negotiate as well, that being why Chastity was leading the group.

They portkeyed into the spot and got their first look at the castle. Hermione could admit she was impressed. She had seen Hogwarts and Hogwarts had nothing on this place. It was architecturally magnificent, three tiers all connected by vast stretching archways and buttresses but what was most curious was the propellers. Two rings of propellers, one encircling the floating island and the other ringing the second tier gave the whole place a sort of steam punk fantasy look. It was hard to tell what function they served as they were clearly not what was actually holding the place up but that wasn't what the Harry hunters were there to determine.

"Alright people, let's get up there before it floats away" said Chastity.

They all had a chuckle at that but mounted their brooms and took off after their leader, Hermione's knuckles turning white at the strength of her grip, Merlin she hated flying.

They touched down on the outer most ring and couldn't help but pause in awe. It was even more magnificent up close. There was a vast lawn stretching out to the edge of the island from the castle itself dotted with flower beds and trees all arranged so artistically yet at the same time looking so completely natural it took ones breath away.

"Well I'll say this much" said Chastity, "he certainly does have a nice garden."

All present couldn't help but agree. Hermione thought to make a comment but was interrupted when a massive shadow passed overhead. All eyes turned to the sky as a massive darkly colored bird flew over them. One of the Harry hunters panicked and threw a spell at the titanic raptor. Whatever it was the bird paid it no mind as the spell fizzled against its feathers.

Flying on the bird disappeared behind the castle, all of them stared after it, rightly frightened that it might come back.

"What the bloody hell was that" shouted the one who had fired on it.

"That was the biggest ruddy bird I've ever seen" declared another.

"Sweet Merlin, you think that was his pet or something?" another asked.

"Who's pet?"

All turned to the intruding voice, frantically pointing their wands but it was Chastity, who carried no wand that moved most decisively. Thrusting her hands out she sent a wave of pure force at the speaker before ever getting a look at him. Much to her chagrin she saw too late who she had attacked.

To the surprise of all watching the wave of force parted before the outstretched hand of Harry Potter, dissipating harmlessly off to either side. Then with a grasping motion and a good pull Chastity went flying through the air into his waiting hand. He held her aloft by the throat as though she weighed nothing.

"Nice trick their cutie, but I wouldn't recommend doing it again" he said dangerously.

"I'm sorry, you just startled me" she said repentantly, making no effort to struggle and praying he was merciful.

He eyed her for a moment, "You weren't the one who took a shot at me when I came in" he said.

"When you came… That giant ah…" she tried to think of a polite term for the massive bird.

"Thunder bird" he provided for her.

"That was you?"

"That's impossible" declared Hermione, "No animagus can become a magical creature."

"Well if it isn't my favorite walking encyclopedia" he said, releasing his hold on his captive who fell unceremoniously to the ground, "Hello Hermione, been a while."

"Fourteen years is more than a while Harry James Potter" she said, that ever familiar bossiness shining through.

"Oh boy here it comes" he said shaking his head then turning to Chastity, "You" he said pointing.

"Yes sir" she responded to his authoritative tone automatically.

"You have ten seconds to explain why you've invaded my home before I pitch you all off the side, without your brooms" he said.

"Hey, I was talking to you" shouted Hermione stomping toward him.

"No, you were talking at me, it's very different" he said.

"Don't try and change the subject Harry, I haven't seen you in over a decade and I want to know where the bloody hell you've been, where the bloody hell this came from, and what the bloody hell you've been doing."

He gave her a withering stare, "you bloody hell do want a lot don't you" he said which only fiercened her scowl, "in the order asked I've been here, I built it, and whatever the hell I wanted to do. Does that answer your questions?"

It most certainly did not and she was about to say so when the team leader decided to assert her authority.

"Mrs. Weasley please, we have more pressing issues" she said.

Hermione glared at the other woman but held her peace, begrudgingly.

Harry smirked, "you got a name there cutie."

"Chastity" she replied, blushing at the way his smile changed when he heard it.

"That your name or are you making me an offer" he said, appreciating the way her face turned cherry red at the innuendo.

"Oh honestly" griped Hermione.

Harry just chuckled but gave the poor embarrassed woman time to recover before remaking his demand for an explanation.

"Mr. Potter" she started.

"Harry will do" he interrupted, smiling at the way she blushed again.

"Harry" she said albeit a bit shyly, "I don't know how aware you are of current events but we are in rather desperate straits and it is the opinion of those in charge that you are the only man who can help us."

"Uh huh, this have something to do with that Varxis bloke running amok on the island?" he inquired.

"Uh, well yes" she stuttered, caught completely off guard by his knowledge.

"How do you know about Varxis?" asked Hermione giving him a gimlet eye.

"You'd be surprised by what I know" he said cryptically, "but more to the point, what do you expect me to do about it?"

"We'd like you to come back and help us fight him" said Chastity.

"Why?"

"Well, given your history we believe you're the only one with both the power and the experience to fight him on equal footing."

"That's nice" he said, "But I actually meant why should I?"

Her face fell when he asked that, "I don't suppose appealing to your sense of patriotism would do any good?"

Her mood was soured further by his response. It wasn't really that funny was it?

"Stop Laughing!" she shouted.

He did but kept snickering for a while, "I'm sorry, that was rude but, by god I haven't heard a joke like that in ages."

"Why is that funny? Have you no fond memories of the land of your birth? What has Britain done to you that was so horrible?"

She realized she had made a mistake when his chuckles took on a darker note and the gleam in his eye sent a shiver down her spine.

"Would you like the list alphabetically or chronologically" he asked darkly which left her to stutter in fright, "no Chastity I have no fond memories of Britain. Even those that once might have been are tainted by betrayal. I bled for the people of this land since before I was old enough to speak and what did I get for that, demands, expectations, and a populace so fair-weather one little rumor could have them baying for my blood. That is what is so funny about your plea for patriotism."

She didn't know what to say to that. She looked to Hermione only to see the woman looking away in shame. Clearly he was not exaggerating but that didn't change the fact they needed him.

"Please" she begged, "is there nothing that will change your mind. No single thing that will bring you to our aide?"

"Well, that's the question isn't it" he said, "Go back to your Prime minister. Tell him if he wishes to negotiate he has forty eight hours in which to do so, then I'm gone."

A glimmer of hope appeared on her face, "Truly?"

He nodded but looked grave, "However let him understand this as well, if I do agree to help it will be on my own terms, I will work with him but not under him and I will not be playing by auror rules, I will kill them, no mercy, no second chances."

"I… I understand" she said, more than a little intimidated by the incredibly powerful man before her.

"Oh, and just one more thing" he said.

Without warning he spun toward the group raised his hand pointed a single finger and fired of a concentrated bullet of force. The woman who had fired at him earlier staggered, a hole the size of a dime between her eyes going all the way through her head. She fell backwards, dropping a small box she had been holding onto the grass.

"Work a little harder on rooting out your spies. Now go I have a corpse to mulch."

They did as commanded, mounting their brooms and flying back to their point of return. Each had their own thoughts but one thing they all seemed to have in common was this. More than ever they needed Harry Potter. Even if they had to offer up their Chastity to get him they needed Harry Potter.

"Hmm" mused Chastity, "I wonder if that would work."


	28. 27 Card Quest

Warning

Entering Rift in Crossover land. Major crossover elements detected.

Can you spot them all?

...

Card Quest

The journal of Harry James Potter  
Entry 1

I solemnly swear I am up to no good

Today I discovered a book. It has been two years since I defeated Voldemort and in that time I have not been well. Discovering the plot by Molly Weasley and her psycho obsessive daughter I have become something of a hermit. I tried to warn Hermione, given her rather odd attraction to Ron by she wouldn't listen, I fear it is already too late for her. Being me and a hermit is not easy as everyone who has ever heard my name seems to think they must thank me and by thank me I mean demand to know what I plan to do with my life. Had I known things were going to be like this I might well have just stayed dead. But today changed my rather somber outlook on things. Today I discovered a book.

It is a handwritten tome I discovered in a shop in Knockturn alley. There is a great deal I do not understand but that simply makes it all the more fascinating. The author was called Clow Reed, and what he describes is an entirely new kind of magic, a merging of western and his native eastern sorcery's. I do not believe he ever intended the book to be read as it is full of scribbles and notations. Clearly this was a working book, something he used while he was creating his new kind of magic.

He describes his success at the end, and I am more than a little intrigued by these Clow cards. Could I make my own? The answer of course is no. I know nothing of eastern magics which are a cornerstone of the process. This means I will be going east. I shall seek out the mages in China and attempt to learn from them. I only pray I am a better student now than when I was at Hogwarts. Truly it is a wonder I ever survived.

This journal shall serve to track my progress that someday I might look back and see where I have come from. That is all for now as tomorrow I am on my way.

…Entry 5

The Li are a somber and stoic clan but ultimately they are the first to accept my entreaties. I suppose I should not have been surprised to encounter racists outside of Britain and it is clear China has no shortage, especially among its magical population but no matter, I shall endure, it's certainly nothing I haven't dealt with before and the ultimate payoff is too great to simply turn away.

I have not spoken of my book to them and only time will tell if I ever do. Our agreement was simple, for teaching me I must teach them. I consider it most fortunate that I packed the black library and brought it with me though I think I'll start with my old school books first.

… Entry 26

Her name is Ling. To me she is the sweetest most beautiful girl I have ever met. I have been with the Lee for three years now and in that time my own understanding of magic has grown in leaps and bounds. I no longer use a wand, no longer need to for any but the most complex magics. I realized that it was simply holding me back. While for a child first learning to control their magic it is helpful, even necessary, but for a powerful mage like myself it is more of a hindrance.

Had Dumbledore and Voldemort not been so bound by their backward society I wonder if they too would not have come to this conclusion. Even Dumbledore with his elder wand could not match the power I am now able to wield but it is more than that, I understand things that I would never have even contemplated had I not come here, things like love.

Yes, despite Dumbledore's incessant harping about the power of love I have never truly know it before Ling. She is two years younger than me but in many ways seems so much older, wiser, that is until she dumps a bucket of water over my head and runs away cackling. She is playful and childish but sweet and kind while also clever and brilliant. She is everything I could ever have wanted and by some strange twist of fate she has seen something in me and has decided she wants me as well.

Of course we keep our feelings secret from the others. The Lee may have accepted me as a means to learn new magic but as a part of the family, never. I ponder on this problem often but have yet to come to any satisfactory conclusion. I shall continue, I shall find an answer.

… Entry 28

I have officially hit rock bottom. Ling has been married to another. It was with a fake smile and fighting back tears that I congratulated her on her union. The groom is an ugly little troll from another prominent clan and the marriage will strengthen the ties between the two. I hear that an heir is to be conceived as soon as possible and it is all that I can do to control my magic, keep it from lashing out indiscriminately in my fury.

There is no reason Ling should have been the one to marry. She is not a part of the main family and her magical skills make her a greater asset to the family itself than some token bride. It is not hard to figure out why it was her and not another. Someone found out about us. I suppose we weren't really all that discrete but it truly hammered in just how the Lee truly view me. Better to marry off a promising and powerful mage than to let her stay and run the risk of the foreigner having his way.

I am leaving. The Li for certain, possible China as well, I do not know how long I can go before someone says something and I end up killing them without meaning. I am leaving, and I pray to whatever god may listen that I never see these hateful bigoted people again.

… Entry 29

Well, that went about as well as I could have hoped. As it turns out the Li were not quite ready to let me go but they were ready to stop me, or so they thought. Though I have taught them much of western style magic I have taught them nothing of the magic I have learned since coming to China. They attempted to bind me which is a common part of Chinese magic, they even prevented me from apparating out of the circle while they did so.

I haven't apparated in two years, it is uncomfortable and on the whole a far inferior means of travel than the one I use now. They were not prepared for it of course, how could they be? Their true colors revealed they attacked me in an attempt to subdue me and failing that, kill me. My heart broken and betrayed once again I was anything but merciful. I don't believe I killed anyone but most of them won't be walking for a while, those that do will undoubtedly be limping for a very long time.

I can also say with some satisfaction that when I left, calmly walking out the gate, the gate was one of the few things still standing. I wrecked that place good and proper. While I know for a fact they have other places to go, in their current condition they will have considerable trouble getting to any of them. So I feel I have at least a day or two head start before they come after me.

… Entry 30

I was wrong. Not an uncommon thing but still annoying. I did not have a couple days head start as it seems one of their allied clans came upon them shortly after my departure and spread the alarm. Fortunately I have learned enough illusory magics to blend into a crowd easily so I remain in heavily populated areas. It's not a perfect strategy but hopefully it will suffice until I can get out of the country. Hong Kong sounds nice I think.

… Entry 33

Hong Kong is a marvel. So many people packed into such a small space. Sadly the Li are already here so I shall not be staying long. I had considered going to Taiwan but I have little hope the case there will be any different. I need to go somewhere without the Chinese, where the Lee are not likely to already have a foothold. Thus I turn my eyes to the horizon and head for Japan.

… Entry 34

I have seen many a strange thing in my life but I must admit my first look at the Saotome's is something I will never forget. Now, finding anyone out in the middle of the sea intent on swimming across it would be odd but seeing a red haired girl racing a panda was just plain absurd. Of course even that level of weird wasn't about to make me forget my manners and I offered to give them a lift. The girl was grateful as was the panda or so I assume.

It was interesting to learn that the girl, one Ranma Saotome, was in fact a boy and the panda his father. I must admit their tale was exciting and I was almost curious enough about this Jusenkyo place to go back to China and have a look. Almost. Instead I examined Ranma and Genma as we traveled. The process has given me a new appreciation for the deviousness involved with a good curse though sadly I was not able to cure them, only determining that the curse itself was attached on a level that I was not able to perceive.

Ranma seemed disheartened but I promised to continue looking into it when I was able. After all, it seems highly unlikely these cursed springs occurred naturally, and there's no reason I can't continue my quest to achieve Clow Reed's magic while doing other research as well, is there?

Upon reaching the shores of Japan we said our goodbye's and went our separate ways, promising to meet again someday. I do not for a second believe Genma intends nor cares for us to meet again but Ranma seems excited by the concept and I placed a special tracker on him that I might find him again should I choose to do so.

For now I head inland to see what this new island holds in store.

… Entry 36

The Asakura are an old and noble family of what I have come to learn are called Shaman. This is used as a general term of course as what many of them do is very different but deeply rooted in this spiritual tradition. And when I say spiritual I literally mean spirits, as in the ghosts of the dead or the tiny nature spirits that exist all around yet beyond the perception of most people.

I stumbled upon their clan compound quite by accident and was accosted by the master's young and bumbling apprentice Tamao Tamamura and her two guarding spirits Ponchi and Conchi. She is a sweet girl but her skills clearly do not lie in combat. Despite her use of shamanic magics against me, an art I am at the moment completely ignorant of, it was little work to defeat her. This done I had intended to simply leave but the master had appeared before I was able and now I find myself a guest of the Asakura.

This shamanic magic intrigues me I cannot deny and the elder Asakura seems delighted to find someone else to talk to. Tomorrow I will ask him to teach me his art. I only hope the Asakura are not simply another version of the Li. I don't think I could handle that again.

… Entry 47

It is with a heavy heart that I leave the Asakura and continue on my journey. The old master and I have exchanged tokens with which we can contact each other should the need arise. And as a gift the old master has provided me with a legal passport that I might move about the country unmolested. I know not how he got it but he assures me it will stand up to any and all scrutiny and I have no reason to disbelieve him.

His apprentice Tamao I will miss as well and our goodbye was most tearful, at least on her end, I swear that girl will cry about anything. Still she is a devoted and caring friend and I will miss her, Ponchi and Conchi not so much though they were at least polite when they said goodbye.

Before I left Tamao gave me a talisman she said was for good luck. It is a terribly girly looking thing but I find I am unable to hide it away.

… Entry 54

I have come to the conclusion that the people of Tokyo must all be mad. It is the only thing that explains how they are able to brush of these supernatural attacks as if they were nothing. Case in point, upon my arrival into an area called Juuban a came across a young woman who was crying. Apparently she had just been dumped by her boyfriend and I, suffering from my usual saving people thing, took it upon myself to cheer her up. No sooner had I accomplished this when we were attacked by a creature I later learned was called a Youma. The girl, Naru by name, was taken and in the process of having her life energy stolen when I took action and laid a good old fashioned smite on the creature.

She recovered with surprising speed and then brushed off the encounter as if it were an everyday occurrence. She did however seem mildly surprised by my magical powers but not much. Clearly these people are mad but it's a sort of mad I think I can learn to deal with.

… Entry 56

I have found the Clow Cards. Which is odd since I wasn't even looking for them but still I have found them. They are in the possession of a girl called Sakura, Kinomoto Sakura. I discovered them while fighting a large group of Youma who were attacking a couple of girls. It was greatly to my surprise when one of them pulled a strange staff from nowhere and started fighting them as well. The appearance of a camera in the hand of the other shouldn't have surprised me but perhaps I have not adapted to the insanity of the Tokyoites as much as I thought.

Even having never seen them before I recognized the Clow cards the first time she used one. I understood her leeriness when I asked about the cards, if I were her I'd be leery too but with some prodding from her friend Tomoyo she agrees to meet with me again.

This Tomoyo girl, I don't know what it is about her but it fills me with the strangest feelings. I don't know if I should investigate further or stay away. Oh well, I'll just sleep on it.

… Entry 73

It's happened again. Once again I have fallen in love with a girl I cannot have. Tomoyo Daidouji was unlike anything I would have expected when I first met her. She is sweet and full of energy, so like Ling in so many ways yet at the same time completely different. Wisely, I think, I have not revealed my feelings to her nor do I intend to. She is a wealthy young lady from a high class family and what am I, a traveling vagabond. Though I grow closer to understanding how to recreate Clow Reed's cards I am constantly distracted by this angelic girl.

I know I should leave, distance myself from her and Sakura, but to do so would be to lose my best hope of achieving my goal. It is a difficult decision and one I wish I did not have to make.

… Entry 77

Some days you just know are going to go badly. Today was such a day. Sakura was excited, her boyfriend was coming to visit. I happened to be around at the time though I don't think she really noticed, Cero the guardian of the cards did however as it was him I was there to see. We tried to ignore the energetic girl but she made it so difficult. We decided to take our discussion elsewhere but promised to meet up with her and him later.

I only wish we hadn't. It was after lunch when they caught up to us and things started going wrong the minute he saw me. Li, he was a Li, and they obviously hadn't forgotten about me. Sakura didn't understand and perhaps it would have been better if I hadn't tried to explain it to her as that caused the bigot in her boyfriend to come out. She was clearly horrified by what he said but it wasn't until I mentioned Ling's marriage that he really screwed up declaring the noble house of Li would never sully itself with some foreign dog.

Of course it occurred to him too late that his girlfriend wasn't Chinese. She ran away in tears, refusing to hear anything more from him and with no one else to blame he turned on me. Of course I'd already defeated most of the strongest magic users in his clan all at once, he never really had a chance. Still, the look of shock on his face when I stop his sword thrust with an open palm was quite hilarious.

It is perhaps a mistake letting him go alive but I have not yet crossed the line where murder is my initial response to a problem. I just know this is going to come back and bite me in the arse later.

… Entry 78

Turns out I was right about letting Syaoran Li live being a mistake. He attacked me again not a week later. I had just defeated a very powerful Youma and was ready to call it a night when I was forced to dodge out of the way of a lightning bolt. I turn and see him with a young woman by his side, clearly another Li by the look of her.

Normally I would not be intimidated but I'm exhausted and they outnumber me. It's obvious that he blames me for what happened between himself and Sakura, and I can't help but smirk at the little bastard. She's a nice girl and deserves better than him and I tell him as much. It comes as a surprise to both of us when she agrees, arriving on the scene and taking my side in the fight.

The battle is exhausting, I can barely stand by the time it is over but we are victorious. The Li are once again allowed to leave alive. Again I know this is a mistake but I am too tired to care. Sakura, sweet Sakura, helps me back to her home and lays me out on the couch. It's really very thoughtful of her, I should find a way to say thank you.

… Entry 82

I have told Tomoyo I love her. She has said she feels the same. Once again I feel a spark of hope in my heart and dare to believe again.

… Entry 84

It was a lovely wedding. She was a beautiful bride, as if she would be any other kind. I make it a point to get good and drunk at the reception in an effort to forget that the one she is marrying isn't me. Once again the woman I love is taken away from me. This time at least it is easier. Her mother who never liked me at least had the decency to explain why she was marrying off her only daughter. It was something of a blow to my usually ignored ego when she listed off all the reasons I was not marriage material. I firmly believe the woman hates men in general but I cannot help but respect her for being straight forward with me. Whether or not my being a foreigner had anything to do with it I'll likely never know but it doesn't really matter.

At the reception I did however make it very clear to the new husband what would happen to him if he ever hurt her. Tomoyo just laughed it off though her husband looked genuinely frightened of me. I'm pretty sure I felt good about that but I don't recall all that well, the alcohol ran freely that night and certain points are simply blank. For example, how I came across my bedmate.

Of course Sakura was there, she is Tomoyo's best friend. I just wish I could remember exactly how we got into bed together, naked. I am writing this as she sleeps beside me, I can only imagine what her reaction will be when she wakes up. While I admit the barrier I always felt existed between us has vanished with our mutual defeat of the Li's, I'm fairly certain I didn't see this in the cards, pun intended.

… Entry 84 continued

Apparently her memory is as spotty as mine and since she couldn't remember it she insists that it didn't count. Well that was all fine and good until she caught me in a passionate lip lock and proceeded to reenact the events neither of us could remember but were sure happened anyway. Obviously I am never going to understand women and I should simply stop trying.

… Final entry

It has been a long road to this point I don't mind saying and having reread my old journal I can't help but chuckle as I see how far I've come. Clearly I was never meant to live a quiet life and my wedding reflected that perfectly. I have made so many friends of the strangest people in my adventures and all of them were there. Sakura, my beautiful cherry blossom, was the most beautiful bride ever to walk down the aisle.

Of course the wedding wasn't without mishap as the remnants of the not so illustrious Sailor Senshi arrived to rescue my wife from marrying a foul sorcerer. Given that half the guests were in fact sorcerer's that declaration didn't go over to well. It was a rather quick and one sided beating but I thought well worth the time to watch.

Tomoyo unsurprisingly designed Sakura's wedding dress, my outfit too. Hey, when the most famous fashion designer in Japan says she's going to you just nod your head and say "yes ma'am".

I pen this entry as my last because I feel this journal has served its purpose, to document my journey. Is this the end then, of course not, but every fairy tale should end with a happily ever after and whether or not my ever after will be happy I don't know. However, I do know this. When I began this journey to recreate the magic of Clow Reed I could never have imagined what I would go through to get there, or how much farther the journey would take me even when I thought I was done.

So at this point there's really only one thing left to say.

Mischief Managed.

…

I solemnly swear I am up to no good

… Entry 1

My name is Sakura Lilly Potter and today I discovered a book…


	29. 28 Amen

You are leaving the rift in Crossover land. minor crossover detected.

Can you see it?

...

Amen

St. Michael's was a relatively small church. Relative of course to the monstrous cathedrals that dotted London and were by far the more frequented. St. Michael's was in an out of the way location and thusly had very few parishioners but still it remained open, even for those few, a light to lighten the darkness of the world.

This would be the third time she had stood outside the place. She knew he was in there, but there was just something about a witch walking into a church that seemed both blasphemous and a terribly bad idea for the witch. Still, she was sent for a reason she had to go in. With trepidation she walked across the street and up the stairs and through the doors. The vestibule was lit just enough to keep one from crashing into things and small enough it barely mattered. Passing into the church proper the light increased dramatically but still cast long dark shadows everywhere.

There were a dozen pews on either side of the aisle and a piano in the right front corner. Front and center was the alter, a nice but clearly humble piece of work with a depiction of Jesus walking on water, holding up Peter while the others disciples in the boat look on as the storm rages around them. She recognized the story of course, having attended church and Sunday school when she was young, before she had learned she was a witch.

As she pondered her youth a man dressed all in black with a white collar emerged from a side door by the alter and began lighting the candles. It wouldn't have seemed so strange to see except he was using a small flame carried between two fingers to light them. That's impossible had been the first thing to come to mind but the feat at least proved he was magical.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned" she said, it seemed appropriate in an ironic way.

"Haven't we all" he replied, still his back to her as he continued lighting the candles one at a time.

"I have practiced the art of witchcraft upon my fellow man" she said.

"No you haven't" he said, "Hogwarts hasn't taught actual witchcraft in over a hundred years, since the last Professor of the subject, Miranda White, passed away and left the position vacant."

Hermione stared at the priest in confusion. She hadn't known that. Why hadn't she known that? That sort of thing should have been in Hogwarts a History dammit.

"Let's not beat around the bush Hermione, you didn't come here for confession."

The last candle lit the servant of god turned to face her at last revealing a familiar bespectacled face.

"So it's true" she said accusingly.

"What's that" he queried, stepping down from the alter.

"This" she gestured to the way he was dressed, "You, a church, really?"

"Was there an actual statement in there somewhere?"

She growled, "You're a traitor" she shouted.

"How so?" he asked nonplussed.

"You're a priest, a witch burner, opposed to all things magic."

He allowed her a moment to stop panting angrily before calmly responding to her accusations.

"Of the three you only got the first one right" he said, "No one has burned a witch since the inquisition and I know you saw me light the candles so that proves your third statement false."

"Don't lie to me Harry, I've read the bible I know what it says about magic" she declared.

"You can't believe everything you read in the bible" he said, "The original was written millennia ago and it's been seriously edited several times since then not to mention all the translations and the errors that come from that. Most of that magic and witchcraft stuff was added in the inquisition period."

Hermione gaped, a book that didn't tell the truth. Now that was blasphemy.

"At any rate, I doubt debating theology is why you came here tonight" he said turning back to the alter, "What's on your mind?"

It took her a moment to realize she was being addressed.

"Oh, uh, Ministry, the Ministry sent me."

"I assume you refer the wizards Ministry of Magic" he said, nodding his head knowingly, "I suppose that would explain those two gentlemen following you under the invisibility cloaks."

Hermione could only look on in bewilderment as his arms shot out to the sides and a pair of misty looking garments flew past her on either side into his waiting hands. The thud of bodies tumbling to the floor caused her to spin around and see two men quickly picking themselves up, dressed in the all too familiar robes of the auror corps.

"Good evening gentlemen, come for mass?"

Neither seemed to pay the question any mind, too busy grumbling to each other to care.

"What the hell are you doing here" shouted Hermione.

"Our Job Weasley" said the tall lanky one harshly.

"Yeah, since it took you three days just to walk in the door, the Minister was getting impatient" said the short squat one.

"Just wait till we tell him this though" said skinny.

"They'll have your head for sure" said squatty.

The two aurors turned their wands to Harry simultaneously and were simultaneously disarmed.

"There will be no violence in this house of god" spake Harry with power and authority that made the two men quake.

Gathering up their wands they dashed out of the church, dignity be damned.

"Well, that was…" Hermione tried to speak but found that words evaded her.

"I trust that was the gist of the message you were sent to deliver" said Harry.

"Well, yeah, I mean not like that but…"

"Consider your message delivered" he said, "have a pleasant evening."

Saying this he knelt before the alter and bowed his head.

"Not going to try and convert me" she said sharply, not caring for the way she was being ignored.

"The good shepherd will give all for his flock, going to any lengths for those that need to be saved" he said, then cast a glance over his shoulder, "but the smart shepherd knows that some sheep have no desire to be saved."

Fuming Hermione left the church, cursing and blaspheming left and right as she did.

… One hour later

As he was preparing to put out the candles for the night his cell phone rang. It was not uncommon for him to receive calls but at this hour of the night.

"Hello"

He listened intently, his face growing ever darker the longer he listened.

"Your pet abomination can't handle it" he said darkly.

"I see. Yes Sir Hellsing, I'll be there shortly" he said then slapped the phone closed.

He approached the alter and opened a hidden drawer in the front, pulling out a shining silver derringer with a cross etched on it and placing it on the alter. Stepping into the side room for a moment he returned wearing the garb of a more active sort of priest, his long robe cut for ease of movement, a white cross prominently displayed on his back and on the side of each arm at the shoulder. He set his wide brimmed hat upon the alter and reached up to the central cross. Unlatching it he swung the hidden door open and pulled a shining sword from within. The door swung closed and Father Potter knelt down holding the sword before him like a holy crucifix.

"Oh lord, bless your servant as he goes forth into the night to slay the undead abominations which prey upon your flock" he prayed, "Thy will be done, Amen."


	30. 29 Godfather

Godfather

"Uncle Harry."

Harry Potter, thirty three years old looked up from the parchment he was reading.

"Yes Victoire?" he replied, looking at the lovely young woman who had addressed him.

"Do you know where my Teddy is?" she asked sweetly.

He wasn't fooled for a minute but decided to play along, "If I'm not mistaken he should be on your bed just to the left of the pillow where he traditionally is this time of day."

He smiled when she scowled at him.

"Not my bear Uncle Harry, Theodore" she stated, hands on hips.

It was fortunate he was too old for her as well as immune to her veela allure or the pose she was presenting would have been quite enticing.

"So he's yours now?" asked Harry.

"Of course" she declared.

Harry couldn't help but chuckle at that, "I'm sure your mother was never that possessive" he said, "you must get that from the Weasley side."

She said nothing merely tapped her foot impatiently.

Harry just chuckled, "he's in the basement."

"I have already checked the basement" she said.

"The sub-basement dear" he clarified, "with Dr. Katz."

Her demeanor turned sour at the mention of his chief researcher, "Why is he with that perverted old woman?"

Harry raised his brow at that, "she's only twenty five" he said.

"Positively ancient" declared Victoire sticking her nose in the air.

Harry laughed out loud at this, "Now that sounds like your mother."

"You still didn't answer my question" she prompted.

"I imagine she is continuing her research on magical transformation" he said, knowing for a fact that was what she was doing.

"Has she not done enough to my poor Teddy" she declared, "Ee is not a Cavy."

"I believe they usually call them guinea pigs dear" he corrected.

"Vatever" she said with a dismissive wave, "the point is I do not like the idea of her molesting him so."

"Naturally, if anyone's going to be molesting him it's going to be you" he said sarcastically.

"Oui" she agreed shamelessly.

Harry could only laugh at her blatant attitude, reaching out a hand to a special crystal ball sitting on his desk.

"Dr. Katz" he intoned.

A moment later mist swirled in the crystal and a voice responded, "Hai."

"Dr. Katz, is my godson with you?"

"He just left sir, should I call him back" the voice replied.

Harry didn't say anything as he suddenly found his office empty. With a casual wave the door closed and he returned his attention to the crystal, the swirling mist having cleared revealing the face of a bespectacled woman of Asian descent.

"She's gone Yumi, now, where is my godson" he repeated, the mirth in his voice evident.

"Given that he left about ten minutes ago I would assume he is hiding in his room fortifying his defenses. Not that it will do him much good" she mumbled at the end.

"Like a dog with a bone that girl" agreed Harry.

"The saying is most apt" she agreed, "since it is his bone she is most interested in."

Harry laughed at his chief researchers' cattiness.

"Speaking of women who like to chase bones" he said giving her a knowing look which made her blush, "did you have any plans this evening?"

"Uh, well, I suppose I was, well, I… no" she stuttered in a manner he always found adorable.

"You do now" he said, "say dinner at seven, Madam Yow's?"

"okay" she whispered meekly then cut the connection.

Removing his hand Harry laughed. She was always so confident and brazen when it involved anything else but her own romantic relationship, then she was as meek as a kitten. He found the duality hilarious.

The old grandfather clock chimed, informing him he had no time to reminisce upon his relationship. The Wizengamot waited for no man after all and he knew there were more than a few who would be happy for him not to appear.

…

"Well well well, lookit what we have here" a voice sneered.

Harry gave an exasperated sigh. He had hoped to get through the atrium without running into this twit. Apparently no such luck.

"Auror Weasley, such an unexpected pleasure" he said with his best fake smile and gracious air.

"I'll bet" sneered Ron Weasley, not faking anything.

"You must excuse me Auror, I'm on my way to a rather important meeting of very important people and it really wouldn't do to be late" and if I'm in your presence much longer I may well bludgeon you with my cane, he thought but wisely left unsaid.

"Funny, I don't remember being invited" he said, as if daring anyone to imply he wasn't important.

Worthless self-important git he thought, "I'm sure they just didn't want to take you away from your work" he said genially.

Years of dealing with the ginger idiot had taught him how to lie through his teeth. Years of being arrested by the ginger idiot had taught him just how far he could push him before he was thrown in prison. But he did have a date that night so he didn't have time to play with Ronnykins.

"You must excuse me, I really must be going" he said and walked away before the most despised auror on the force could harass him any further.

"You just wait Potter, I'll see you in Azkaban yet" the fool shouted across the crowded atrium.

It was things like that which made it hard for people to tolerate Ron Weasley. At some point after Ron had become an auror he had surmised that since Harry wasn't he must be up to no good and had made it his personal goal in life to discover what horrible dark and highly illegal things Harry was up to. Not that he'd had any luck of course since the illegal things Harry did were done with such discretion the aurors seldom found out about them and certainly never found out that Harry was involved.

If you're going to run organized crime for an entire country successfully you can't be stupid enough to get caught by every two bit hack of a law enforcement officer out there, can you?

…

Bloody waste, that's what it was. The Wizengamot and every doddering old fogy in it were nothing but a colossal waste of time and energy. People might joke about the American government shutdowns but the Wizengamot was twice as worthless and that was when it was still running. It was no wonder fools like Voldemort were taking over when idiots like this were responsible for the government. A meeting that should have taken half an hour was finally brought to a close four and a half hours later. Of all the ways to waste a day, well, he could certainly think of more enjoyable ways to do it.

If the fat worthless bastards weren't so useful a smokescreen to keep people from finding out who really ran things he wouldn't even bother with them. And to think people still had faith in their government. Was it any wonder these people were rounded up and slaughtered like sheep?

He apparated from the Atrium midstride and didn't even miss a step as he appeared on his front walk. The door opened as he approached and closed once he'd passed the threshold. Glancing at his watch he decided he still had enough time to check on one of his long term projects.

Descending to the basement he went to an empty patch of wall and pressed his hand against it. He felt warmth against his palm and then a section of the wall vanished. Stepping into sub-basement three he descended the stairs and came to a single room decorated in postmodern torture and death, or so he liked to call it. Tools from around the world and spanning the era's which concerned the subject of torture, mutilation, and death were arranged along the walls and across the floor, depending on their size.

Strapped over one of these devices, a water tank to be precise, was a body. Male, European, and very much dead given the limpness of the form and the way the head was strapped under the water. Harry approached the form, undid the straps that kept him in place and with a mild touch of levitation, flung him against an open patch of wall where chains and manacles leapt to life and pinned him in place.

The body remained limp for a time, a strange pendant hanging from around his neck. Harry simply waited, keeping an eye on his watch, timing it.

At two minutes precisely life returned to the corpse and he began expelling water from his lungs. Harry grinned. Just like clockwork, he thought.

The now live man looked around desperately until he spotted Harry.

"Please, please no more, no more I can't take it, please, please…" the man begged madly, Harry only smiled.

"Really now Varxis what's this all about huh" he said genially, "I know for a fact this is not the first time you've been drown, what's all the fuss about?"

"I can't take it, I can't take it anymore" he cried, such a pitiful sight.

"Really, and how many of your own victims said the same thing do you suppose, hmm? Were you kind to them, did you give them mercy?"

The man blubbered incoherently and wept profusely but Harry could spare him not an ounce of Pity. He had seen the remains of some of the man's victims. Hell was too good for scum like this.

"I imagine your rather regretting you ever found that little trinket round your neck now aren't you?" said Harry with a mocking kindness, "Ah well, time to move on."

Walking over to the water basin he pointed his palms down toward the water and with a pulling motion the water rose up in a dozen columns. Gazing hard at them the pillars morphed into cones then began to cloud, then freeze into perfectly formed ice spears.

"We're going to try an experiment this time," said Harry turning to the failed dark lord, "will you resuscitate while still impaled or will you have to wait until the ice melts? Should be fun to see."

Varxis tried one last time to beg for mercy but the ice spears impaled him through all his major organs before he could get a word out. The body went limp moments later as the successor to Voldemort died yet again, the Eye of Wedjat hanging from around his neck.

Activating a camera on his way out to track the experiments progress Harry returned to the main floor to tidy up before his date. Coincidentally, (or intentionally) he passed by his godsons room along the way. It sounded like a war going on inside, if wars involved mad cackling and happy squeals. Apparently some little veela had finally gotten the upper hand on her boyfriend and was in the process of getting what she wanted.

Of course with all the noise they were making everyone in the house could probably hear them. Making an executive decision her threw up a complex silencing ward array and everything from his side went silent.

"Kids these days, so thoughtless" he mused aloud while grinning like the cat who got the canary.

He'd have to remember to be so thoughtful when he brought his own date home tonight. By the gods that girl had a pair of lungs, he thought, smiling all the way to his office.


	31. 30 Professor Potter

Professor Potter  
(OR)  
Potter's Legion

The first years were assembled, fidgeting nervously as they awaited the determination that would set the course for the rest of their lives, or so most had been told. Professor Harry Potter approached with a stool and the infamous sorting hat in hand. Setting down the stool he placed the hat upon it. The hat looked up to the Professor, the professor, from out of nowhere, pulled an electric guitar then nodded at the hat.

The music began and students and staff alike stared as Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat did a stunning rendition of Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. Headmistress Minerva McGonagall wanted sorely to beat her head on the table for ever asking this professor to handle the sorting this year, honestly what had she been thinking.

Finishing their song to modest applause the guitar disappeared, a scroll taking its place held out like a proclamation from Caesar, McGonagall groaned. He announced each name bombastically as the hat floated up and down of its own accord onto each head, sorting them as he had done a million times before, except here he was making snide comments and off color jokes as he did so.

'It's almost over, it's almost over' the headmistress chanted to herself.

Finally it was, and the meal was served. It was a pity she couldn't really enjoy it as her most 'colorful' professor was looking far too guilty for her to believe he wasn't still up to something. When the meal had finally drawn to a close and her remarks for the beginning of the year were spoken there was only one thing left to do.

"The school song" she said.

"With musical accompaniment" declared Professor Potter rising up holding a massive accordion.

The headmistress was saved when the three closest professors tackled the musical menace to the ground and held him there long enough for the song to be completed.

"Oh come on, that would have been way better as a Polka" he complained.

The headmistress groaned and decided she needed a good stiff drink, and to restock her supplies if he was going to be like this all year.

…

Midnight, an auspicious time for clandestine meetings.

Professor Harry Potter roamed the halls, a tatty looking bit of parchment floating before him. He came to a halt in front of a familiar washroom and gave a suspicious look around. Seeing the coast was clear he took a small spyglass from his pocket and looked through it. The spyglass, living up to its name, showed him all of the professor's one at a time as he adjusted it. All but one were in their beds sound asleep.

"Right on schedule" he said, taking a pocket watch from his vest and popping the lid open.

Grasping the two hands together he spun them around to the eight, and then back to the three, then split them apart so the clock read 12:30. The watched chimed once and Harry closed the lid.

Throughout the castle, watches were chiming and children were quietly climbing out of their beds and slipping out their dorms. Secret passages near the dorms were opened and those children awakened by the calling slipped through them unseen.

…

Harry stood in the Chamber of Secrets looking out at those assembled. He had been a professor for five years now and the group got bigger with every sorting, his 'private study group'.

"Welcome, all of you, to another year here at old Hoggy Hogwarts" he said jovially, "it's good to see you all again after this summer's field trip, everyone have fun?"

There was a resounding positive response.

"And I trust everyone learned lots."

"Don't make faces at kappa" shouted one girl.

"Never hold a metal rod near a Raiju" said a boy.

"Don't grab a Kitsune by the tail unless you really mean it" shouted Theodore Lupin which made everyone laugh.

"Well how was I supposed to know it was a mating ritual" shouted Harry, pouting at his godson brining up his cultural faux pas.

Once the group had stopped laughing at their professor, "So, I know it's early but, how's the new crop look?"

One of the third years, a Slytherin, raised their hand.

"Yes Magnolia."

"Three were sorted into the house that I know are not with the traditionalists. One in fact I think might be Muggleborn, Aarons was his name I think."

Harry looked thoughtful, "sound the other two out discretely, I'll look into Aarons myself."

"Yes sir."

"Anyone else."

A fifth year Ravenclaw raised her hand.

"I think we should under no circumstances have any involvement with Rose Weasley. She is a loud mouthed lazy little brat who couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it."

"I'm pretty sure it isn't nice to talk about your cousin that way Victoire" he reprimanded though not with any force.

"We'll do the usual sweep over the next week and see what we've got to work with" said Teddy confidently.

"That's why they made you head boy Theodore, always on top of things" said Harry with a smile, the attention causing his godson to blush through his hair.

"Alright everyone, tomorrow we restart training, schedule will be on your watches by tomorrow afternoon so plan accordingly."

…

The chamber of secrets emptied as quickly as it had filled, everyone returning to their dorms and their nice warm beds, all save two.

"So, not a bad start for the year, ay Filius" said Harry.

"Indeed Harry" said the diminutive charms professor, "Your little revolution rolls on and on. Potter's legion grows stronger by the day."

Harry groaned, "I wish I knew who started calling it that. Almost as bad as Dumbledore's army."

"But with one major difference" Filius argued, "the namesake is by far more reliable."

"You think so?" he said uncertainly.

"I do" said Filius with enough certainty for them both.

"I hope so" said Harry, "sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is going to change anything, if where I'm leading them is really going to be any better."

"Look at it this way" said the old charms professor, "it will certainly be better than the potion induced engagement you came from."

Harry steeled at the mention of it, "can't argue with that."

It had been that event, discovering he was being potioned by Ginny Weasley with the help of her mother that had been the key factor in where he was now. Five years he had wasted around her, his magic fighting it till he was able to purge himself completely, of the potion and Ginny Weasley. The five year 'vacation' that followed was more than a little necessary after that.

"How did the investigation into her death go anyway" he queried, as if he didn't know.

"Went cold almost as soon as it started, they never did figure out who killed her" replied Filius, knowing full well the truth of the situation.

"What a shame" said Harry, not meaning it one bit.

"Indeed" said Filius, his sentiments the same.

"Ah well, time for bed" said Harry.

"I'm surprised your tag along wasn't with you tonight" said Filius as a parting comment.

"I distracted her with a shiny bauble, she'll be content with that for hours" said Harry, "Kitsune, honestly."

Filius could only laugh. Only Harry Potter, he thought, only Harry Potter.

The End


	32. The end?

Not a Crapalogue

Well, it has been quite a month and frankly, I am exhausted. Going in I never imagined just how mentally tiring this sort of thing could be. Still, I'm glad I did it, it proved that I could.

For those that have followed me throughout this little escapade, thank you. To those that have commented, thank you even more. To those that have favorite this, or me, WOW, just WOW, words cannot properly express.

That being said, this is the end of this particular series as November closes and I wait for my brain to return to a consistency greater than corn mush. I wouldn't expect anything more from me for at least a week or two.

While I learned a great deal from the experience I see right away the weakness in writing and posting something in the same day. It doesn't give enough time to properly edit and it severally limits how much can be written.

Not sure what I'll do next. There are a few entries from Not a Crapalogue that I plan to rewrite and extend as well as several I had ideas for but never got to. Perhaps they will appear in a sequel, or as their own standalone pieces. Whatever the case…

Thank you all who came along for the ride and to those who may read this in the future, Enjoy.

…Jade the Fae


End file.
